39WK3d - he's not here yet

We got the first sneak peek of our amazing maternity shoot with Briony Hope Photography. Turned out so pretty! I think this may be the most skin I've ever posted on the Internet, but oddly Briony made me feel prettier and sexier at eight months pregnant than I ever could have imagined. Really can't wait to see the rest of the pics from the set...

In the meantime, every day is a new strange grab bag of symptoms. My hands, particularly the first two fingers and thumb, go numb while I'm sleeping, so they've started to feel very swollen and the joints are sore, like arthritis. Baby Searc likes to wiggle around a lot, jamming his hands and elbows into my bladder and his feet and toes into my ribs. I have so little energy and even less mobility.  But it's kind of fun to watch my stomach squirming around as he moves. It's kind of hard to connect those sensations and movements with the fact that there's a real person, a tiny person inside my body right now. I think it may not end up feeling truly real until he's actually here.

I've had a ton of doctor appointments, every one shows he's doing well and on track, even on the big side (eep). At one of the appointments last week the doctor was checking my cervix and did some membrane clearing, which she said might induce labor, but no such luck. Made it through the weekend feeling uncomfortable and stiff and achy, but no contractions. And now it is 4 am and I am so congested I can't breathe or sleep. Drinking third trimester tea in the hope that it will get baby moving along. Since he didn't come this weekend, I have to go to work today... And I am not looking forward to the long commute or all the things I am responsible for doing up to the point when labor starts and I can finally go on leave.

From what I can find on the Internet, the congestion is supposed to go away within a couple weeks of delivery. I really hope that's true because now that the nasal sprays no longer really work, the one thing I haven't tried yet is Sudafed. Once it gets late enough this morning I'm going to go to the drug store for some, but I'm not holding out much hope - Sudafed has never worked very well for me.

If baby doesn't come today or tomorrow, I have my next appointment tomorrow afternoon. Last week the doctor mentioned that they could let me go as much as a week overdue, but when we hit the due date we could also induce. My doctor's office measured the due date as April 6, even though I happen to know it's April 8th based on the date of conception. At this point though I don't want to quibble... If they're willing to induce me on Wednesday or Thursday I'll take it.

I'm pretty terrified of the birth and delivery process. Had a meltdown when I started thinking seriously about the IV they're going to give me... I have a phobia of needles but it's really a phobia of foreign objects stuck in my skin, and IVs go in and just... Hang out there, being foreign. *shudder* not as worried about the epidural because once the medicine starts the epidural site also goes numb. Nothing's going to make the IV sit numb, though. And of course then I have all the other normal anxieties about birthing... How will I manage the pain when I have no pain tolerance, what if I tear, what if they have to cut me, what if I end up with a c-section (recovery sounds horrible), how will I be able to go to the bathroom after? All these totally unglamorous things that I just have to keep reminding myself if other women survive them, often repeatedly, then I'm going to make it through ok. And I'm only doing it once, and everybody promises me it will be worth it in the end... I know I must believe that because I wouldn't have fought so long to make this baby otherwise.

Deep breath. Truly, pregnancy has upped my anxiety levels to preposterous proportions. I've been on a crazy hormone trip for so many years now that sometimes I'm not even sure who I'll end up being once this roller coaster comes to a stop. :/

Anyway. I've been feeling so crummy between pregnancy discomforts and work stress that I haven't felt much like blogging, even though we have the nursery mural done and I'm super excited with how it turned out. I'll get around to blogging the pictures soon, promise. Right now, literally just trying to make it through the next couple hours of congested hell so that I can get ready for the work day and get to the drug store. I have the sad feeling that there will be no more sleep for me tonight :(

32WK5D - Gender announcement

So we finally got to have our baby shower over the weekend, which means I'm finally allowed to announce baby's gender to the general world. ;) We decided to do the announcement simply through appropriate party decorations:

In case you can't see the banner across the windows very well - it's a BOY! <3

We were also able to share his name with everybody. Yes, we're going to end up *those* parents, the ones who name their kid something that's pretty off-the-beaten-path: Searc D'Artagnan. The first name is Irish Gaelic, means "love", and sounds like "shark". (Our alternate for a girl was "Saoirse", which means "freedom", and sounds like "Seersha".) And his middle name is a character from The Three Musketeers, which makes it both literary and related to swordfighting. ;) He'll either love it or hate it, I guess, but we've decided that if he doesn't like it we'll help him legally change it when he gets old enough to choose something different for himself. Still, I'm pretty convinced that few little boys would not love the name SHARK. And I'm kind of thinking many grown men would secretly love it too, LOL. 

So anyway, we had a wonderful party with many wonderful friends, and a few of their little ones too <3 We had the "It's A Small World" castle put on the cake, which turned out pretty nice, and got the chance to show off our halfway-finished nursery, and all in all really enjoyed ourselves. 

Of course, we were both really exhausted afterward, because we've spent weeks cleaning and doing nursery work to prep for the party. 

So Sunday, which was Valentine's Day, turned into a day for resting. I went shopping at a bunch of baby consignment and thrift stores for more nursery stuff, and we took our 32-week belly pic (gender announcement edition!):

I really do have a belly that shows up now, though it's still small enough that we scheduled our maternity photos for the 35 week mark, which is later than the photographer usually does them, in the hopes that the bump will be closer to the impressive ones she usually photographs. Of course, we also have to seriously hope that baby boy doesn't decide he's in a hurry and arrives before we get the chance to take pictures!

Things at work are still pressurized, though not as bad as they were in January. Right now I'm focused mostly on building a solid coverage plan while I'm out. I presented my maternity leave plan to my boss, and got the impression she's not thrilled I'm taking all 12 weeks of FMLA - but since I have the leave to cover it in full and I'm entitled to it by law, I guess the end result is that the plan is approved, even if she never directly said so. Anyway, the plan involves 8 weeks off, then working from home for 8 hours in week 9 and 16 hours in week 10, then four weeks working on-site 20 hours/week, then three weeks working 4-day weeks, before I'm completely back to full time. It really is a win-win, since I come back to work earlier, get to ease back into a work schedule instead of leaping back in, and get to use all 12 weeks of my leave. Oh, and by the time I'm back to a regular schedule I'll also have another 5 1/2 days worth of leave saved back up again. At no time will I actually be without leave hours entirely.

I'm looking forward to it maybe more than I should. For better or worse, I'll have eight weeks to refocus my life around my son instead of my job. Right now the round the clock feedings and diaper changes and so on still sound like a welcome vacation compared to the pressure cooker at work. :P One of the many reasons I wanted to be a parent so badly is so that I wouldn't grow old and look back on my life and realize I lived most of it defined by my job. A child lets me redefine my life around things that matter more than what I do for a paycheck.

So anyway, feeling pretty good this past week. Nausea is more under control since I increased the Diclegis, and congestion is mostly under control with Afrin. Had some sleeping difficulties in the last few days, but slept well last night (really didn't want to wake up this morning!) Baby boy is moving and grooving all the time. He's found one spot on my left side that I think he's jabbing an elbow into, and that randomly hurts, but otherwise it's the usual weird slooshing and sliming from one side to the other, or from top to bottom, or little kicks to my ribcage just under my lungs. He also gets the hiccups pretty regularly too. It took me a while to realize that's what they are, because it feels like a rhythmic kicking against my cervix from the inside. It's a bizarre sensation, but now that I know what it is it's kind of funny.

No Braxton-Hicks contractions that I've noticed. I have, however, graduated to the swollen ankles and feet stage, not enjoyng that so much. :P

A nursery post will be coming soon, promise! In the meantime, my lunch break's about over so time to get back to work ;)

30WK2D - catching up

Wow do I have a lot of catching up to do... It's been ages since I last blogged. Things at work have gotten a little nuts. Had to let someone go, and another staff person just went out on military leave so I'm training her replacement, and we just got a new customer service assistant so I'm training her too, with almost no time to do anything for myself anymore. Between working until 7-8 every night, my hour long commute, being seven months pregnant, and Kaitlin being super sick this past week (trying desperately not to catch what she's got) I'm pretty much all used up most of the time.

That being said, I managed to do my taxes and pay my bills last week. And we've been able to make steady, if slow, progress on the nursery. Also, we've made it into the third trimester! HOME STRETCH, GUYS!! I can't believe it's coming up so fast.

But first things first. Belly picture updates! We have one for 28 weeks:

And one from this weekend at 30 weeks. CUCUMBERBABY <3

Up next, we have pics from the 3D ultrasound that we had done yesterday. Baby spent a lot of time smashing face into the placenta and/or a hand, but the tech did a great job of catching these shots anyway. Just look at this little face!

We had these done at Belly Up Spa in south Denver, the same place we went back in September-ish to do the gender scan at 14 week. The place is super cute and the ladies there are all so nice! I splurged on a little "heartbeat animal" - they recorded baby's heartbeat into a little glowy heartshaped thing and then stuffed it inside a plush giraffe. <3 It makes for good cuddling!

I haven't been able to stop staring at these pics. I've been feeling baby kicking and grooving around for months now, but somehow, getting to see baby's face makes it so much more REAL. In ten weeks, this little person is going to leave my body and join our family. Just... Amazing.

In terms of pregnancy symptoms, being tired still tops the list. I also threw up yesterday morning - for only the second time in this entire pregnancy, so I don't really get to complain - though the nausea is mostly kept in check so long as I take my Diclegis. I am having an increasingly hard time fitting baby, food, oxygen, pee and gas in my body at the same time. So right after I eat I usually have a hard time breathing for a while. Congestion is chronic, but held at bay mostly by Afrin. Taking a ton of Vitamin C to try and keep from getting Kaitlin's bug :/ oh, and occasionally I pee a little, by accident, when I sneeze. Or cough, or laugh. Don't much care for that at all! Only other symptom is that the soles of my feet get tired and swollen a lot faster than they used to, so I basically want to wear sneakers all the time.

In the meantime, we're working hard on the nursery - which will really need its own separate post. So leaving things here for tonight, hopefully this week I'll get the chance to update again with some of the nursery in-progress pics and other goodies <3. In the meantime, headed to bed...going to be another long, long workday tomorrow...

25WK6D - Closing Out The Year

Starting this off with a belly pic from Christmas last week, which coincidentally fell on the same day as our 25-week milestone!

ACORNSQUASHBABY doesn't really roll off the tongue, but that's what the sticker says, LOL. In just a few more weeks, we're out of the second trimester and into the third. Things are starting to get REAL now, yo. :P I still get a lot of comments about how I don't look very pregnant yet - but I'm betting the third trimester's going to kick baby growth into a more obvious gear.

I've been feeling pretty good, overall. Lots of congestion, lots and lots of baby kicks - they're strong enough now that I can sit at work and watch my tummy bouncing <3 Still a little bit of nausea, but it's not bad. And sitting/lying down is awkward and uncomfortable, especially when I have a full stomach. I'm a little tired too, but energy levels are much better than they used to be. So overall, heading into the next few weeks doing pretty well. Our next appointment is on Monday, January 4th - I believe it's mostly a checkup and they do some sort of additional blood test, make sure baby is growing properly and all of that.

We had a really nice Christmas and I finally got to meet my tiny baby niece! Cricket (my little minpin) was fascinated. It's sure going to be interesting for her when our baby shows up, hehe~*

That's my dining room table all set up for Christmas. I am thinking next year, when we have a 8-9 month old, it may not look quite so polished so I better enjoy the memories while I can! Oh, and Kaitlin made the CUTEST Nutcracker-themed scratch-off card game - they looked a bit like lottery tickets - to reveal baby's gender to the family. There was only one "winning" card in the batch - everyone had to scratch off three gold seals to reveal little Nutcrackers (for a boy) and Sugar Plum Fairies (for a girl), and the person who got three matching symbols had the right answer. It was a ton of fun, and my mom was the one who got the winning card, so she got to announce the answer to the rest of the family. <3 I'm still not allowed to announce it on the blog or to friends yet, though, because Kaitlin wants to wait for our shower/gender reveal party that's probably going to be set for February. That feels like such a loooooong time to wait - I'm having an increasingly hard time keeping myself from slipping up as more and more people ask me how the pregnancy is going. :P

Anyway, today is the last day of 2015. And what a year it's been. The nightmare of miscarriage, returning to Greece twice, finally getting pregnant again, the misery of the first trimester, Kaitlin's dad passing away, drama at work, getting married in Vegas, and ending the year five months pregnant and anticipating what will likely be an even more chaotic 2016 :P

I realized this morning that I never did end up picking a OLW (One Little Word) for 2015. The miscarriage and subsequent attempts sapped my confidence quite a bit. Choosing an optimistic word felt presumptuous; choosing a determined word felt like more of a challenge than I had the strength for; and choosing a negative word felt like I'd be placing a curse on the rest of the year. But here we are, at the end of 2015, and I think now I can assign a Word to it - PERSEVERE.

Of all the words I can think of, that's the one that jumps out at me. It goes beyond "SURVIVE", which was all I could do those first few months. But it has a little more gravity than "SUCCEED" or "CELEBRATE," neither of which really capture the darker and more difficult things we've overcome this year. What I really need is a word that encapsulates the idea of "carrying on," of continuing to press forward and refusing to accept defeat even when hope is crushed. So PERSEVERE it is.

And for 2016? Right now I am thinking something along the lines of GROW, NURTURE, and/or EVOLVE. Something that captures the big changes that are going to be coming next year, and the idea of giving a fresh, strong, solid start to a new life - to our marriage, to this new little person we're adding to the world, and to my own life. I think there are probably a lot of applications to my work life, too - I have to take a 12-month break from my job, hope that things go smoothly in my absence, hope others don't use that time to sabotage what I've built here, and maybe even find a way to come back from it in a stronger, better, more valued position. Maternity leave is an opportunity, if I handle it right, to impress my bosses and staff and clients with how prepared I can be and how dedicated to the work I am - but has to be balanced with not making it *too* easy to absorb my absence, because it would be not-so-good if things ran so smoothly without me that it raised the question "What do we even need her for, anyway?"

I'm going to tackle those worries next week, though, and for now just think about getting through the rest of this year.

Now that Christmas and our wedding are checked off the to-do list, we've turned our attention to the next things needing attention: Kaitlin's name change (she changed it with social security and the DMV this week), getting her added to my medical insurance at work, getting her car and motorcycle sold and a more reliable (hopefully 4-door) car purchased, and getting nursery and other baby things squared away.

This week we found a gorgeous dresser and crib on Craigslist for only $100 - a third of what I was budgeting - and snapped it up. We are now the proud owners of this beautiful set of furniture:

We also picked up the jogging stroller/car seat combo we've been eyeing at Babies 'R Us:

And tomorrow we have an electrician coming to the house to run wiring and install a ceiling fan/light in both the nursery and the office, which is a project I have wanted to do for years. We've already started "photobashing" (digitally putting together a layout for the wall mural) and Kaitlin's doing the vectorizing to create the wall art; the "Small World" castle is pretty much done, and the "Europe" wall is next. This weekend I have to finish the photobashing(still have an "Islands" wall, an "Arctic" wall, and the "Asia/Africa/Americas" wall to plan out) in the hopes that Kaitlin will be able to vector it all during the week next week so we can start painting next weekend.

There are so many things we're going to need to get done, from remodeling the nursery closet to installing baby gates to planning the baby shower - not to mention that I really want to take some birthing classes, tour the hospital where baby will be born, and get maternity photos taken. It's a bit overwhelming, but at the same time I'm really looking forward to having so many exciting things to do.

Truthfully I'm a wee bit nervous, heading into New Year's, because of how horrible the New Year was for us last year. I know this baby and pregnancy are different - even if baby were to come early, at 26 weeks there'd still be a decent chance of survival. But I guess traumas get deep into our lizard brains sometimes and they're tough to shake. So taking a deep breath and trying to focus on all the stuff there is to look forward to, and not think too much about scary what-ifs.

It's going to be a good year. *fistpump*

TWENTY-FOUR WEEKS

On our 23-week milestone last week, there was no blog post, because we were in Las Vegas,  busy doing this:

We are officially, legally married! We just need our marriage certificate from vital records, which we had to wait ten days before we can send away for it. But, once we have it in hand, Kaitlin will begin the process of changing her last name, and I will begin the process of getting her added to my medical insurance.

In the meantime, some sadness got mixed in: Kaitlin's father passed away the day before we left for our Vegas trip. So while we had a lovely mini-vacation of seeing the sights and eating good food and generally taking a break from regular life, the moment we got back we were swept back up in a whirlwind of to-dos, including attending his memorial, doing some cleaning at his house, and so on. This weekend will be entirely consumed with Christmas preparations, since I don't even have our tree up yet or any presents wrapped. 

There was also a day of stressing where we realized the CD of our wedding photos was unreadable in any of our computers, and we had to email the chapel and ask them to upload the pictures someplace where we could get them. Thankfully the chapel owner took care of that for us the day after I emailed her, and we were able to spend a bit of time editing the pictures into a photobook and ordering big canvas prints for our wall (really looking forward to getting them.)

So on the list for this weekend includes putting up Christmas decorations, a bunch of Christmas-prep shopping and cleaning, and wrapping gifts. Kaitlin's going to have a pretty significant honey-do list for the work week, too, since she's off work for the schools' Christmas break. But, once Christmas is past, we'll get to refocus a little - taking care of her car/motorcycle sale and working on the nursery, mostly.

Baby seems to be doing just fine, still alternating between quiet times and wiggle times, and still sapping my energy at a much faster rate than I'm used to. Also, it's pretty much impossible now to have a full stomach AND baby AND enough room to take a full lungful of air, so I'm finding myself very short of breath after I eat. I still don't get to eat full meals, either - I get acid reflux once my stomach gets too full, so I'm having to eat until I'm *just* uncomfortable, wait a few hours, and then eat some more. Means I'm pretty much always hungry even when my tummy won't hold any more.

We'll try to take a 24-week belly shot tonight, but for now I'll just leave you with our 23-week "wedding special edition." <3

22WK3D - I am an auntie!

I didn't get to blog on our 22-week milestone on Friday because it was a bit of a whirlwind of a day. We had our big anatomy ultrasound appointment - baby is measuring about 1 lb 3 oz so far, with all body parts and organs accounted for and growing like they should, and a nice strong little heartbeat - we even got to see the little face. <3 I'm waiting for Kaitlin to scan our ultrasound pics in so I can share them, but in the meantime, here's the 22-week baby bump pic:

 

So far I've gained about 10 pounds. The bump still only shows when I wear certain clothes - most of my shirts and jackets are too loose to make it very noticeable. I definitely notice when I'm sitting or trying to lie down, though. Feels like all my insides are being squished and it's hard to breathe. I've had a really hard time sleeping this past week, even with my usual 1/4 to 1/2 of an Ambien pill. I think that's also due to all the stuff we have going on - everything from work, to our Vegas elopement this week <3 and all the preparations, to Kaitlin's sister who's staying with us and the whole situation with Kaitlin's dad, to money issues and saving for another car and still trying to find time to post her car and motorcycle for sale, to the upcoming Christmas plans (I still haven't got our tree up), to the plans for the nursery that we really really need to get a move on but can't until after we get back from Vegas and Kaitlin's sister's gone home... and add to all of that - I became an Auntie on Friday! After 32 hours of labor (YIKES) my sister in law gave birth to little Hannah, who is just so adorable I can't stand it.

My brother is apparently completely smitten - my mom hasn't even gotten to hold the baby yet. :P I haven't been able to meet her yet, and might not get to until Christmas since we're out of town this weekend. But I'm really looking forward to it, she is so tiny and precious. And I'm kindasorta envious that he and my sister-in-law are on the other side of labor and delivery now (the part I'm least looking forward to) and have their little one to cuddle. I want my little one to cuddle!! (But not now, baby, you hear that? You still have like four more months of cooking to do, so don't be getting in a hurry...)

Anyway, it's been absolute insanity the past few weeks so I'm just trying to take things one step at a time. First, finish up preparations for Vegas, and get Kaitlin's sister to her last visits with her dad and then safely to the airport. Then, get to the airport ourselves (at 4 AM) the next morning, make sure we get to all of our scheduled events (but most importantly, the licensing bureau and the chapel) over the weekend, then get home and focus on Christmas prep and, if we're lucky, maybe a little nursery prep. And in the meantime, stay enough on top of things at work that they're not keeping me up at night.

I did call and make an appointment for next week with my doctor to have my Ambien refilled. I think that will also be a big help, because the other stressful thing is the fear that I'm going to run out of medication and be completely sleepless until the next appointment, which is truly miserable.

Just hanging in there, I guess. Pretty amazed that our little bean seems to be plugging away perfectly fine amidst all of mama's fluttering about. And grateful for that, too. Just keep doing your thing, little one, and ignore me for right now. In a month or two we'll have a lot more of this stuff under control. By the time you get here, we'll be ready. <3

BabyCenter's 22 week image!

21WK3D - Long time no blog

Life is slowly settling down after a whirlwind of drama - car problems, money problems, family health problems, elopement planning, a dear friend passing away :( and issues at work that have been hitting one after the other. Unfortunately that means I've missed quite a few milestone posts! But, we did manage to take a 21-week belly pic on Thanksgiving:

We're past the halfway mark now! So here's a summary of some of the main goings-on:

In terms of pregnancy symptoms I'm still tired and fatigued, with minor backache and increasing need to pee. When I'm not super tired, though, my energy levels are pretty good. I'm still experiencing a higher tendency toward anxiety than usual, though now that life-things are settling a bit it's getting better. Baby is kicking a little harder now, and I feel wiggling about 3 - 4 times a day - usually on my morning and afternoon commutes, around lunchtime, and just before bed. Sometimes baby wakes me up with wiggling in the middle of the night, too.

I had a four day weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday - we went to my mom's house on Thanksgiving, and got to see my still-pregnant SIL (at 38 weeks, she's getting very close to her due date!) and parents.

Unfortunately, Kaitlin's dad's health is not doing so well at all, and we're expecting that he may pass away in the next couple weeks. Her sister, Beth, flew in from Idaho to spend some time with him, and she's staying at our house. She arrived on Friday, and will be leaving next Wednesday - which is the day before the day that Kaitlin and I leave for Vegas to get hitched. So this coming weekend's going to be busy, with packing, and hopefully decorating the house for Christmas, and also having a house guest.

Kaitlin's birthday is on Thursday. We celebrate her birthday in the summer, because her actual birthday so often gets lost in holidays and the cold of winter, but we're still going to make her favorite cherry-chip cupcakes and go out to dinner.

Next ultrasound is Friday, at 22 weeks. It's the big one, the full anatomy scan, and if I heard our doc correctly they're actually going to do it in 3-D. Depending on how it goes we may or may not decide to have another 3-D scan done in a month or so at the private ultrasound place. Looking forward to seeing little baby's growth - here's hoping everything's doing what it's supposed to be doing at this stage!

We have pretty much everything figured out for the elopement now - finally got confirmation for our reservation from the little chapel. Kaitlin's mom is driving to Vegas because she wants to be there, so she'll be a witness and we'll all go out for dinner afterward. Now it's just a matter of making a complete packing list so we don't forget any of the elements we're planning to wear! Kaitlin's also getting her hair and makeup done just beforehand, and I'm excited to see how it's going to turn out. The wedding will be Friday the 11th, so our "new" anniversary date is moving from 12/31 to 12/11. Shouldn't be too hard to remember. :P Oh, and we picked out our 4-year anniversary gifts for each other (year 4 is aquamarine) and got them ordered on a great Black Friday deal, so that's something fun to look forward to.

I have most Christmas presents purchased, just a few more things that I need to square away (and then wait for loads of packages to arrive so I can wrap them.) Christmas will be next on the to-do list once we get back from Vegas.

And of course, somewhere in there we have to make some progress on the nursery. I ordered a ceiling fan/light but have to do a craigslist post to find an electrician to install the power box in the ceiling. We have the general layout of the mural decided, and Kaitlin's started on the digital artwork, but there's still a lot to do before it will be ready to project on the wall, outline, and paint. And I'm currently stalking Craigslist for the perfect nursery furniture set. But for now, Kaitlin's sister is staying on the spare bed in the nursery, so we won't really be doing much physical work until after we get back from Vegas.

As far as work goes, things blew up, then simmered, then blew up, then simmered again. Right now we're in a simmering phase, and in fact I am more caught up than I have been in months, so that's something to be grateful for. I just have to stay on my toes, and keep my staff on their toes, going into the new year. Oh, and start making real plans for maternity leave coverage, which is a whole other monster. I still need to sit down with HR and go over the options, get the FMLA packet, and so on.

So right now, just taking everything one day at a time until we get through the chaos. Thankfully baby's been charging through it all like a champ - no bleeding or spotting or cramping or anything scary, and plenty of reassuring wiggles. As long as we have that, we can get through all the rest. :)

NINETEEN WEEKS

Well, the last couple weeks have been so chaotic I actually missed posting on our 18-week milestone. But we did manage to take an 18-week belly picture: 

In a nutshell, there has been chaos at work, in which not only are annual performance evaluations due for all of my staff (which are lengthy, difficult writing projects requiring a lot of time and attention) but I also made a mistake that ended up getting me in some disciplinary hot water and I was worried for a time for the safety of my job. There has also been chaos at home, in which Kaitlin's car has broken down and will require $2000+ to fix, which is money she just doesn't have; so we had to borrow a car temporarily from my family while we figured out options to fix or sell. Sounds like we're going to sell it, and borrow a car from a friend for a few months while we save very hard in order to buy her another one. Of course it had to happen just before winter, when she cannot take her motorcycle to work safely, and she's facing a gap in pay during schools' Christmas breaks. 

On top of all that, I caught a cold. Not a major one, the primary lingering symptom is congestion, but I was still feeling pretty low and tired and overwhelmed for a while.

I've been really, really stressed as a result, and eating regular meals ends up falling by the wayside when I'm stressed, so of course there was additional worry that I was harming baby in addition to everything else. But, as of last night baby is still wiggling like crazy. And my appetite is slowly returning. I indulged last month in a lot - and I mean a LOT - of eating out. Way more than I should have, mostly because it was so hard to think of anything that was appetizing to eat, and especially at work - by the time I would prepare food I was grossed out by it and didn't want to eat it, whereas if I went someplace and had food plopped in front of me I could usually eat at least half of it. Anyway, the amount I ended up spending on eating out was pretty shameful, so I'm glad that this month I'm able to eat more regular groceries. 

I still haven't gained much weight, and for coming up on halfway through the pregnancy, I'm not really showing much either. Going to enjoy it while I can, since it sounds like the second half of pregnancy is when the bump really starts getting impressive. :P

Sleeping has been a challenge too, though I think it's more stress- related than anything else. There are some pregnancy-related difficulties; lying on my back is less comfortable and my hips get sore after too much side-sleeping. And, of course, most nights I have to get up at least once to pee. 

Anyway, all of that aside, I'm really really grateful that at least with everything else that's not going right the baby and pregnancy seem to be doing pretty much fine. We'll have our next appointment on December 4th, around the 22-week mark, for the "big" anatomy scan.

In the meantime, the 19 week BabyCenter pic:

14WK4D - Belly Pic and Ultrasound Updates

So first off, here's our 14 week belly pic. LOOKIT GUYS, I REALLY HAVE A BUMP NOW!

I can still mostly keep the bump covered under baggy clothes at work - but dang. Huge difference between 12 and 14 weeks!

So we went on Saturday to have a gender ultrasound done, and it confirmed that yup! The Harmony test results are right on target. ^^ We also got to see baby wiggling around some more and showing off. We got a good long video and ultrasound pics, but I'm not allowed to share 'em yet - sigh.

So let's see. This week the morning sickness continues to wane, though I do have occasional waves of the sickies in the evening before bed. I'm still taking the Diclegis - I have about three days' worth left. I think when I run out I'll try going a day without it, and if it comes back I'll get a refill. One really unpleasant new symptom, though, is a chronic headache that I've had for about four days now. I've been fighting it with Tylenol - the first Tylenol I've taken since we got our BFP - but only this afternoon has it really mellowed out. Not sure what that was all about but seriously not fun. :/

Baby is also a picky eater, still really only wants me to drink iced tea, and has a penchant for tortilla chips and salsa. I've also felt a lot more heaviness/stretching/twinging in there this week, which I am guessing means our little peachbaby is having a growth spurt. :P

In other news, work continues to be insanely busy, so much so that I barely have time to think during the day and I come home really tired - I feel like going to bed a lot earlier these days. And my pretty sparkly butterfly earrings from AliExpress arrived, so I'm adding them to the stash of stuff-to-wear-on-our-elopement in December. Good thing I bought a maternity wedding dress, I'm thinking this bump will be impressive by then! Sewing project is on track, I still have three solid weekends of work to do, but so far so good. And other than that, the thing eating up my brain lately is nursery prep. Really really want to get started but have to get the sewing stuff wrapped up first! I also have a few sewing projects in mind for our little munchkin, now that we know gender, and I'm plotting a supercute coming home outfit for baby to come home from the hospital in. I might have to make both a newborn-size version and a 0-3 months size version, just to be sure I have at least one that fits! Apparently some babies are too big for newborn sizes right out of the gate. Kind of hoping this one will be little enough, at least for a couple weeks, 'cause I've already started a bit of a stash of newborn-size clothes. *shiftyeyes*

Also made a long checklist (after surfing the internet for recommended checklists) of stuff we need to acquire before baby gets here. Stroller, car seat, nursery furniture, breast pump, cloth diaper stash, etc. etc.  Hoping to get 95% of the items used, with the possible exception of the car seat, because after wandering through Babies R Us and having some eyepopping moments at how expensive these little things (that last what, three or four years, most of them? At most??) are, it just makes a lot more sense to go green and reuse things that somebody else no longer needs.

So that's about it for now... off to eat dinner. Hoping baby likes Hamburger Helper. :P

12WK3D - Bump pics & the weekend

Still don't have our 12-week ultrasound pics scanned in *pokes Kaitlin* but here's the updated bump pics. PLUMBABY! Pardon the sleepy eyes, wasn't feeling so great when we took the pics :P

It's kind of hard to tell if there's much growth going on yet, even though the belly sticker insists we've got a plum in there (and ultrasound said baby is now nearly 6 cm long!) In fact, at the doctor appointment I'd only gained one pound since our last visit. Not that I'm complaining, mind you!

So I had a pretty good day on Saturday, more energy than usual in the morning, and Kaitlin and I were able to get some errands and things done. The plan was to work on my sewing project on Sunday, but unfortunately that didn't happen - Sunday was another of those days when I could barely get out of bed. I didn't get up, in fact, until around 2 in the afternoon, and even then it was only to stumble downstairs to eat some cereal and lie like a lump on the couch. X.x

Unfortunately, this morning also started off low-energy AND with some nausea, in spite of the fact that I've been taking my Diclegis nightly. I really hope this doesn't mean that the meds aren't working anymore. I don't know if the nausea is just getting that much worse this week or what, but I'm expecting tonight will be pretty miserable if I'm already feeling gross this morning. Ugh.

Getting up to pee at least twice every night now, which wreaks a lot of havoc with my sleep patterns - this morning I got up around 3:30 AM and never did get to go all the way back to sleep. I'm nervous about what this is going to mean when we actually have our little one in the house, needing a feeding every two hours. I may literally not get to have all-the-way sleep for months and months, unless Kaitlin can trade off the breastfeeding with me like she's hoping - it would be a serious godsend to have a spare pair of boobs around, LOL - might actually allow me to get some real sleep every now and then. I guess we just have to wait and see.

Anyway, got an email back from the lovely lady at Denver Maternity Photography, who said we could do a photoshoot sometime in February. I absolutely fell in love with her style from all the gorgeous photos on her website and am really looking forward to working with her... hopefully she can make Kaitlin and I look as glamorous and pretty as the other clients she's worked with!

11WK6D - Ultrasound appointment

So tomorrow we will hit twelve weeks (yay, I really can't WAIT for this first trimester to be over) and we went in this morning for an ultrasound. Here's a super flattering picture of me watching baby dance all over the screen:

The bruises on my tummy are fading some, as we're only doing the shots every other night now - only one more week to go, and then NO MORE INJECTIONS!!!! So very excited for THAT. :P

Anyway, baby is doing great. Measuring 12WK3D - about 5.9cm - little overachiever! And he/she has two legs and two arms and an a-okay nuchal thickness (no Down's indicators that the tech could see.) Oh, and we saw at least one hand with a perfect little thumb and four fingers. Baby was wiggling and squirming so much that the ultrasound tech had a bit of a time trying to get good measurements, but we got a bunch of pics to take home that I'll post probably tomorrow, and a couple of videos of the wiggling. Behold:

They also drew blood for a cystic fibrosis and Harmony test. Apparently if we get both tests, insurance is more likely to cover them at no charge (??) So we opted for both, and I thanked the doctor for the anti-morning-sickness meds. In spite of how uncomfortable I've been the past few weeks, life with the meds is still decidedly better than without them. 

Sadly, it's looking like we are going to have to change doctors. :( My work's open enrollment for health  benefits is coming up next month, and I have to switch to a different network (one that's free for me, a spouse, AND a child) because my current network will be way too expensive to cover both Kaitlin and the baby. The new network, though, is completely exclusive - I cannot go to ANY doctor who is not in-network - and my OB-GYN is not in the network. So now I guess I have to find a new provider, and our next appointment will likely be with whoever that is, at 16 weeks. Sigh. 

I'm going to wait until after we get our Harmony test results back from this doctor, and I have to make sure to ask her to mail the results to me so that I can give them to the new doc... and then I'll have to start the process of calling around for a new OB. She said we should get the results in about a week, though, so I'm pretty excited about that... in a week, we'll know whether baby is a boy or girl (even if I'm not allowed to tell anybody).

Anyway, really happy to see that baby is doing well and scooting around happily in there... makes all the misery and exhaustion of the past few weeks worth it. One more week to go, and we'll be in the clear to tell friends & family about the coming addition to our little family!

Things are going to really start getting nutty in the next couple of months, with elopement preparations and baby preparations kicking into gear. Really hoping the morning sickness will go away soon so that I've got the energy to tackle it all :)

10WK3D - Bump Pic

Here's the bump pic we took over the weekend - yay!

I think my tummy looks a bit larger, though I still haven't had much weight gain.  Morning sickness still going strong... this weekend was tough, and I slept for 12-13 hours at a stretch, not waking up until almost noon both days. Thank god for weekends!! Saturday was spent doing a little sweeping and putting away some laundry. Sunday we got groceries and I did some more sewing on the SCA project. We also went to see Jurassic World, which was unfortunately not the relaxing experience we were hoping for... we went to a dine-in theater that's not-our-usual-theater, and didn't much care for their service or their food, and overall I think it turned out more of a stressful outing than a fun one. Sad. 

I've noticed that I seem to be a lot more anxious in the past week or so. No particular reason, I don't have that much more stress going on than usual, but I feel sort of on-edge and easily overwhelmed. It probably has something to do with being so tired and queasy, and when I think about all the things I need to accomplish in spite of how I feel, I worry I won't get it all done, or that I'll forget something important. Ironically, I also find that when I just buckle down and do the things in spite of not feeling well, I tend to be more distracted from the not-feeling-well and actually feel somewhat better as a result. Go figure. 

There was a bit of drama at work on Friday, too, that added somewhat to my anxiety -  a former staff person who I'd really liked and trusted was discovered to have misused one of our work accounts, and now there are procedures and processes to be reviewed and tightened. A more secure process is always a good thing, I just wish that people wouldn't be dishonest like that and do things they know darned well they aren't supposed to. (I know, I know, if wishes were horses...) 

Anyway, I don't feel at all ready for another work week. I need at least three more days of sleep. Sigh... But no such luck, so back at work I am. Here's hoping this week goes by a lot faster than the last one!

TEN WEEKS

We didn't get the chance to take our 10-week baby bump picture before work this morning because Kaitlin got called in for a very early workday, so we'll do that this afternoon when we both get home from work. According to the ticker and baby bump sticker, baby is the size of a prune or fig today. 

I haven't done a good job of blogging much this week, mostly because I've been feeling increasingly crappy. I'm waking up feeling more sick now, and gradually getting worse throughout the day, so most days are a struggle to keep focused at work so I can try to push the sick feeling to the back of my mind. I definitely have no energy and am already starting to experience "pregnancy brain" - making really stupid forgetful mistakes and generally having to work three times as hard to concentrate. Today was only a four-day work week, thanks to the holiday on Monday, and yet it felt like it would NEVER END. I'm really grateful that it's Friday and I can hopefully catch up on some rest over the weekend, though one way or another I have to fit in some sewing on the SCA project...

This persistent yuckiness is really keeping me from being able to focus on the more joyful parts of pregnancy, unfortunately. It's been almost four weeks of non-stop sickness, nearly 24 hours a day, and it's starting to feel like maybe I will never feel not-sick again. I know it's just temporary, but it sure does wear on a person. I am hoping so very much that it will go away after the first trimester. 

Had a dream last night that one of the managers at work "outed" my pregnancy to my staff, which was awkward. :P We still have to wait another two weeks for our next ultrasound, which is hard, since we've been spoiled by getting such frequent peeks in the early weeks. Usually I'm the one who's DYING for the next ultrasound date, but this time Kaitlin seems more anxious for it than even me, LOL. 

In the meantime, my clothes are definitely really tight, and I'm a lot more bloated than usual. I think I've gained maybe a pound or so, but no real significant change in weight... it's more like a change in body shape. I don't think it's going to be visible to anybody but me and Kaitlin at the moment, but I feel like my belly is a little firmer this week than last.

That's about it for the updates for now... just biding time, waiting to feel better. I'll post the belly pic later tonight, but in the meantime, here's  BabyCenter's projection of what baby looks like now. He/she really looks like a baby now (with a huge alien forehead, hehehe...)

NINE WEEKS

So nine weeks today, and I have the goodies from yesterday's ultrasound to share. <3 Here's our little gummi bear baby...

Dark banana shape is the gestational sac, baby's head is to the left, body to the right... can you see the little leg buds? So cute!

And here are a couple videos, one has the sound of the heartbeat and the other one we tried to capture how much baby was wiggling around. There was a LOT of wiggling, hee~*

As for symptoms, the nausea started in early today. It hasn't been awful, but still not fun. Is it strange, to feel a little comforted by feeling sick?  My brain now associates feeling sick with reassurance that baby must be doing okay. At least my energy levels have been good so far this morning, even with the ucky tummy, and I'm trying really hard to drink more water (which might be part of the reason I started feeling sick sooner.)

Another med reduction tomorrow. Week by week we're slowly weaning off all these pills, yay! I told Kaitlin last night that we should try the whole pendulum-swinging-over-the-belly-to-predict-gender thing tonight, LOL. I also kind of want to try that at-home Intelligender urine test, even though the reviews pretty much all say that it's just for fun and has a 50% chance of being right (imagine that, ha!) We're going to get to find out early anyway, but since this is going to be our only baby I kind of want to do it ALL, all the fun things that it's possible to do during a pregnancy, so that we don't miss out on anything.

But Kaitlin says I'm not allowed to even post the results of those tests on the blog. No test results at all, no matter how silly or just-for-fun, until the gender-reveal party. SIGH. She's already plotting how she wants to do a baby-announcement graphic for facebook, though. She's so cute, LOL...

So this weekend she's spending Saturday at an SCA event, and we have to get through some chores and things on Sunday and Monday. I also have to get a big chunk of sewing done on the SCA project. I'm opting out of the event this weekend because I'm still supposed to be resting, all through the first trimester. And honestly, hanging out in the hot sun feeling sick and queasy for an entire weekend, not to mention trying to lace myself into garb styles that are pretty much all tight and not comfy (I have yet to make myself a Viking ensemble) just doesn't sound like fun at all. So going to stay home and work on the project instead, and probably spend the sickest hours of the day hanging on the couch with my dog and some K-drama. :)

Just have to get through this Friday at work first... luckily the day's half over already! Last but not least, here's what BabyCenter says baby looks like today:

EIGHT WEEKS

We made it to eight weeks! And lo, our first baby-bump photo. Funny how the belly sticker says "blueberry" while the ticker says baby's a raspberry today... I am thinking we may see several of these sorts of contradictions as we go, but that's okay.

For being a blueberry/raspberry, baby sure is making my tummy stick out a lot. You can see pooching already in the picture. :P I don't think I've actually gained weight yet - maybe a half-pound or so, but my weight regularly fluctuates by about 4 pounds so it's hard to tell for sure. Sorry for the bad-quality pic, but the lighting in our house is not awesome at 6 AM and it's hard to get a good phone photo. Hopefully we'll get better at this as we go along. (A pretty new camera is on my wish list, but we have some debts to pay off before I can justify it. :P)

In terms of morning sickness, for me it's REALLY turning into a misnomer. I actually feel best in the mornings, with the least ickiness and the most energy I'll have all day. Round about 11AM - noon, I start feeling slower and uckier. Usually by the time I get home from work I'm full-on miserable, and bedtime is a welcome escape from the awful seasick feeling.

What's tough is that drinking liquids - doesn't seem to matter what kind - is the worst part. I don't struggle much with food, but liquids make me feel really seasick/carsick, even when I'm sitting still. So I'm trying to pace myself with water throughout the day, and instead of guzzling every 30 minutes or so like I usually do, taking 2-3 swallows every 10 minutes. It's pretty intrusive when I'm trying to concentrate on working, but the smaller amounts make me less queasy in the long run.

There was such terrible news on the NW forums yesterday - two of the hopeful mamas that recently got BFPs miscarried. I am so very sad for both of them, as they're such good and kind people and life is just so horribly unfair. Not that I would ever want to jinx this pregnancy, but I guess I feel a little guilty that so far my luck is holding out. Fertility really is such a fickle thing, with no apparent rhyme or reason to why some babies stick and so many others don't. I am grateful beyond words that we are doing well so far... and heartbroken beyond words for my friends who are facing such loss. :(

So, there's a lot of stuff we need to accomplish this weekend, namely some cleaning and yard maintenance and I have to get a solid start on the SCA project. I think I'm going to have to do most of the work in the morning, since I know when afternoon nausea hits I'll be pretty much useless.

Also, starting tomorrow it's the first level of reduction in the medication I've been taking - I go from 12mg of estrogen/day to 10, and from 800mg of progesterone/day to 600. Hoping that it goes well and doesn't cause any spotting or other scary stuff...

Anyway, here's what BabyCenter says our little shrimp looks like at 8 weeks - starting to look a little more humanoid now, yeah?

7WK4D - Ultrasound goodies

So I was finally able to get the video off my phone and Kaitlin scanned in the ultrasound printouts for me, and here they are!

So again the dark teardrop-shaped thing is the gestational sac, and the round bright white outline is the yolk sac. But look how much bigger baby is! Floating above the yolk now. The rounder area on the left is the head, and the pointier area to the right is the tail. See the little brighter white spot near the tail? That's a leg that's starting to form. And the whole middle segment, on the screen, is what was pulsing - it's where the heartbeat is. We were able to see little nubs around that area too, that will turn into arms and hands.

And here, friends, is the most fantastic souvenir of our ultrasound visit. Behold the darlingness of this tiny little heartbeat:

All the love. Love love love.

Nausea was maybe the worst yesterday that it's been so far. I had a really hard time at work, trying to focus when I felt so awful. Today's been better... only just starting to get some of the nausea now. Hoping it staves off until after work hours because I have so much to do and really need to be able to bring my A-game...

SEVEN WEEKS

So we hit seven weeks today! The blueberry milestone - so exciting to finally make it past the sweet-pea stage since we didn't get this far with our first.

I haven't blogged much in the last couple days, mostly because I've been feeling crappy (yay!!).  Wednesday was the worst so far, I think because I hadn't slept well for a couple of days, so it aggravated the nausea in a major way. My morning sickness, so far, appears to be of the feeling-moderately-sick-to-my-stomach-all-day-long type. It's worse if I don't eat often enough, OR if I eat too much, OR if I move around a lot, OR if I sit still too much.  X.x So I keep trying to find this golden balance of eating just the right amount, just often enough, and moving around just the right amount, but not too much. I've also noticed it's worse when I'm tired, and much, MUCH better when I've slept well the night before. 

No vomiting yet, though there have been several times when I've wished I could. :P

Still the usual sore boobs, and a lot of fatigue the past couple days - I've actually slept really well the last two nights in a row and still wake up feeling sleepy and wanting to go back to bed. Looking forward to the weekend so that I can get some more sleep, though I absolutely must start working on the SCA project or I'll never have it done in time for the November deadline. 

We go in for another ultrasound on Monday morning, and then we have an appointment with the OBGYN for an ultrasound at 8WK6D (so almost nine weeks). Not sure where we'll go from there, exactly, but I'm trying to make a list of questions for the OBGYN now, because I know I won't remember half of them once I'm on the spot. So far what I've come up with:

1. Can we qualify for a free-cell DNA test and/or any other types of genetic screening? (They test for a lot of different things, but also gender. Since we have so little info on either of the donors, I'm hoping our OB will order some so that my insurance will cover it...)

2. Can I keep taking Ambien on occasion for my insomnia? (I usually take 2.5 - 5mg, which is a quarter or a half of a pill, on nights when nothing else is working. The internet says doctors often prescribe it for pregnant women, but I'd like to just make sure.)

3. Can she recommend or connect us with a lactation consultant? Not just for me, but also for Kaitlin, as Kaitlin would really like to try and induce lactation so she can breastfeed too.

4. Is it safe for me to start doing some mild exercise, like walking? Is it safe to color my hair?

5. Can she recommend or connect us with prenatal classes?

6. What options do we have for our birth plan? Who do we call/what do we do when labor starts? (I am a total newbie at this, I know pretty much NOTHING!)

7. When should I call her office? (What symptoms, conditions, questions, etc. warrant a call?)

8.  How many checkups does she do, and when? How many ultrasounds? 

9. How can I best avoid/manage PPD, if it becomes necessary?

10. What is my risk for gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, etc? Can I get my flu shot with her office this winter?

11. Should I be working with a perinatologist? One of the awesome ladies on the NW forums suggested it, but I'm not sure how to go about finding one...

I'm sure I'll have more by the time we get there, but I think these cover the biggest ones. Kaitlin and I made a pact that we will find out the baby's gender together early, but we won't tell anybody until January-ish when we throw a baby shower. If we can find out the gender from one of the early tests, that would be awesome - if not, I think we're going to go to one of the little boutique-y 4D ultrasound places here in Denver around 16 weeks so we can get a fancy ultrasound AND an early peek at the goods. Actually, I think we're going to do the 4D ultrasound regardless because it sounds like so much fun. This is going to be my only pregnancy, so I kind of don't want to miss out on a single fun thing about it if I can. :)  

I also realize this is still kind of premature, since we're only 7 weeks in. But we ARE halfway through the first trimester at this point, so it's really hard to be cautious with my excitement.

So here's what babycenter says baby looks like at seven weeks: 

Still pretty shrimp-like, yeah? Looks like the yolk sac is shrinking down too.  Oh, and my poor tummy is really starting to reflect the abuse of night after night of heparin shots. :( Just take a look:

It's actually bruised enough that just wearing my jeans buttoned up today feels sore. O.o And sadly I think we have another six weeks to go of the darned things before we can stop doing them. I just keep gritting my teeth and reminding myself of that itty bitty little heartbeat, which needs these shots in order to keep growing strong. <3

Three more days until our next ultrasound. There hasn't been any bleeding or anything since the one on Monday, which is a huge relief, but somehow I still feel a little nervous. I guess part of me feels like this is too good to be true, and surely at some point someone's going to snatch it away from me again. Really looking forward to another glimpse in there, hoping we'll see baby getting bigger just like they're supposed to, with a heartbeat increasing just like it's supposed to, and we get to keep dreaming...