Thank god for the 4 day holiday weekend, as I've had to spend it making all kinds of travel plans. I did get the oil changed in my car, my hair cut and colored, groceries bought for this last week, and went to the bank for some cash in Euros (omg was that expensive, I HATE that the currency conversion rate is higher for purchasing cash than it is for credit card purchases or bank wires) and had a near panic attack in learning that the rate was going to be higher than I calculated in order to pay the clinc. But, I found a website - usforex.com - that can wire money for me to the clinic and the travel agency in Greece at an exchange rate just a tiny bit above market (1.26, above 1.24, as opposed to my bank's ridiculous 1.31) and that should save me a few hundred dollars.
But, I had to email the Greek clinic and request their bank account information so that I can wire the funds, and won't be able to complete the wire until tomorrow when the market opens. I also have to work out some travel itinerary details with the travel agency. It looks like we won't be able to take the tour we were planning on, because they only offer it starting on Mondays and the dates of our travel won't accommodate it. It may end up changing the overall price of our package, though, and that would be ok by me.
The money stuff is starting to freak me out a little. It's looking like when it's all said and done we're going to be spending just about all of that $15K I borrowed - and a lot of it is due to the currency conversion rates and the cost of spending money overseas. Maybe we'll get lucky, though, and find that we can stay within our cash for all our transportation/food/tips/shopping??
Add to all of that the anxiety over whether this extremely expensive venture is going to turn into a baby for us... whether it could turn into twins... whether it's going to be ineffective and we won't get pregnant at all and have to decide whether to spend another $4000 or so for an FET attempt...
And all of the bits and pieces at work that I'm going to have to iron out, oh my god... one of my staff just handed in her two-week notice the day before Thanksgiving, so we're going to be short one person and worried about job posting and interviews and all that, which I can't do until after I get back into the country, meaning my staff are going to be down one person for at least a month and I would guess two... and it's our most critical position, our clerk. Then there's the new software program they're trying to train staff on and roll out in January, and key training sessions are scheduled to happen while I'm going to be out... and then worst of all, the director and my boss have a meeting planned with my unit, on a day I'm not going to be there, which almost assuredly guarantees that my staff are going to throw me under the bus yet again in my absence, and I'll have to try and clean that up before a position comes open that the bosses want me to move into and leave my field of expertise for pretty much ever...
And all of this stress, of course, is not conducive to getting pregnant. I know that I should be sitting back and saying to hell with it all, what will be will be, I'm getting out of here for two weeks and taking a dream European vacation and getting pregnant to boot... and I just can't figure out how to let go of the anxiety long enough to be able to do that, because I want so much to have a crystal ball and be able to KNOW - will I get pregnant? Will things turn out okay at work? Is my absence going to result in a terrible redirection of my career? Will we be able to pay off this debt when it's all said and done? Will we end up with twins? I think, if I could see into the future and KNOW what was going to happen, all my anxiety would end. I would either make different choices to avoid a future I don't want, or at least be able to prepare myself for the consequences better because I'd know what's coming. But of course, not knowing is part of the human condition. All I can do is try to be as prepared as I can be for anything that could happen... and then accept whatever comes as something I could not have changed, because I made the very best choices I could given the information I had at the time.
So yeah. On the list of things to do today: setting up the usforex contact so I can make transfers as soon as have the amounts due; cleaning the downstairs and making a packing list; setting up the Christmas tree since we'll be hosting Christmas when we get back; making a list of things for Kaitlin to clean during her day off tomorrow. Oh, and downloading some e-books to read on the plane. If I have any time to myself, probably also writing or watching some mindless TV to take my mind off things.
Right after I finish my coffee...
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