22WK3D - I am an auntie!

I didn't get to blog on our 22-week milestone on Friday because it was a bit of a whirlwind of a day. We had our big anatomy ultrasound appointment - baby is measuring about 1 lb 3 oz so far, with all body parts and organs accounted for and growing like they should, and a nice strong little heartbeat - we even got to see the little face. <3 I'm waiting for Kaitlin to scan our ultrasound pics in so I can share them, but in the meantime, here's the 22-week baby bump pic:

 

So far I've gained about 10 pounds. The bump still only shows when I wear certain clothes - most of my shirts and jackets are too loose to make it very noticeable. I definitely notice when I'm sitting or trying to lie down, though. Feels like all my insides are being squished and it's hard to breathe. I've had a really hard time sleeping this past week, even with my usual 1/4 to 1/2 of an Ambien pill. I think that's also due to all the stuff we have going on - everything from work, to our Vegas elopement this week <3 and all the preparations, to Kaitlin's sister who's staying with us and the whole situation with Kaitlin's dad, to money issues and saving for another car and still trying to find time to post her car and motorcycle for sale, to the upcoming Christmas plans (I still haven't got our tree up), to the plans for the nursery that we really really need to get a move on but can't until after we get back from Vegas and Kaitlin's sister's gone home... and add to all of that - I became an Auntie on Friday! After 32 hours of labor (YIKES) my sister in law gave birth to little Hannah, who is just so adorable I can't stand it.

My brother is apparently completely smitten - my mom hasn't even gotten to hold the baby yet. :P I haven't been able to meet her yet, and might not get to until Christmas since we're out of town this weekend. But I'm really looking forward to it, she is so tiny and precious. And I'm kindasorta envious that he and my sister-in-law are on the other side of labor and delivery now (the part I'm least looking forward to) and have their little one to cuddle. I want my little one to cuddle!! (But not now, baby, you hear that? You still have like four more months of cooking to do, so don't be getting in a hurry...)

Anyway, it's been absolute insanity the past few weeks so I'm just trying to take things one step at a time. First, finish up preparations for Vegas, and get Kaitlin's sister to her last visits with her dad and then safely to the airport. Then, get to the airport ourselves (at 4 AM) the next morning, make sure we get to all of our scheduled events (but most importantly, the licensing bureau and the chapel) over the weekend, then get home and focus on Christmas prep and, if we're lucky, maybe a little nursery prep. And in the meantime, stay enough on top of things at work that they're not keeping me up at night.

I did call and make an appointment for next week with my doctor to have my Ambien refilled. I think that will also be a big help, because the other stressful thing is the fear that I'm going to run out of medication and be completely sleepless until the next appointment, which is truly miserable.

Just hanging in there, I guess. Pretty amazed that our little bean seems to be plugging away perfectly fine amidst all of mama's fluttering about. And grateful for that, too. Just keep doing your thing, little one, and ignore me for right now. In a month or two we'll have a lot more of this stuff under control. By the time you get here, we'll be ready. <3

BabyCenter's 22 week image!

21WK3D - Long time no blog

Life is slowly settling down after a whirlwind of drama - car problems, money problems, family health problems, elopement planning, a dear friend passing away :( and issues at work that have been hitting one after the other. Unfortunately that means I've missed quite a few milestone posts! But, we did manage to take a 21-week belly pic on Thanksgiving:

We're past the halfway mark now! So here's a summary of some of the main goings-on:

In terms of pregnancy symptoms I'm still tired and fatigued, with minor backache and increasing need to pee. When I'm not super tired, though, my energy levels are pretty good. I'm still experiencing a higher tendency toward anxiety than usual, though now that life-things are settling a bit it's getting better. Baby is kicking a little harder now, and I feel wiggling about 3 - 4 times a day - usually on my morning and afternoon commutes, around lunchtime, and just before bed. Sometimes baby wakes me up with wiggling in the middle of the night, too.

I had a four day weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday - we went to my mom's house on Thanksgiving, and got to see my still-pregnant SIL (at 38 weeks, she's getting very close to her due date!) and parents.

Unfortunately, Kaitlin's dad's health is not doing so well at all, and we're expecting that he may pass away in the next couple weeks. Her sister, Beth, flew in from Idaho to spend some time with him, and she's staying at our house. She arrived on Friday, and will be leaving next Wednesday - which is the day before the day that Kaitlin and I leave for Vegas to get hitched. So this coming weekend's going to be busy, with packing, and hopefully decorating the house for Christmas, and also having a house guest.

Kaitlin's birthday is on Thursday. We celebrate her birthday in the summer, because her actual birthday so often gets lost in holidays and the cold of winter, but we're still going to make her favorite cherry-chip cupcakes and go out to dinner.

Next ultrasound is Friday, at 22 weeks. It's the big one, the full anatomy scan, and if I heard our doc correctly they're actually going to do it in 3-D. Depending on how it goes we may or may not decide to have another 3-D scan done in a month or so at the private ultrasound place. Looking forward to seeing little baby's growth - here's hoping everything's doing what it's supposed to be doing at this stage!

We have pretty much everything figured out for the elopement now - finally got confirmation for our reservation from the little chapel. Kaitlin's mom is driving to Vegas because she wants to be there, so she'll be a witness and we'll all go out for dinner afterward. Now it's just a matter of making a complete packing list so we don't forget any of the elements we're planning to wear! Kaitlin's also getting her hair and makeup done just beforehand, and I'm excited to see how it's going to turn out. The wedding will be Friday the 11th, so our "new" anniversary date is moving from 12/31 to 12/11. Shouldn't be too hard to remember. :P Oh, and we picked out our 4-year anniversary gifts for each other (year 4 is aquamarine) and got them ordered on a great Black Friday deal, so that's something fun to look forward to.

I have most Christmas presents purchased, just a few more things that I need to square away (and then wait for loads of packages to arrive so I can wrap them.) Christmas will be next on the to-do list once we get back from Vegas.

And of course, somewhere in there we have to make some progress on the nursery. I ordered a ceiling fan/light but have to do a craigslist post to find an electrician to install the power box in the ceiling. We have the general layout of the mural decided, and Kaitlin's started on the digital artwork, but there's still a lot to do before it will be ready to project on the wall, outline, and paint. And I'm currently stalking Craigslist for the perfect nursery furniture set. But for now, Kaitlin's sister is staying on the spare bed in the nursery, so we won't really be doing much physical work until after we get back from Vegas.

As far as work goes, things blew up, then simmered, then blew up, then simmered again. Right now we're in a simmering phase, and in fact I am more caught up than I have been in months, so that's something to be grateful for. I just have to stay on my toes, and keep my staff on their toes, going into the new year. Oh, and start making real plans for maternity leave coverage, which is a whole other monster. I still need to sit down with HR and go over the options, get the FMLA packet, and so on.

So right now, just taking everything one day at a time until we get through the chaos. Thankfully baby's been charging through it all like a champ - no bleeding or spotting or cramping or anything scary, and plenty of reassuring wiggles. As long as we have that, we can get through all the rest. :)

THIRTEEN WEEKS

Thirteen weeks today. Some places online say this is the start of the second trimester, while others say that won't happen until next week. But whatever. I am ready for the first trimester to be done, and therefore I am dubbing today as the start of the second. :P

Today's another higher-energy morning, for which I am grateful. I've been able to juggle a couple of meetings that needed my full attention, so I'm feeling a lot better about today than the earlier parts of this week. It's noon and I'm only just starting to get a hint of stomach yuckies, so I'm hoping maybe tonight will go a bit easier. Took my last dose of meds, including my last injection, last night. Hallelujah!!! No more shots for meeee, no more shots for meeeeeeeee... now to wait for all these colorful bruises on my tummy to go away.

Baby has apparently decided that he/she hates potato chips, and will only drink iced tea. O.o Plain water is usually what I like, but baby is just not having it. It's iced tea or nothing. Still, now that I've finally figured that out, I've been able to get about three times more liquid down in the past couple days. So okay, little baby, iced tea it is. You sure are being weird. I can already tell you're going to be a handful. :P

Wearing my newly-acquired maternity jeans to work today. They are way more comfortable than regular jeans, but the seam between the denim and the soft belly band is going to take some getting used to. It's very low on my hips, so it kind of feels like my underwear is falling off, LOL. I still don't have a super noticeable bump yet, but I can definitely feel the difference in my clothes. 

In the meantime, I got a call back from the Sweethearts Wedding Chapel in Vegas yesterday afternoon, and was able to finalize reservations for our elopement ceremony. We had to do a lot of shuffling to find a date that would work - with an SCA event, Kaitlin's end-of-semester classes, Thanksgiving, Kaitlin's birthday, and Christmas all hitting so close together, and then a VERYIMPORTANTWORKMEETING that got scheduled for the one Friday we'd originally picked out (sigh) we finally had to go with December 11th. Which is okay, because we celebrate our anniversary in December anyway, so this is just moving it up a couple of weeks. It should be a relatively simple little ceremony, but we'll still get pictures and video and we're having Kaitlin's hair and makeup done and we bought cute new outfits and all in all it will be pretty darned fun. I got our plane tickets and hotel reserved too, so that's also crossed off the to-do list.

A little ironic, perhaps, that we'll be in Vegas getting married (with our little one finally on the way) almost exactly one year after our first trip to Greece. Last year on Christmas we were envisioning that we'd get to spend this Christmas with a new baby. Turns out we'll have a few more months to wait... but that's okay. At this point we're just so very grateful to have finally made it this far. <3

Here's BabyCenter's pic of baby at 13 weeks:

  

9WK4D - Sick Sick Sick

Well, morning sickness continues to come and go, and fatigue is getting worse. On Saturday, I didn't have very much nausea but I was so tired I could barely move. I literally crawled downstairs after I woke up, sat on the couch all day (only getting up to grab food, water, and go to the bathroom) and crawled back upstairs at the end of the night feeling like I'd been running a marathon. Sunday and Monday were worse, because I was tired in the morning and got hit with nasty nausea in the afternoon that only got yuckier as the day went on. I did try to nap for a couple hours on Sunday, and got in a little bit of sewing in the morning on Monday, but overall it made for a long, exhausting, not-so-fun weekend. SIGH.

The pattern continues today, because I woke up this morning feeling like I haven't slept in a week (even though I slept like a brick all night) and sick to my stomach. Just went and had a hamburger and fries for lunch, because my body wanted something heavy and starchy and red-meaty, and my body cannot decide whether that has made it feel better or worse. :/ I think maybe better? A little??

Still no vomiting. Grateful for that. But it has now been three weeks of morning sickness and I am ready to be done now, kthx. :P Reduced my meds again on Saturday with no ill side effects this time... so far no spotting or scary stuff. Also grateful for that.

We did order our elopement dresses and some fun accessories this weekend - we're doing a subtle steampunk type thing, so Kaitlin gets a tiny white top hat and I get a bird cage veil, and cute shoes and gloves and so on. I do need to call the Vegas wedding chapel that we like and see if we can get on their schedule for November, I don't know how fast they fill up. And start planning the budget, because even as a "cheap" elopement it's still going to be a bit of an investment.

But that will be a project for another weekend. Right now I desperately want a nap. Unfortunately there are still three and a half hours left in the day before I can go home...

IVF#3 CD16 - Almost Ready To Leave

As I told Kaitlin this morning, just two more sleeps until we're on our way to pick up our baby. :P

Over the weekend we did some household chore type things - cleaned catboxes, did laundry, and spent an entire day cleaning half the kitchen. Also made a packing list, and packed everything that it's possible to pack early.

Today, I had to set up the USForEx funds transfer (done first thing in the morning), email my doctor's office for continued medication instructions (also done first thing), then go to the bank on my lunch break and wire the funds to USForEx (done) and go to the store for cat litter and toothpaste (also done.) Still on the list for this evening: I have to package up the little doll outfit that sold on Etsy, and make a little pack for my dog so that she'll have supplies during her stay at my mom's house.

I also, somewhere in there, need to order more copies of my latest book so I can send one to my mom and one to a contest winner; and, I need to order more pregnancy tests so that I can POAS to my heart's content when we get back from Greece.

This afternoon, Kaitlin has a dentist appointment to get the cap on one of her teeth fixed. Also, I got instructions from my doctor to begin taking 5 estrogen pills a day from today through Wednesday. Wednesday will also be our last Lupron injection; no injection on Thursday, instead we're increasing estrogen to 6 pills/day and adding 4 200mg Progesterone/day. Heparin starts after the transfer (ugh...)

Tomorrow, Kaitlin's going to get home from work, make us some sandwiches, and bring sandwiches, dog, and dog pack down to my work, where she'll pick me up. Then we have to drive together down to my mom's house, drop dog off, and drive home.

Wednesday morning we'll have to get up early, finish packing, get dressed, make sure the cats have clean boxes and plenty of water, and I think we have a friend taking us to the airport. Plane takes off at 11, and from then on it's just traveling, getting to the hotel, and getting to the doctor's office at 11 on Friday for an ultrasound.

This is going to be it, right? I feel like it will be.

In the meantime, this was on my Facebook feed today.

IVF#3 CD11 - Getting Closer

Had my second ultrasound of the cycle today. Lining is up to 7.1 mm. It was 7.4 at the second scan last cycle, so that makes me pretty convinced we'll end up in Greece next week. I sent the results off to Embio and am waiting for their response. I'm going to shoot for being there for another week... while I don't like taking so much time off of work, ultrasounds cost me over $300 here, and yet are free there. I can save $300 just by arriving a little early and hanging out until the transfer date. I also think it's a good way to relax and unwind before the transfer. And, while I don't like being away from work for so long, it's not like I don't have a TON of leave hours. ^^;

So, waiting for travel dates. SUPER grateful that Embio's bank account, where I wire my treatment payments, is in Switzerland and not Greece, because the foreign exchange service I'm using is currently unable to send any money to Greek banks. We have to make sure we take enough cash in Euros to be able to feed ourselves, pay for meds, and pay for taxis while we're there, since it sounds like all their ATMs are pretty much out of service.

I'm a little bummed because the hotel I was hoping to stay at has sold out. I really wanted to stay at a hotel with a pool this time around, because it's going to be blazing hot. I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to swim after the transfer, but that doesn't mean I can't hang by the pool and put my feet in the water. :P Still, if it's going to be ridiculously expensive I'll probably have to just suck it up and stay wherever is most economical. We won't really know what our options are until we know our travel dates, though.

Still feeling good about this cycle... and I've been able to pretty much successfully keep myself thinking positive, which is not an easy feat, let me tell you. :P But I've been preoccupying myself with Korean drama and thoughts of our "It's A Small World" nursery (I actually bounced out of bed this morning and chattered Kaitlin's ear off about it as she was trying to get ready for work, LOL.)

Kaitlin was off at an event all last weekend, and I had a three-day weekend because of the holiday. And how, you may ask, did I decide to spend all this luxurious free time? Why, CLEANING. Yeah. For THREE DAYS. I scrubbed and swept and mopped and wiped and reorganized and sorted until every bone in my body was exhausted. And while there are still a couple rooms in the house I haven't gotten to yet, the nice, neat, clean rooms is really making me happy. I've been making Kaitlin keep it nice, too, for the past few days. :P This weekend I'll be enlisting her help to do the same with the kitchen and the office.

I also came up with some healthy, balanced lunch-snack-packs for her to grab and take with her to work in the morning... which will hopefully result in her ingesting a greater number of vegetables in her daily diet. :P And with my car and my house clean, and my little fridge at work full of salad and veggies and healthy stuff, and my desk at work pretty clear, I am feeling lovely about life at the moment. I can't wait to get to Greece, pick up our babies and bring them home. <3 We're ready.

So next on the babymaking schedule is to get travel dates, request time off work, buy plane tickets and hotel reservations, get cash to take with us, wire the treatment fee to Embio before we go, and pack. In the meantime, nightly Lupron shots and estrogen during the day... and stop Lupron / start progesterone once the doc says to. Then we travel out there, get a scan, hang out for a couple days, do the transfer, start heparin (of all of it that's the part I hate most), hang out on bed rest for as long as possible, come home... and wait for that second pink line to show up on a pregnancy test.

This being our third round, all this insanity is actually starting to feel kind of routine. As if it's no big deal to plunk down a few thousand dollars and fly halfway round the globe on a few days' notice. I was thinking this morning how amazing it is that we can leave Denver and arrive in Athens in the same amount of time that it would take to drive from Denver to Portland, or Denver to Austin. And once you've gone to the same "exotic" faraway city several times, it starts feeling familiar, as if it's really not THAT far away after all. It really is a small world, after all. *insert groans of cheesiness here*

Bracing myself for the insanity of progesterone. Now that we've been around the block a few times I think I've figured out that while Lupron gives me hot flashes and insomnia, and estrogen can make me moody, it's the darned progesterone that really turns me into a crazy person. Combined with the uncertainty of the TWW and nightly nasty fat-needle heparin shots, I wear down so fast while I'm on it. I think a little more self-awareness may help this time around - at least I hope it will. I'm going to remind myself that all the negativity and anxiety and panic and stress isn't actually me, it's the meds. And that I've got this. No matter what happens with this roll of the dice, I've got this. Everything's going to be okay.

One way or another, there will come a day when we are moms.

Bring it on.

IVF#3 CD5 - This Will Be Our Month

I've been avoiding blogging much lately. It's too easy, when I'm actively blogging, to be reminded of all the unfulfilled hope we've encountered so far... too easy to focus on unknowns and start angsting. I've been trying something different this time around, and every time an "is this round going to fail too" thought comes into my head, I've been repeating "this one will work, this one will work.". To the point where I kind of actually believe it.

The odds are way, way in our favor at this point. Our clinic has a 70% success rate - it worked the first time, but we miscarried. It didn't work the second time. Statistics say this should be the one. And things this round are going a lot more similarly to our first round, where we got SO close. For the second round I was on Lupron for ages before finally getting permission to start the estrogen. But this time, I've only been on it for eleven days, and they're having me start estrace today. I just have a better feeling about it, overall.

So here's a sum-up since my last post: We started Lupron on the 21st. Compared to the heparin shots, the lupron is actually pretty painless (in spite of my ongoing fear of needles.) My period started on the 28th, later than I expected. I had an ultrasound on the 30th (CD3) and my lining is just over 5mm. The doctor in Greece says that's good, so as of today I start the estrogen regimen - one pill for two days, two pills for two days, three pills for three days, and then four pills until transfer - usually another 4-5 days out. I have to go in for another ultrasound on 7/8, next Wednesday.

Though they don't have exact travel dates yet, that puts us in Greece around the second/third week of July -- that's in two weeks! And I just keep telling myself that we're going to Greece to pick up our babies and bring them home. That this one is going to be our month. Due date would be in April - I like that.

I went to the baby shower that I was nervous about. I think the best way to describe how I felt being there was happy and wistful. I did get to hold the tiny baby, who was so sweet and precious, and my friend asked whether we were going to be trying for a baby soon. I managed not to launch a huge me-me-me conversation (I think) so yay for that. :P And other than twinges of envy over the cute nursery and precious baby, I was actually pretty darn okay - happy to be there, to get to hold the baby and share in my friends' joy for their newborn. I had a good time AND my friend even suggested, when she handed me her baby to hold for a little bit, that he would be a good luck charm for us. ♥ Here's hoping!

We've been saving HARD and will have just JUST enough for this third attempt without having to float much on a credit card, I think. I've decided that if my intuition is wrong and this isn't it for us either, I'll be spending the next six months or so, while we save up for another go, on SlimFast and the Couch to 5K program, to try and drop the 15 pounds or so that I've gained over the last two years from all the meds. I know I'll feel better, overall, if I can get my body back into shape during the break - the weight gain certainly hasn't helped when it comes to the frustrations of this whole process.

In the meantime, though, my name change has been submitted at work and I'm just waiting for a new email, new network login, etc. so I can announce it to pretty much everybody and start using it. I won't change it on my passport, bank account or credit cards until after we get  back from Greece, though, since I don't want there to be any issues while we're traveling.

And of course I can't not mention that last Friday, 6/26/15, the Supreme Court mandated that all of the United States MUST allow same-sex couples to marry. Colorado has already been issuing licenses for about six months, but this is just huge. Our plan was always to elope after I got pregnant, and after the baby was born spend a little time saving up (and I could get back into wedding-dress shape) so we could throw a wedding. But if this next round doesn't work, I think we'll probably talk about doing the elopement anyway - it won't be nearly as expensive, I don't think, if we don't travel out of state for it. And then Kaitlin can change her name too ^~ Not to mention the medical benefits!

It's good to have a contingency plan. But for now I'm going to keep chanting it: This Will Be Our Month. This Will Be Our Month. I even wrote it on a bit of paper and taped it to my computer monitor at work ...

IVF#2 CD22 Almost There

This week has been insanity.

First off, until I started my estrogen, I was experiencing all kinds of side effects from the Lupron that I didn't the first round - primarily hot flashes and insomnia. Once I started taking the estrogen, those have mostly subsided. Now I am just dizzy and exhausted. Starting to get back to that point where I have to pee a lot, too. Feeling bloaty. Sleeping like the dead, though, as if my body's trying to make up for all it missed in the last few weeks, so getting out of bed in the morning is nigh on to painful.

We're practicing, every night, to work me up to being able to give myself the injection. Kaitlin fills one of our used syringes with water and I stab it repeatedly into a dog toy. Still dreading stabbing myself, but hoping if the angle, hand position, and all of that gets to be familiar it will be slightly less scary. Kaitlin has a thing to do tonight and won't be home until late, so I *might* just test to see if I can do it myself tonight. We'll see. Right now if I think about it too hard it gives me shudders.

I bought my plane tickets and hotel. I wired the fee to the Greek bank. I'm working my ASS off at work trying to get things settled for my leave - thankfully my boss is being really awesome about it and I am SO grateful. Naturally, this is the week that everything has decided to blow up. I had to fire a person last Friday, for the first time ever, so we're short handed. Now I'm trying to interview a temporary replacement and do onboarding, plan ahead for onboarding of another new person whose first day is the first day of my leave (ack), trying to prep my staff and my boss to be able to take over all the different irons-in-the-fire that are going on. I still haven't made a packing list, or gone to the bank to buy Euros, or been able to make it to the courthouse to pick up my name change paperwork.

On the plus side: we cleaned out the garage this weekend and it damn near sparkles. Oh, it makes me happy to come home from work and open up that garage door and see things neatly stacked and hung and a swept floor and everything looking orderly and groomed. *happysigh* I have an ultrasound appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning - it'll be pricey, but the last one before I get to Greece. Planning on swinging past the courthouse on my way into work afterword, and picking up that name change paper. I spend the weekend packing, doing my bank run, and generally making sure I have everything I need to leave. Oh, and trying to prep my sleep schedule to minimize jet lag, if I can.

Here's the fun part. Kaitlin drops me off at the airport at 10 PM on Sunday. My flight leaves just past midnight, and drops me at JFK at approximately 4 AM our time. I have a 10 hour layover, then back on the plane at 2 PM our time and off the plane at 9:30 AM Athens time (which is approximately midnight here.) I'll be in Athens for a week, and back on the plane the following Monday.

Still don't know what day the transfer is happening. Praying that our donor has good eggs, that we get at least two good embryos, that everything goes smoothly and that I don't get kidnapped and murdered while I'm traveling alone. O.o Oh, and that I can stomach (ha, ha) giving myself the injections.

Added the cost of all our latest stuff to the costs page and we've hit the $29K mark. I must really, really want this. I sure do hope it works this round.

Right now I'm so tired and things are so crazy that all I can really focus on is the next thing on my to-do list. I know I'm going to be super bored while I'm there, but right now I'm really looking forward to at least the first day or two of nothing-to-do!

IVF#2 CD15 Progress

Long tiring day at work... Seems like we get nice reprieves for a while, but when the client complaints do come, they come all on the same day. It might feel more stressful than usual because I'm trying to think ahead to when I'll be out, too.

Anyway, good news! My IVF coordinator emailed early this morning with estrogen instructions. I'm to start taking it tomorrow, on a steadily increasing schedule. I have to have another ultrasound on the 17th, so I'll have to call my RE here for an appointment... This time Embio sent me the letter i need right away, though, so at least I don't have that to worry about.

I know I have to get a flight out on the 20th, 21st at the very latest, so that I can be sure to get more Lupron in Greece if I need it. She says the earliest I'll be able to leave is around the 27th-29th but it will take a few more days for her to be more specific. I may have to ask for two full weeks off, and then come back to work early if I get back in town in time. I told her I can wait until Monday for a more specific tpdate, but then I really need to buy tickets and get a hotel room before everything is sold out.

I ended up working late, until almost 8 pm, because of how crazy the day was. So now I'm pretty foggy in the head and hopefully will be a little more on top of things tomorrow. I'm going to try and leave work early tomorrow so I can go get that missing paper for my name change...

Also google-maps-street-viewed the metro stations in Athens that I'd need to use if I were going to take the metro to Embio instead of a taxi. I think I could make the walk without getting lost. We'll see how adventurous I am feeling once I'm there. Since I will have almost nothing to do, a couple of stretches of walking and a metro ride might actually feel like a nice diversion.

Anyway, gearing up for tonight's injection and then I'm headed to bed -- so tired!

IVF#2 CD14 - Name Change and Other Developments

I was supposed to get an email from my new IVF coordinator today with instructions about Estrogen (and hopefully some idea of the dates I have to be in Greece) but didn't hear anything. Sent an email, but won't get a reply until probably early tomorrow morning because of the time difference. Here's hoping she gets in touch and we don't have another stressful period of silence...

I went to the bank today and finalized the transfer of 4800 Euro to the Greek clinic. Also hoping everything goes smoothly and that the 4800 is accepted, since that's what they originally quoted me.

I finally, finally got my IRS background check back for my name change. You know, the paperwork I started right after I got my BFP in December. So I took a long lunch yesterday and went to the county courthouse, about 20 minutes and 20 miles from work, to file the paperwork. Got it filed and paid my $120, only to be told that the judges were on lunch and if I wanted to wait, I could get it signed. I couldn't wait, because I had a meeting at work I had to get back to. They said okay, if I could get back by 4:30 I could get it signed then.

Drove back to work, went to the meeting. Left the meeting a little early so I'd have time to drive BACK to the courthouse, where first the lady told me the judges had closed at 4, then the other lady said she might be able to squeeze me in. Sat there for about 15 minutes and the court clerk called me upstairs - judge signed my petition. They set a review hearing for 5/22, so I have to go back then to have the final order issued.

Drove home with my paperwork, ready to send it off to the publisher in order to meet the 3-weeks-of-published-notice requirement. Realized when I got home that they gave me only one of the two documents I need. So now I have to find another day when I can either come in late or leave early so that I can go back to the courthouse, pick up the second document, and fulfill the publication requirement before I leave the country. Ugh. Really annoyed, because it means a lot of gas and time away from work, and the courthouse is only open during the times I'm supposed to be at work.

In the meantime, I got a phone call yesterday morning that my sister-in-law is pregnant. She and my brother have only been trying for about 6 months. And while I am happy for them - I truly am - and I know they're super excited and they deserve to be, I had to retreat into my own space for a while to process. Twenty five grand we've spent on this. Pills, injections, more doctors' visits than I can count, being probed and stabbed over and over again. Flights and hotel and wiring money and ordering meds overseas and traveling halfway around the world... finally, FINALLY getting pregnant only to lose the baby... and we're no closer to our baby now than we were fifteen months ago when we started all this.  Yet after six months, my brother and his wife get pregnant, easy as that.

I know the world isn't always fair. I know that just because we're struggling with infertility doesn't mean the rest of the world should have to. And I don't wish this awfulness and stress on anybody. But it does make me rage at the universe, a little. I want a baby so badly. I feel, though I know it's ridiculous and irrelevant, that surely we've "earned" pregnancy by now. Surely it should be our "turn". Surely the world should be more fair than this.

I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I was a bigger person. I wish I was graceful and kind and loving and generous and selfless. I want to be joyful and patient through all of this, to just sit back and enjoy the adventure, the mystery, the anticipation, the exotic foreign travel. Yet I'm mad, and I don't even have anyone to be mad AT.

But there is a silver lining. If this next round works my SIL and I can be pregnancy buddies... we can share our experiences throughout the stages of pregnancy, and have our babies at almost the same time, and end up with cousins super close in age. That would make for a fun time at family gatherings, since they'd have automatic playmates. I might even allow myself to believe, if this next round is successful, that that's how it was meant to be.... that maybe the REASON I miscarried, the reason we've had to wait so long, is because fate always meant for us to have babies at the same time.

It's just really hard to keep up hope right now. I'm so afraid of hoping. I'm so afraid of giving up. I'm so tired, tired, tired of the nonstop uncertainty. I'm afraid that all this fear is going to keep me from getting pregnant, in and of itself. Getting pregnant was supposed to be fun. Changing my name was supposed to be fun (it's high time I got rid of my ex's last name and moved on with my life.) Having my next book published was supposed to be fun, but somehow I think my skin has gotten thinner, because every negative comment is getting to me and they never used to before.  Not good. You can't be any sort of creative professional and be that sensitive.

My self-confidence is taking such a beating these last few days, and I just want to curl up and hide until it's over. I need something good to happen. I need some success to come at me and reassure me that I don't suck as a human being. Of course, I'd be more than content to continue to let the world keep beating me up in exchange for a sticky BFP this time.  I could take anything the world throws at me with a happy heart, if only I could just get pregnant again and get to keep it.

If I hadn't lost my baby, I'd be at nineteen weeks or so right now. Almost halfway there. It's hard to imagine. Is it normal that the more time goes by, the MORE you miss a baby that you were barely even pregnant with?

Anyway, I can't think about that for too long or I start crying again. Forward. Have to think forward. I will be in Greece in a week and a half or so. I'll have days to myself to loaf around a hotel, hopefully swim in a pool, read books, write, surf the internet, SLEEP - whatever I want. We have another chance, when I didn't think that we would for a long time. And nothing I do can change fate. I follow my med protocol, I get my butt to Greece, I show up to get my embryos, I stay healthy and hydrated and nutriented and restful. That's all I can do. The rest is just a roll of the dice and a prayer.

IVF#2 CD6 - Incredibly stressful weekend

Oh my gosh, has this been a stressful weekend.

First off, I ran out of my Ambien prescription and got hit by a bout of insomnia that sucked the life out of me. A total of about sixteen hours of sleep over the course of six days left me hallucinating and feeling kind of stoned... miserable, overly emotional, and pretty much nonfunctioning. I left work early on Friday because I couldn't concentrate, and called in sick yesterday for the same reason. Finally, yesterday afternoon, I got in to see my doctor. She refilled my prescription and gave me 5 refills this time (hallelujah!!) so I waited around for three hours for Walgreens to give me that precious bottle before going home, eating dinner, and going to bed. Sure enough, the first blissful, full night of sleep I've had in a week. I feel like a human being again!

I'm going to refill this prescription every thirty days for the next six months. I won't use the tablets nearly that fast - I actually rarely need them - but I'm going to have the maximum number possible on hand so that hopefully I never, ever run out again. Being that sleepless for that long is maybe one of the most miserable states I've ever been in. Ugh.

Anyway, in the middle of all of this I get a call from my RE. They say that they made a mistake in my last cycle by billing my insurance for the scans and bloodwork - since I've moved on to IVF, and my insurance doesn't cover IVF, they were supposed to charge me the full amount. Therefore, they'd be "happy" to continue to provide me with the scans, but it will cost me $487 every time. Personally, I think they're just doing this because I'm "not their client anymore." My insurance didn't cover IUI either, but they still billed insurance for the ultrasounds then... I think they kind of don't want to work with me anymore and are hoping I'll go away.

I just about lost my mind. That's almost $1500 more for this cycle than I had budgeted, and there's nothing I can do to argue with them. But we're already halfway through the Lupron protocol -- quitting now means wasting $400 in medicine that I've already taken. So there's no choice, I just have to put the scan costs on my credit card. However, I'm going to try to get to Greece a little early after all so that the last scan can take place there, where it's included in the cost of my overall treatment. I'll end up taking more time off of work, and spending extra nights in the hotel, but it still will cost less than $500 for the stupid scan.

To make matters worse, I hadn't heard back from the Greek clinic at all for days. They wanted me to have a scan on CD3, but my RE wouldn't see me unless I brought a letter from the Greek clinic ordering the scans. My Greek coordinator wasn't answering any of my emails. Finally I emailed Dr. Paraschos himself, from the contact form on the website, and he answered right away - apparently my coordinator is on leave for a while and someone else was supposed to be checking her messages. He made sure I got the letter I needed. I got in for the u/s yesterday, which was CD5 - at least he said he thought that would still be okay.

So, I went in for the u/s yesterday - since I'd already called in sick, at least I didn't have to try and leave work for the appointment - and paid them their freaking $500, and got the scan and blood draw. This morning I got an email from the RE that they tried to email the results to Greece and it bounced back (they didn't cc me like I'd asked) so I forwarded the results directly to my substitute coordinator. She was responsive, thank God, and said she'd be in touch around Friday with more instructions.

Add to that the fact that my Lupron shipment, which was supposed to arrive over a week ago, had still not arrived (and finally came in on Saturday, I had to drive to the post office to pick it up on Monday because we weren't home when they tried to deliver it),

To sum up, insomnia, RE money problems, Greek communication problems, and worry about getting my meds in time all combined to make me a ball of emotional anxiety the entire weekend. I tried chilling out using every meditative practice I could think of, playing solitaire for hours on end, reading (when my exhausted eyes would cooperate) and generally taking it easy. But oh, I am so SO SO grateful that I now have a bottle of Ambien, a good night's sleep, my meds safely stowed away, and communication re-established with Embio. I also got paid today, so I have been able to pay off some of the debt that's been stacking up on my credit cards.

Overall I'm feeling like the sun has finally broken through a cloud, and things are going to be okay. Still mad about the ridiculously expensive ultrasounds. But in a couple weeks I will be in Greece, getting two more embryos transferred, and the chances are 60% - better than half - that at least one is going to implant. At least we GET the chance to roll the dice again, because there's a zero % chance we'd get pregnant without doing this.

I also did some research into adoption. Found an agency (lifelongadoptions.com) that specializes in LGBT couples. Adoption is also crazy expensive... maybe just as much as we've already spent on this... and I don't actually know if we would be able to find the money. But it's nice to know that it could be an option, if this round doesn't stick either.  Trying not to stare too hard into that future, because right now it's really hard to think that this one might not work.

Spending today feeling grateful <3

IVF#2 CD1 - Here We Go

AF arrived last night, so first thing this morning I emailed the Greek clinic requesting written orders for the ultrasound/bloodwork they need, and then called the RE clinic here for an appointment. They did make an appointment for me for Saturday at 8 AM, though she didn't sound very enthusiastic about it. *sigh*

Also, my Lupron shipment still hasn't arrived, and I'm getting nervous. If it doesn't get here by Monday I may have to order another bottle and pay the $99 for one-week shipping, just to be sure I have a bottle here on time when I run out of the one we're currently working on. Irritating.

In the meantime, I should get started on wiring the money for this next round to the Greek clinic. I'm going to wait until next week, though, because I'm trying to decide exactly what to do about the amount they asked for. Her first couple emails said the cost would be 4800 Euro. Then, in her most recent email, she said 5000 Euro instead. I think she's forgetting her original quote, and I am tempted to just send them the 4800 and see if they say anything about it. I can always bring the rest with me in cash and pay them when I get there if they won't give me the embryos without it. But I think it's a little underhanded to quote someone one price and then come up with another a few weeks later. :/

I'm also stuck in another round of insomnia right now. I ran out of Ambien, and made an appointment with my doctor but they couldn't get me in until next Monday. So I've been chopping my last remaining pill into bits in the attempt to make it last longer... I took a quarter of a pill last night but it wasn't strong enough so I still didn't sleep. I have another quarter of a pill I can take tonight, and that's the last of it. My regular OTC sleeping pills aren't working, nor is the melatonin I take nightly... so I have several more sleepless nights to look forward to. Ugh. I'm at work today in a daze, colors and lights and sounds swirling around my head. I've been having a hard time concentrating this week in general, what with the PMS and the excitement/nervousness of starting another cycle and the insomnia. I'm grateful that my boss is on vacation this week, though - it takes some of the anxiety and stress out of it, at least.

I'm having dreams about being pregnant, having a baby. I'm daydreaming about it in the car on the way to work, on the way home. I'm trying to imagine, too, the emotions if we get a BFN this time, because imagining the scenario helps me prepare for the possibility that it might happen. At the same time, it feels like it just has to work this time. It just HAS to. After all, it already worked once. We just need one chromosomally-sound embryo -- just one of two -- that will stick around and see us through to a baby. It has to work. Right???

Kaitlin and I talked about numbers again. We're sticking with two. No matter how badly we want to get pregnant, neither of us is prepared for triplets, nor are we prepared to do a pregnancy reduction if three embryos were to stick. While the doctor thinks that's unlikely, we saw all the pictures of triplets on his office walls. It feels irresponsible to opt for three when we KNOW we aren't prepared to accept it if they all stick. But I also know that, especially because I'll be there alone, I'm going to face a last-minute moment of temptation. I'm sure the doctor's going to recommend three again. And I want that second BFP so badly that I know a part of me is going to be whispering "just risk it!" I keep asking Kaitlin to re-affirm that two is the right decision. I'm sure it's probably annoying, but I need to pound it into my head before I get over there and face that moment of desperate longing alone.

Anyway, it feels like it's been a hundred million years since January, yet mid-April still feels a hundred million years away. It occurred to me this morning that, if this works, this may be my last AF for a good long while. God I hope so. It occurred to me that, if this works, in about six weeks I'll have that stack of positive pregnancy tests on my counter again. If this works, in about two months I'll see a heartbeat on an ultrasound, and somehow I know that all the horror and grief of the last few months will be more than made up for by the sight of that one tiny little pulse.

If the universe will just please, please, PLEASE throw us a bone this time...

IVF#2 - Still waiting for AF

I am expecting AF today, but so far she hasn't showed. We've been doing Lupron shots for a week now, and we're opening up our second bottle of meds, and the bottle I ordered on 3/5 still hasn't arrived yet even though the USPS tracking says it was in Chicago on 3/16. Starting to get a little nervous. I have enough meds for two more weeks. SURELY the new bottle will arrive by then...??

Once AF shows I have to call my RE's office for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm not looking forward to explaining to them that I miscarried in January. I'm hoping, though, that AF is going to come today, because then I can get an appointment for Friday. If it doesn't come today I'll need a weekend appointment, and that's only going to make my already-somewhat-unfriendly RE even unfriendlier.

I am a blur of emotions right now (part of the reason I know AF is coming, LOL). I am excited and hopeful... even have moments where I'm absolutely certain that this is going to be it for us, that I'm going to have a few relaxing days in Greece, come home and get another string of positive pregnancy tests a couple weeks later, but this time NO BLEEDING, NO CRAMPING, NO SCARIES. Just two weeks, BFP, a couple positive betas, four weeks of excited bliss, a first ultrasound showing a perfectly normal developing sac (or two), and on to morning sickness, more ultrasounds, and relatively smooth sailing for the next nine months.

 But I am also still angry, maybe even a little in disbelief over January's loss. It still feels incomprehensible that I'm not pregnant anymore. I should have a baby the size of an avocado right now. I should be wearing maternity clothes, decorating a nursery, and heck... I might know the baby's gender by now. I should be posting weekly bump photos to Facebook and keeping a pregnancy journal and just... celebrating life.

Instead I'm planning another trip to Greece. Quietly, trying to keep it as short and low-key as possible. I'm trying to think of it as a nice little mini-vacation, a chance to read, work on my next book, rest - and not think of it as a long, exhausting, lonely, somewhat scary trip to a foreign country all alone where I don't speak the language and have to figure out how to call taxis by myself and whether it's safe to walk a few blocks from my hotel at night to eat dinner alone.  And in that sense I feel sad, and scared, and maybe a little depressed. While I do have moments where I'm certain it's going to work, there are just as many moments when the fatalist in me is equally sure that I'm going to go, force myself to stab my own stomach with a needle, go through the pinchy-pressure of the transfer all alone, fly for hours and hours and hours and hours, only to get a BFN two weeks later and be no closer to having a baby than I am right now and completely broke, with months and months and months to go before I can try for a third and final time. Or worse, I get pregnant and miscarry again. I keep thinking about that bitter Italian lady that I got stuck next to during the two hour recovery time at the clinic - how it was her second attempt and she spent most of the time talking about how she was sure it wasn't going to work. I hear a lot of her in my own thoughts right now and I don't like it. One resolution - I am for SURE not going to allow myself to burst the bubble of anybody else while I'm there. I may not be able to keep the negativity out of my own head, but I am sure as heck not going to plant it in anybody else's. That's just mean.

I want to cry. I also desperately want to hope, but only if this time is actually going to result in a baby. I'd rather not have any hope at all than go through that disappointment again. But it's not like I can really complain, since I'm the one who's choosing to stay in this game. That means I'm choosing to risk more disappointment, which is still more appealing right now than the thought of giving up. So I may be feeling bitter and disgusted with the universe, but I guess I still must have hope in there somewhere. As much as I'd like to throw my hands in the air and exclaim theatrically that I'm DONE, as much as I hate hate hate the idea of false hope, I must not have really given up yet... because I'm going back. That has to count for something, right?

The excitement of my new book launch has mostly worn off. In a sense it feels a little anticlimactic, actually, because it doesn't feel like I've gotten as much feedback as I guess I was expecting. I've been filling the time in the past few days with designing Disney-princess-themed work outfits on Polyvore and trying not to think too much. I'm taking my prenatal faithfully, along with a slew of other vitamins. I filled my mini-fridge at work with salad stuff. I'm trying to drink water, though I'm not very good at it. I'm trying to stay focused at work, though I'm not doing a good job of that this week either.

I'm tired today, and highly emotional, and also restless. So basically, PMSy. The one thing that I do know is that while right now the moment of truth feels so far away - end of April/beginning of May, probably, before I'll know if this round works - it will eventually get here. Time keeps marching on. Not as fast as I want it to, I'm still really wishing for that fast-forward button - but it will eventually get here, and I'll have my answer for better or worse.

If it works, the due date would be early January next year.

I just have to keep my eye on next month's calendar, and keep making it through the days. Someday when I'm old and gray I'll probably look back at this time and wish that I'd spent more time enjoying the days I did have instead of wishing they'd hurry by. Perspective is such a tricky thing.

IVF#1 CD11 we're leaving tomorrow

This week has been a whirlwind of preparations, from wiring money to Europe to packing to trying to get things at work squared away to minimize what my boss is going to need to cover for me and dealing with a staff member who has resigned and having two vacancies to fill... I am exhausted. But it's done now. The only thing left is some house cleaning. We're getting up super early tomorrow morning in the attempt to start preparing our bodies for the dramatic time change, so we'll do more cleaning before our ride comes to take us to the airport.

Then it's off to Rome, then Athens. Our embryo transfer is scheduled -- get this -- TWO HOURS after stepping off the plane. Yeah. And I did get the profile for our egg donor... Much less info for her than for the sperm donor, but I know she's 26, with fair skin, light brown hair, and blue-green eyes. She's 5'7" and apparently has a clean health history. This is her first egg donation, though she has had one successful pregnancy of her own. Combine that with our red headed Danish sperm donor.... And we see what we get.

We also find out if we got any good embryos, or have enough to freeze, and have to decide then how many to put in.

Then we wait, and wander around Athens, and take some tours and other neat stuff, and keep every possible appendage crossed that we get a positive pregnancy test...

IVF#1 CD8 International Money, AHH!

So the last few days have been a very interesting exercise in learning how international money exchanges are done....

The travel agency finally got back to me with a figure - 1440 Euro for several tours and nine nights' accommodation as well as airport transfers. Of course, because it's so late in the game I had to pay them via credit card, and of course, they don't accept my American Express that would have kept me from having to pay any currency conversion fees. I scoured the internet to try and figure out how much it would *really* cost in USD after charging it. According to the Wells Fargo site, my fee is 3% of the transaction; and according to the Visa calculator site, the total conversion rate including the 3% comes out to 1.288 USD per Euro, or about $1854. But I won't really know what exactly was charged to my card until the charge goes through, which could take a couple of days.

Add to that the roundabout necessity of wiring money to my Greek clinic's Swiss bank... the clinic sent me their bank info, and I signed up for an account on USFOREX.com (which was actually pretty easy). Then USFOREX had to call me to set my account up... then I had to create the transaction online for the 5500 Euros, and got a rate of 1.26 USD per Euro (not too bad, better than my bank which would have been at least 3% plus $45 wiring fee) for a grand total of $6913.89. Then USFOREX called me again to confirm, and they've sent me instructions to wire my money to their US bank (still going to be about a $30 wiring fee, I think). I have to go to the bank on my lunch break and complete the wire, but they assure me that as long as I wire them the money today, the Greek clinic should have the funds by Thursday or Friday.

All of this adds up SO DAMN FAST. And, if we have enough embryos for freezing, I'll owe the clinic another 1000 Euro for that and will have to go through the whole wiring process again. Except I don't know that I will be able to do that until I'm back stateside. I might have to use my Traveler Visa at an ATM ($5 plus 3% for the transaction) and pay them in cash for the freezing.

In terms of my "Costs of TTC" page, I'm only going to include 630 Euro ($806.40) of the travel agency's total - because that's the cost of the hotel. The extra tours we want to take while we're there really aren't part of the TTC expense. But I'm waiting to update these figures until I know exactly,
in USD, how much everything is going to cost.

Add to that the absolute insanity at work as I try to get ready to leave AND try to figure out how to replace my clerk (in my boss's words, "creatively") AND try to get packed at home AND try to help Kaitlin get ready to leave (she's starting to feel the pressure too) and it's just crazy. I'm so afraid I'm going to miss something vitally important.

One thing at a time, I guess. Now to cram some work in before I run to the bank and the grocery store - I need to pick up some travel sized toothpaste and some Airborne, because a bunch of the ladies at my office are sniffly and sick and I CANNOT CANNOT get sick on this trip.

If it does turn out that we need to do a second round with our frozen ones, I will have them put back two embryos for sure. The cost should be a lot less, because I'll travel alone - $1300 for a plane ticket, maybe $60/night for 2 - 3 nights in a hotel, and $1000ish for the FET, so something like $2500 when it's all said and done. After spending SO much on this already, how sad is it that I'm thinking Pshhh, $2500 is NOTHING? X.x

I would give anything for this to just work the first time. For us to be able to come back from Greece, after an amazing vacation, and find that we're pregnant... and, of course, for the pregnancy to stick and be full and healthy. That's really all I want right now. That's all I want. Please, universe??

IVF#1 CD6 So much to do, so little time...

Thank god for the 4 day holiday weekend, as I've had to spend it making all kinds of travel plans. I did get the oil changed in my car, my hair cut and colored, groceries bought for this last week, and went to the bank for some cash in Euros (omg was that expensive, I HATE that the currency conversion rate is higher for purchasing cash than it is for credit card purchases or bank wires) and had a near panic attack in learning that the rate was going to be higher than I calculated in order to pay the clinc. But, I found a website - usforex.com - that can wire money for me to the clinic and the travel agency in Greece at an exchange rate just a tiny bit above market (1.26, above 1.24, as opposed to my bank's ridiculous 1.31) and that should save me a few hundred dollars.


But, I had to email the Greek clinic and request their bank account information so that I can wire the funds, and won't be able to complete the wire until tomorrow when the market opens. I also have to work out some travel itinerary details with the travel agency. It looks like we won't be able to take the tour we were planning on, because they only offer it starting on Mondays and the dates of our travel won't accommodate it. It may end up changing the overall price of our package, though, and that would be ok by me.


The money stuff is starting to freak me out a little. It's looking like when it's all said and done we're going to be spending just about all of that $15K I borrowed - and a lot of it is due to the currency conversion rates and the cost of spending money overseas. Maybe we'll get lucky, though, and find that we can stay within our cash for all our transportation/food/tips/shopping??


Add to all of that the anxiety over whether this extremely expensive venture is going to turn into a baby for us... whether it could turn into twins... whether it's going to be ineffective and we won't get pregnant at all and have to decide whether to spend another $4000 or so for an FET attempt...


And all of the bits and pieces at work that I'm going to have to iron out, oh my god... one of my staff just handed in her two-week notice the day before Thanksgiving, so we're going to be short one person and worried about job posting and interviews and all that, which I can't do until after I get back into the country, meaning my staff are going to be down one person for at least a month and I would guess two... and it's our most critical position, our clerk. Then there's the new software program they're trying to train staff on and roll out in January, and key training sessions are scheduled to happen while I'm going to be out... and then worst of all, the director and my boss have a meeting planned with my unit, on a day I'm not going to be there, which almost assuredly guarantees that my staff are going to throw me under the bus yet again in my absence, and I'll have to try and clean that up before a position comes open that the bosses want me to move into and leave my field of expertise for pretty much ever...


And all of this stress, of course, is not conducive to getting pregnant. I know that I should be sitting back and saying to hell with it all, what will be will be, I'm getting out of here for two weeks and taking a dream European vacation and getting pregnant to boot... and I just can't figure out how to let go of the anxiety long enough to be able to do that, because I want so much to have a crystal ball and be able to KNOW - will I get pregnant? Will things turn out okay at work? Is my absence going to result in a terrible redirection of my career? Will we be able to pay off this debt when it's all said and done? Will we end up with twins?  I think, if I could see into the future and KNOW what was going to happen, all my anxiety would end.  I would either make different choices to avoid a future I don't want, or at least be able to prepare myself for the consequences better because I'd know what's coming. But of course, not knowing is part of the human condition. All I can do is try to be as prepared as I can be for anything that could happen... and then accept whatever comes as something I could not have changed, because I made the very best choices I could given the information I had at the time.


So yeah. On the list of things to do today: setting up the usforex contact so I can make transfers as soon as  have the amounts due; cleaning the downstairs and making a packing list; setting up the Christmas tree since we'll be hosting Christmas when we get back; making a list of things for Kaitlin to clean during her day off tomorrow. Oh, and downloading some e-books to read on the plane. If I have any time to myself, probably also writing or watching some mindless TV to take my mind off things.


Right after I finish my coffee...

IVF#1 CD4 Greece is a GO!

We have plane tickets. We're leaving this coming Saturday, the 6th, and somehow the fates arranged it so that we have one extra bonus overnight layover in Rome! So here's the itinerary as it stands for now:


Saturday, December 6th:
Leaving Denver at 10:48 AM. Arriving at JFK Airport in NYC at 4:27 PM.
Leaving NYC at 8:12 PM. Overnight flight to Rome (8 hours.)


Sunday, December 7th:
Arriving in Rome at 11:40 AM. Taking the train to downtown Rome (about 30 minutes)
Taking a walking tour around the heart of Rome to see as much as we can, including the Parthenon and the Colesseum.
Staying overnight at B&B Elevenrome.


Monday, December 8th:
Check out of the B&B by 6 AM. Walk to the train station (about 30 minutes.)
Take the 6:37 AM train to the airport (about 30 minutes) and arrive by 7:00.
Leaving Rome at 8:40 AM.
Arriving in Athens at 11:40 AM, where our tour package should provide transportation to our hotel.




We will have 6 overnights in Athens total, and 3 overnights in other places as part of the tour package. So at some point during the trip we will be taking a half-day tour of Athens, a one-day cruise between Aegina, Poros and Hydra islands, and tours of Olympia, Delphi and Meteora (with overnights in/near each.) The travel agency is choosing the hotels for this part of our trip, so I'll have to update the itinerary once we get more details about how that's going to work.


Wednesday, December 17th:
Check out of the hotel at probably 4 AM. Our tour package should provide us with transportation back to the airport.
Leaving Athens at 6 AM, arriving in Rome at 7:05 AM.
Leaving Rome at 10:30 AM, arriving in NYC (JFK) at 2:20 PM.
Leaving NYC at 8:14 PM, arriving in Denver at 10:59 PM.


And in the meantime, we'll be continuing our Lupron injections. The Greek Clinic asked me to start taking my estrogen supplements on a steadily increasing schedule, starting yesterday, so we've added that, too. I bought the tickets in my maiden name since that's the name on my passport. Hoping it won't cause an issue, but there isn't time or money to get my passport reissued in my current name.


I've started a travel documents pouch for our IDs, plane tickets, reservations, Rome and Athens maps, and anything else I can think of that we might need in paper form in case we don't have internet access. I'm also going to have to start a packing list. And, I only have a week at work to prepare for being gone for two weeks. The plan is to take two full weeks off of work, which means that I'll have a good four days (Thurs - Sunday) after we get home to recover from jet lag, put my feet up and keep on resting in the first part of the TWW.


Then it's back to work for two and a half days, a half day for Christmas Eve and a full day for Christmas off of work again, another day of work that Friday, and a weekend.  We should know by New Year's or so if we are pregnant.


Oh my gosh, this is really happening. The clinic promised to send me the bio of the egg donor tomorrow... I am assuming that means they used my picture and chose the most available donor already, and that she's already got treatment underway.


I will say that the choice of egg donor is one bit of this process I'm less than pleased about. The truth is we're not picky so long as she's healthy and fertile, but it sounds like the clinic pretty much chose her for us without offering us any options. I am also concerned whether they are really giving us a "fresh" donor, or whether they plan on using frozen eggs from an earlier donation... because I haven't heard anything from them about syncing a donor's cycle with mine, or whether she's on meds right now, or when her retrieval date might be scheduled, and I'm a little annoyed since their website was pretty clear that the package included a fresh donor egg. If it turns out to be a frozen one instead, it's not like we're not still going to go through with it... but I will be sure to let folks know that what their website says isn't accurate.


I can't believe we're going to be in Greece in a week. Holy cow.


Please, everybody, cross every available appendage in the hopes that this works...?