39WK3d - he's not here yet

We got the first sneak peek of our amazing maternity shoot with Briony Hope Photography. Turned out so pretty! I think this may be the most skin I've ever posted on the Internet, but oddly Briony made me feel prettier and sexier at eight months pregnant than I ever could have imagined. Really can't wait to see the rest of the pics from the set...

In the meantime, every day is a new strange grab bag of symptoms. My hands, particularly the first two fingers and thumb, go numb while I'm sleeping, so they've started to feel very swollen and the joints are sore, like arthritis. Baby Searc likes to wiggle around a lot, jamming his hands and elbows into my bladder and his feet and toes into my ribs. I have so little energy and even less mobility.  But it's kind of fun to watch my stomach squirming around as he moves. It's kind of hard to connect those sensations and movements with the fact that there's a real person, a tiny person inside my body right now. I think it may not end up feeling truly real until he's actually here.

I've had a ton of doctor appointments, every one shows he's doing well and on track, even on the big side (eep). At one of the appointments last week the doctor was checking my cervix and did some membrane clearing, which she said might induce labor, but no such luck. Made it through the weekend feeling uncomfortable and stiff and achy, but no contractions. And now it is 4 am and I am so congested I can't breathe or sleep. Drinking third trimester tea in the hope that it will get baby moving along. Since he didn't come this weekend, I have to go to work today... And I am not looking forward to the long commute or all the things I am responsible for doing up to the point when labor starts and I can finally go on leave.

From what I can find on the Internet, the congestion is supposed to go away within a couple weeks of delivery. I really hope that's true because now that the nasal sprays no longer really work, the one thing I haven't tried yet is Sudafed. Once it gets late enough this morning I'm going to go to the drug store for some, but I'm not holding out much hope - Sudafed has never worked very well for me.

If baby doesn't come today or tomorrow, I have my next appointment tomorrow afternoon. Last week the doctor mentioned that they could let me go as much as a week overdue, but when we hit the due date we could also induce. My doctor's office measured the due date as April 6, even though I happen to know it's April 8th based on the date of conception. At this point though I don't want to quibble... If they're willing to induce me on Wednesday or Thursday I'll take it.

I'm pretty terrified of the birth and delivery process. Had a meltdown when I started thinking seriously about the IV they're going to give me... I have a phobia of needles but it's really a phobia of foreign objects stuck in my skin, and IVs go in and just... Hang out there, being foreign. *shudder* not as worried about the epidural because once the medicine starts the epidural site also goes numb. Nothing's going to make the IV sit numb, though. And of course then I have all the other normal anxieties about birthing... How will I manage the pain when I have no pain tolerance, what if I tear, what if they have to cut me, what if I end up with a c-section (recovery sounds horrible), how will I be able to go to the bathroom after? All these totally unglamorous things that I just have to keep reminding myself if other women survive them, often repeatedly, then I'm going to make it through ok. And I'm only doing it once, and everybody promises me it will be worth it in the end... I know I must believe that because I wouldn't have fought so long to make this baby otherwise.

Deep breath. Truly, pregnancy has upped my anxiety levels to preposterous proportions. I've been on a crazy hormone trip for so many years now that sometimes I'm not even sure who I'll end up being once this roller coaster comes to a stop. :/

Anyway. I've been feeling so crummy between pregnancy discomforts and work stress that I haven't felt much like blogging, even though we have the nursery mural done and I'm super excited with how it turned out. I'll get around to blogging the pictures soon, promise. Right now, literally just trying to make it through the next couple hours of congested hell so that I can get ready for the work day and get to the drug store. I have the sad feeling that there will be no more sleep for me tonight :(

37WK4D - Home Stretch

Less than three weeks from baby boy's due date, and so many developments I will basically have to list them in bullets:

Symptoms (I have, like, everything right now)

• I sleep for maybe 5 hours a night until the congestion keeps me from being able to go back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Also, my first two fingers and thumb on each hand go numb after I've been laying down for a while, which is distracting.
• Excessively thirsty. Can't seem to drink enough water.
• Swelling in my ankles and hands has actually gone down. Still a little bit going on but nowhere near as painful or crippling as a couple weeks ago. Very, very grateful for the relief from this one.
• Congestion is increasingly worse, and harder to manage even with nasal spray... It wears off too fast.
• Tired. Nauseous, especially in the morning. Heightened anxiety.
• Belly button is almost flat with the rest of my stomach now.
• Swollen, uncomfortable girly bits. Oh, and hemorrhoids. Fun.

Last week's Doctor checkup:

• I lost two pounds (I think because the swelling has reduced) and belly didn't seem to be measuring any bigger than two weeks prior.
• They did a cervical exam, which hurt because my cervix is wayyyy high. She said it was still closed and firm, but about 66% effaced, and baby is head down.
• Baby's heart rate was in the 160's
• They ordered an ultrasound so we got to see him again. It was harder to get good image because he's big now. They estimated he was 7lbs, 8oz.... Gah!!! All his parts are in the right place and doing what they're supposed to, though. He keeps his hands up by his face, and his face mooshed into the placenta, so it was hard to get a good look at him.

Last night's developments:

• Pretty sure I had my first Braxton Hicks contraction (s). Bent down to pick up some laundry and when I straightened my whole belly felt tight, like I was trying to hold a sit-up. Stayed that way for a while. Seemed to get better when I sat down, but resumed when I got back up. There was no real beginning or end to the feeling, like I'd expected... It just was tight, then wasn't anymore. Weird.
• Also pretty sure I lost the mucus plug last night as I was peeing for the hundred millionth time. Wasn't as much as I expected and no blood or blood streaks. Just like a dime's worth of very clotted, shiny EWCM, kind of light yellow. Yay mucus. :P

Work:

• Oh, work. What a huge ball of crazy. My boss announced she is moving on to another job and her last day is 3 days before I'm due. She has always been very, very difficult to work with and I'm a little relieved to have the chance to be answerable to someone else, but the timing means my maternity coverage plan is out the window and my staff are pretty vulnerable for the next few weeks.
• One member of my staff resigned with no notice last week. Probably also a change for the better, though she was a good caseworker and her shoes will be hard to fill. We're getting to hire two contractors to replace her FTE, but I don't know if I'll be around long enough to interview and onboard them... And definitely not to train them. That means my one remaining experienced enforcement worker, who is already covering the majority of my duties because she's the only one who can, is the only resource for three newbie workers once I'm out.
• We're creating a team lead position in order to promote one of my remaining three seasoned workers into a position of more leadership (and higher pay.) but once the position posts there's a hiring process for that, too. Will I be there long enough to see it through?
• Our unit is being moved under the eligibility manager, Erin. I like her and I think it will be a nice change to report to her. In addition, they are going to hire a child support/customer service manager to report directly to her and oversee our unit. I thought I might have caught hints that Erin and our director, Dan, want me to apply for it.  I know that my soon to be former boss had no such intention and had a different person in mind for the job. Not sure if she will be part of the hiring process. Not sure if I would be screwing the team over if I apply, since if they picked me I couldn't step into the role until after maternity leave. Pretty sure that if I did apply and got the job, they would hire a new supervisor for the unit through our contract company. Also not sure how that would work but maybe it would actually be the best way to give my team the leadership they need while I'm out?
• Either way, that job is supposed to be posted in the next couple days. I am waiting for it to come out so I can read it before I decide whether to apply or not. If it does look like something I want, I have to figure out if I should talk to Erin or Dan first about whether I should apply,or just send in an app and see what they do with it, or chicken out because I don't want to see the look on my former boss' face or answer her snarky questions if she decides to be hard on me in the interview.
• All of that is, of course, assuming I don't go into labor first.

Other Developments:

Nursery painting is finally done and so, so cute. We have to wait for a chance to take pics in the daylight before we can share them, though. 

House is a wreck. I have so little mobility and energy and haven't been able to clean much. Thinking about hiring someone to do some chores as I think it would make me feel a little better.

Feeling more and more apprehensive about labor the closer we get. Labor has always been the scariest part of this whole thing for me. And of course, the closer you get the more people want to tell you their horror stories about how awful it is. What if i poop on the delivery table? What if I tear, or have to be cut? (I think I'd almost prefer a C-section, ugh.)  what if I throw up? What if the epidural doesn't work, or wears off? What if it's just horrific pain that there's nothing anybody can do anything about? Honestly I'm more scared of labor than anything else right now. Not worried for baby, I feel like he's going to be fine. Not worried for the exhaustion of a newborn's "schedule", that I can roll with the flow on. Not worried about diapers or even breastfeeding. Right now those things sound pretty manageable, in the face of pushing an eight (ten?) pound watermelon out of my body. I told Kaitlin that if I am in pain, if it's not going well, if I'm pooping or tearing or have to be cut, that I want all grandparents shooed out of the room. I'm ok with them being in there if the epidural is making things calm and bearable, but I really don't want to be self-conscious of my parents and hers looking on while I'm in bad shape.

So anyway. That's where life is right now. Still can't post pictures to this blog with my iPad, I'm going to have to find a solution to that eventually. In the meantime I've managed to kill the hour of not being able to sleep before my alarm goes off. Time to get up and head back to work...

THIRTY-SIX WEEKS

Blogging from my iPad tonight because I haven't had any time at a real computer.... So I can't post images in this one. But, a few updates that should be shared in these last few weeks... :)

I spent week 34 of pregnancy being maybe the sickest I've ever been in my adult life. Went to the doctor with bronchitis, spent the weekend and two workdays at home in bed just focusing on making it through the day. Fever, awful sinus issues, nausea, headache, body aches, a cough that got deeper by the day and liquid rattling in my lungs. Insult to injury, of course, since I'm pregnant I couldn't take any of the meds that would really make a difference. I had Tylenol, robitussin, Vicks, and mucinex, and my doctor prescribed me an antibiotic... But pretty much it was just dealing with the misery until it ran its course.

It's been three weeks and I'm only just now starting to really feel better, though the sickness took a lot out of me and I feel exponentially more tired than before. Not sure if that's just end-of-pregnancy- normal or if being sick depleted my reserves... But either way it's been rough. I still have the cough, though it's much improved compared to how it was during the worst of it. I am really thankful to be feeling better though, and I hope the whole thing passes before I go into labor. Coughing through contractions sounds like it would be just horrific :/

We are now one week away from full term! Baby boy is still kicking and squirming all over, and a few times I've lifted my shirt up so Kaitlin can watch my belly move like a scene out of "Alien". On Wednesday we went and had maternity photos taken with a very talented photographer, Briony Hope, who managed to make me feel beautiful and sexy in spite of my aching feet and swollen ankles... It was a lot of fun. We don't have any of the pics yet, but hoping to get them in the next couple weeks. I feel like they're going to turn out pretty amazing from the glimpses she gave us from the back of her camera, and I can't wait to see the finished versions.

Speaking of aching feet, the lower leg and ankle swelling so far has been one of the most unpleasant pregnancy side effects. It's dramatic enough that I have to sit at work with my legs propped up, and ice packs strapped between my ankles. The soles of my feet feel like bruised water balloons and hurt when I walk, especially on those middle-of-the-night trips to the bathroom. This is one pregnancy symptom I will really not miss. :P

The nursery still needs about two more weekends' worth of painting work, but I am loving the way it's turning out. We have the Europe wall, the castle wall, the Arctic wall, and a little more than half the Asia/Africa/Americas wall done... Just need Brazil, the US, Canada, Mexico, and then the Islands wall behind the door. Really hoping we'll get it finished before little man makes his appearance. He just better love his room for a good 6-7 years before he asks to change it, because it has been a ton of work!

Things at my job are pretty crazy. We have a brand new hire that I'm working frantically to train before I go on leave, in addition to training all my other staff and my boss on the duties each person will need to cover while I'm out. It's keeping me from being able to do as much proactive working-ahead on projects as I'd planned, which is frustrating, but I guess I can't do much else than keep pressing hard until baby decides that it's time to start my leave. The ladies at work did throw me an amazing baby shower, though, and were really generous with gifts, so I feel like we're well stocked for his initial weeks at home.

Oh, just to spice things up, my tiny min-pin decided last weekend to eat the 6-inch Subway sandwich that Kaitlin forgot to put away, and gave herself pancreatitis to the tune of a $1100 vet bill. *cries* it was so hard to watch her in pain, and I'm grateful that she seems to be almost back to normal now, but that was definitely not an expense we needed just four weeks from our due date. Sigh.

So that's what's been going on in our lives the past couple of weeks. Just biding time 'til our little Searc arrives...

33 WEEKS - Feeling Crappy

Glad to be at 33 weeks today - only 7 more to go!

Unfortunately I'm in one of those slumps where I feel like crap. I've had a chronic headache for three days and I'm starting to develop a cough. I had a low fever last night, too, which meant both chills and feeling overheated at the same time, and I didn't end up sleeping very well. I may be fighting off the super nasty bug that Kaitlin had a couple weeks ago. Trying to keep the vitamin C and water flowing and just make it through the next five minutes, and then the next five...

I'm at work today but only barely. My head hurts and my eyes hurt and my stomach hurts and I want to sleep so much... But I can't go home sick, because today we have an interview for our open position and it's pretty vital, and besides, I don't want to use my leave time before my maternity leave. So I'm going to stick it out until after the interview ends at 4:30, then I'm going home, and I'll make up the last couple hours I need to do either tonight or this weekend. 

Just have to make it a few more hours.

32WK5D - Gender announcement

So we finally got to have our baby shower over the weekend, which means I'm finally allowed to announce baby's gender to the general world. ;) We decided to do the announcement simply through appropriate party decorations:

In case you can't see the banner across the windows very well - it's a BOY! <3

We were also able to share his name with everybody. Yes, we're going to end up *those* parents, the ones who name their kid something that's pretty off-the-beaten-path: Searc D'Artagnan. The first name is Irish Gaelic, means "love", and sounds like "shark". (Our alternate for a girl was "Saoirse", which means "freedom", and sounds like "Seersha".) And his middle name is a character from The Three Musketeers, which makes it both literary and related to swordfighting. ;) He'll either love it or hate it, I guess, but we've decided that if he doesn't like it we'll help him legally change it when he gets old enough to choose something different for himself. Still, I'm pretty convinced that few little boys would not love the name SHARK. And I'm kind of thinking many grown men would secretly love it too, LOL. 

So anyway, we had a wonderful party with many wonderful friends, and a few of their little ones too <3 We had the "It's A Small World" castle put on the cake, which turned out pretty nice, and got the chance to show off our halfway-finished nursery, and all in all really enjoyed ourselves. 

Of course, we were both really exhausted afterward, because we've spent weeks cleaning and doing nursery work to prep for the party. 

So Sunday, which was Valentine's Day, turned into a day for resting. I went shopping at a bunch of baby consignment and thrift stores for more nursery stuff, and we took our 32-week belly pic (gender announcement edition!):

I really do have a belly that shows up now, though it's still small enough that we scheduled our maternity photos for the 35 week mark, which is later than the photographer usually does them, in the hopes that the bump will be closer to the impressive ones she usually photographs. Of course, we also have to seriously hope that baby boy doesn't decide he's in a hurry and arrives before we get the chance to take pictures!

Things at work are still pressurized, though not as bad as they were in January. Right now I'm focused mostly on building a solid coverage plan while I'm out. I presented my maternity leave plan to my boss, and got the impression she's not thrilled I'm taking all 12 weeks of FMLA - but since I have the leave to cover it in full and I'm entitled to it by law, I guess the end result is that the plan is approved, even if she never directly said so. Anyway, the plan involves 8 weeks off, then working from home for 8 hours in week 9 and 16 hours in week 10, then four weeks working on-site 20 hours/week, then three weeks working 4-day weeks, before I'm completely back to full time. It really is a win-win, since I come back to work earlier, get to ease back into a work schedule instead of leaping back in, and get to use all 12 weeks of my leave. Oh, and by the time I'm back to a regular schedule I'll also have another 5 1/2 days worth of leave saved back up again. At no time will I actually be without leave hours entirely.

I'm looking forward to it maybe more than I should. For better or worse, I'll have eight weeks to refocus my life around my son instead of my job. Right now the round the clock feedings and diaper changes and so on still sound like a welcome vacation compared to the pressure cooker at work. :P One of the many reasons I wanted to be a parent so badly is so that I wouldn't grow old and look back on my life and realize I lived most of it defined by my job. A child lets me redefine my life around things that matter more than what I do for a paycheck.

So anyway, feeling pretty good this past week. Nausea is more under control since I increased the Diclegis, and congestion is mostly under control with Afrin. Had some sleeping difficulties in the last few days, but slept well last night (really didn't want to wake up this morning!) Baby boy is moving and grooving all the time. He's found one spot on my left side that I think he's jabbing an elbow into, and that randomly hurts, but otherwise it's the usual weird slooshing and sliming from one side to the other, or from top to bottom, or little kicks to my ribcage just under my lungs. He also gets the hiccups pretty regularly too. It took me a while to realize that's what they are, because it feels like a rhythmic kicking against my cervix from the inside. It's a bizarre sensation, but now that I know what it is it's kind of funny.

No Braxton-Hicks contractions that I've noticed. I have, however, graduated to the swollen ankles and feet stage, not enjoyng that so much. :P

A nursery post will be coming soon, promise! In the meantime, my lunch break's about over so time to get back to work ;)

30WK2D - catching up

Wow do I have a lot of catching up to do... It's been ages since I last blogged. Things at work have gotten a little nuts. Had to let someone go, and another staff person just went out on military leave so I'm training her replacement, and we just got a new customer service assistant so I'm training her too, with almost no time to do anything for myself anymore. Between working until 7-8 every night, my hour long commute, being seven months pregnant, and Kaitlin being super sick this past week (trying desperately not to catch what she's got) I'm pretty much all used up most of the time.

That being said, I managed to do my taxes and pay my bills last week. And we've been able to make steady, if slow, progress on the nursery. Also, we've made it into the third trimester! HOME STRETCH, GUYS!! I can't believe it's coming up so fast.

But first things first. Belly picture updates! We have one for 28 weeks:

And one from this weekend at 30 weeks. CUCUMBERBABY <3

Up next, we have pics from the 3D ultrasound that we had done yesterday. Baby spent a lot of time smashing face into the placenta and/or a hand, but the tech did a great job of catching these shots anyway. Just look at this little face!

We had these done at Belly Up Spa in south Denver, the same place we went back in September-ish to do the gender scan at 14 week. The place is super cute and the ladies there are all so nice! I splurged on a little "heartbeat animal" - they recorded baby's heartbeat into a little glowy heartshaped thing and then stuffed it inside a plush giraffe. <3 It makes for good cuddling!

I haven't been able to stop staring at these pics. I've been feeling baby kicking and grooving around for months now, but somehow, getting to see baby's face makes it so much more REAL. In ten weeks, this little person is going to leave my body and join our family. Just... Amazing.

In terms of pregnancy symptoms, being tired still tops the list. I also threw up yesterday morning - for only the second time in this entire pregnancy, so I don't really get to complain - though the nausea is mostly kept in check so long as I take my Diclegis. I am having an increasingly hard time fitting baby, food, oxygen, pee and gas in my body at the same time. So right after I eat I usually have a hard time breathing for a while. Congestion is chronic, but held at bay mostly by Afrin. Taking a ton of Vitamin C to try and keep from getting Kaitlin's bug :/ oh, and occasionally I pee a little, by accident, when I sneeze. Or cough, or laugh. Don't much care for that at all! Only other symptom is that the soles of my feet get tired and swollen a lot faster than they used to, so I basically want to wear sneakers all the time.

In the meantime, we're working hard on the nursery - which will really need its own separate post. So leaving things here for tonight, hopefully this week I'll get the chance to update again with some of the nursery in-progress pics and other goodies <3. In the meantime, headed to bed...going to be another long, long workday tomorrow...