Okay, back at the hotel after the embryo transfer.
We did have another long wait in the waiting room, both before and after the transfer, but I guess I am better prepared for the wait times now since they didn't seem nearly so difficult as the first cycle (or maybe it's just that I'm not jet lagged anymore, LOL)
So, the doctor did stop to see us pre-transfer this time, unlike round #2. And, though we have 3 day embryos this round, he was really pretty excited... Said we had four and he was going to use them all. If that had happened on the first or even the second round I probably would have panicked. Instead, I only got bug eyed for a few minutes before thinking what the hell. It's just a sign that this is, indeed, our month. So we went upstairs, I changed onto the little plastic booties and cotton gown thing, and they were nice and let Kaitlin into the procedure room with me. Maybe it's just because she was there, I don't know, but it seems like it was a lot less uncomfortable than transfer #2. Also, the doctor asked for a special catheter for me, and then paused in the middle of the procedure ( leaning a little on one of my knees as he did) and explained that he had invented this particular catheter some 20 years ago, and when he went to Cornell in the U.S. he ran into a doctor who was very excited to show him this fancy catheter they were using for curved cervixes like mine, and he had to tell the guy he knew all about it seeing as how he was the one who'd come up with it to start with.
It was kind of awkward and calming at the same time, actually, that he paused mid-procedure to tell us all that... It did actually make me feel more relaxed, oddly, though it was a little strange to be having a conversation with a guy who had various bits of metal and plastic holding my nether regions open. :p but anyway, the whole thing took like three minutes and it was done. Got rolled back out to the gurney room for my hour of laying down, and talked for a little while with a lovely woman from London (I think she may have been of Indian descent, though she had the prettiest British accent). Finally finished with that, went downstairs, waited a while longer for what is basically the exit interview with the nurse and doctor. Only had to pay another 13 euro for medication, because I'd given her a count of all the meds I still had and she said it would be all I needed.
And then we took a taxi back to the hotel, and I am currently lying down for my bed rest after sending Kaitlin to go get food, as I am starving.
And that's that, folks. The TWW begins again! I feel peaceful about it, at least for now, as if it really is a done deal and this one is going to work. Our test date is August 1, but I'll probably start POAS-ing around 6DP3DT... So like, next Sunday. It's the equivalent of 9DPO, so highly unlikely anything will show up by then, but I like to start early so as to hopefully know as soon as is humanly possible.
We fly home tomorrow. I took Wednesday off, both to recover from jet lag and to go pick up my puppy from my mom... Will probably unpack and such too.
Four. Surely four will do the trick this time...
Showing posts with label embryo transfer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embryo transfer. Show all posts
Monday, July 20, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
IVF#3 CD 23 - D-day
Woke up at about 4:30 to pee and can't go back to sleep. Guess I'm too excited about the transfer today. It is, after all, the whole reason we're here... For the third time.... And I really want this to finally be the one. This is going to be the one.
Yesterday we walked to the mall near our hotel and scoped out the food options for today. Ate some of the best Italian food I've ever had in my life, and took the leftovers back for dinner. Spent a little time cooling off in the pool, showered, watched a movie, ate dinner and went to bed around 9. That could be why I'm up so early now, too.
Our transfer is at 9 am, so basically we're getting up & dressed, eating breakfast, and taking the assortment of trains and metro needed to get to my doctors office. Don't know how long it will take, but once it's done we'll be taking a taxi back, and then it's bed rest for me the rest of the day.
so in a few hours I will be pregnant, and I just have to hope I stay that way long enough to get to meet our little one(s) in person. 60% odds aren't bad. And something like 75% of women are successful after three tries. Begging the universe to let it be me this time...
More updates later.
Yesterday we walked to the mall near our hotel and scoped out the food options for today. Ate some of the best Italian food I've ever had in my life, and took the leftovers back for dinner. Spent a little time cooling off in the pool, showered, watched a movie, ate dinner and went to bed around 9. That could be why I'm up so early now, too.
Our transfer is at 9 am, so basically we're getting up & dressed, eating breakfast, and taking the assortment of trains and metro needed to get to my doctors office. Don't know how long it will take, but once it's done we'll be taking a taxi back, and then it's bed rest for me the rest of the day.
so in a few hours I will be pregnant, and I just have to hope I stay that way long enough to get to meet our little one(s) in person. 60% odds aren't bad. And something like 75% of women are successful after three tries. Begging the universe to let it be me this time...
More updates later.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
IVF#3 CD22 - One More Sleep
The three-day transfer thing has me a little weirded out. All of the internet's oh-so-helpful charts would insist that chances aren't as good with three day embryos. And when I went back and looked at my blog entries from my last trip, I am suspicious whether I actually had 5-day embryos last time. If they didn't do fertilization until the final lining ultrasound, the the embryos would have been three-day last time too. Some clinics on the internet swear by the three day, most swear by five. I am sure that my first transfer, the one where I got pregnant, was a five day, because they scanned me on a Monday and I had the transfer on a Friday. I also get the impression that my Greek doctor may not understand the relevance of the 3day vs 5 day transfer question, when I've asked him. Maybe for him they're interchangeable? Or maybe they really did do the fertilization a couple days before my scan last time? Maybe the last two really were five day, and they're switching it up this time to see if it helps? Maybe it REALLY DOESN'T MATTER???
I don't know.
Anyway, yesterday after breakfast we went downtown and I sat in a (hot) garden for a couple hours while Kaitlin went to the coin museum she really wanted to see. Then we had lunch, and I introduced her to the yogurt bebap thing that was so yummy last time- she loved it too. We walked around a little and then went back to the hotel for rest and to watch a movie. We were smart this time, and bought sandwiches and fruit to take back to the room with us for dinner so we wouldn't be starving OR have to spend a fortune at the hotel restaurant.
Today is a loafing day. Eating breakfast now, will probably watch movies and hang out by the pool most of the day. We do have to go out at some point to get food though, probably to the mall nearby. We haven't taken nearly as many pictures this time around either, I guess because with each repeated visit Athens starts feeling more like our own backyard, as if we've merely gone downtown for a few days. :P
Tomorrow is D-day, for better or worse, followed by even more hard-core loafing. I still just keep trying to repeat to myself that we're picking up our baby tomorrow. It has more of a "done-deal" feel to it, though uncertainty is hard to push down right now. Kaitlin keeps telling me to get off the internet. :P She's probably right. Nothing online is going to make my chances better or worse, other than making me nervous. LOL.
Well, anyway, one more sleep till our baby is in me... My biggest job right now is to take my meds, hydrate, relax, and show up to the doctor's office on time. I can do that, right? Not so hard. The rest is up to the doctor, the embryologist, and ultimately, the embryos themselves. Come on, little babies... You can doooo eeet!!
I don't know.
Anyway, yesterday after breakfast we went downtown and I sat in a (hot) garden for a couple hours while Kaitlin went to the coin museum she really wanted to see. Then we had lunch, and I introduced her to the yogurt bebap thing that was so yummy last time- she loved it too. We walked around a little and then went back to the hotel for rest and to watch a movie. We were smart this time, and bought sandwiches and fruit to take back to the room with us for dinner so we wouldn't be starving OR have to spend a fortune at the hotel restaurant.
Today is a loafing day. Eating breakfast now, will probably watch movies and hang out by the pool most of the day. We do have to go out at some point to get food though, probably to the mall nearby. We haven't taken nearly as many pictures this time around either, I guess because with each repeated visit Athens starts feeling more like our own backyard, as if we've merely gone downtown for a few days. :P
Tomorrow is D-day, for better or worse, followed by even more hard-core loafing. I still just keep trying to repeat to myself that we're picking up our baby tomorrow. It has more of a "done-deal" feel to it, though uncertainty is hard to push down right now. Kaitlin keeps telling me to get off the internet. :P She's probably right. Nothing online is going to make my chances better or worse, other than making me nervous. LOL.
Well, anyway, one more sleep till our baby is in me... My biggest job right now is to take my meds, hydrate, relax, and show up to the doctor's office on time. I can do that, right? Not so hard. The rest is up to the doctor, the embryologist, and ultimately, the embryos themselves. Come on, little babies... You can doooo eeet!!
Friday, July 17, 2015
IVF#3 CD 21 - Back in Athens
Jet lag is hitting pretty hard this time around, so I haven't had it in me to blog yet. But anyway, we wrapped things up at home, got my dog to my mom's, caught a ride with a friend to the airport, made it through transfers to Philly and Paris before hitting Athens, and then took the metro, suburban railway, and walking to our hotel. Long trip...
First thing we did after arriving was go for a swim in the hotel pool. I still have some water in my ear (annoying!) then yesterday we went to Embio for an ultrasound. doc says my lining is 10mm with the right striations, so they were going to do fertilization that day and the embryo transfer will be on Monday at 9 am. Means we're apparently having a 3 day transfer this time, where the others have been 5 day. Not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad one?? I guess, since the other two haven't worked, that it's maybe one of the few things we can do to change it up and try something different for success. The nurse reiterated there's a 60% chance of success. I think I'm just hoping, if we have to do a three day transfer, that we have three embryos again this time. I'm not going to say a word to the doc about limiting it to two, not this time. I just want a sticky BFP once and for all.
I was doing well with my optimism and positive thinking up to this point, but it's getting harder to hold on to as D-day approaches. Hard not to think about how much I need this one to work, or how long it will be before we'll have another shot at it if it doesn't. Also, the meds contribute a lot to moodiness and general discomfort... I've been nauseous for the past four or five days now, and the peeing every ten seconds has resumed, so it's harder to stay cheerful and confident when feeling crummy before there's even an embryo in there!
Still, I know lots of people get positive results on a three day transfer. There might even be a chance at having some embies to freeze. Maybe perhaps?? The doc didn't mention that so I'm not really counting on it, but I do know that we haven't had any the last two times so who knows.
Today Kaitlin wants to go downtown to see the ancient coin museum. Then I think we'll probably grab lunch and some take-back-to-the-hotel snacks in Monastiraki, since we're having to watch our budget very closely this round and so last night had to make our somewhat expensive pizza stretch into two meals... I woke up starving and hit the breakfast buffet as soon as it opened.
Anyway, because Monday is transfer day, and we fly home Tuesday, basically we're going to have the transfer, go back to the hotel for bed rest the rest of the day, and then I am putting Kaitlin in charge of getting us home (calling taxis, pulling luggage, getting us from one place to the next, administering shots.) I am going to do nothing whatsoever, because the point is to be as relaxed and rested as possible for the next few days. But, the three day transfer means I probably wouldn't get a positive HPT until the following weekend, at the earliest... So the TWW may be a couple days longer than it's been in the past.
Just have to keep telling myself that this one is going to work.
By the way, a Facebook meme I took today says that I am destined to have one child, a boy. I'd be delighted if it came true. Because as we all know, Facebook never lies. :P
First thing we did after arriving was go for a swim in the hotel pool. I still have some water in my ear (annoying!) then yesterday we went to Embio for an ultrasound. doc says my lining is 10mm with the right striations, so they were going to do fertilization that day and the embryo transfer will be on Monday at 9 am. Means we're apparently having a 3 day transfer this time, where the others have been 5 day. Not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad one?? I guess, since the other two haven't worked, that it's maybe one of the few things we can do to change it up and try something different for success. The nurse reiterated there's a 60% chance of success. I think I'm just hoping, if we have to do a three day transfer, that we have three embryos again this time. I'm not going to say a word to the doc about limiting it to two, not this time. I just want a sticky BFP once and for all.
I was doing well with my optimism and positive thinking up to this point, but it's getting harder to hold on to as D-day approaches. Hard not to think about how much I need this one to work, or how long it will be before we'll have another shot at it if it doesn't. Also, the meds contribute a lot to moodiness and general discomfort... I've been nauseous for the past four or five days now, and the peeing every ten seconds has resumed, so it's harder to stay cheerful and confident when feeling crummy before there's even an embryo in there!
Still, I know lots of people get positive results on a three day transfer. There might even be a chance at having some embies to freeze. Maybe perhaps?? The doc didn't mention that so I'm not really counting on it, but I do know that we haven't had any the last two times so who knows.
Today Kaitlin wants to go downtown to see the ancient coin museum. Then I think we'll probably grab lunch and some take-back-to-the-hotel snacks in Monastiraki, since we're having to watch our budget very closely this round and so last night had to make our somewhat expensive pizza stretch into two meals... I woke up starving and hit the breakfast buffet as soon as it opened.
Anyway, because Monday is transfer day, and we fly home Tuesday, basically we're going to have the transfer, go back to the hotel for bed rest the rest of the day, and then I am putting Kaitlin in charge of getting us home (calling taxis, pulling luggage, getting us from one place to the next, administering shots.) I am going to do nothing whatsoever, because the point is to be as relaxed and rested as possible for the next few days. But, the three day transfer means I probably wouldn't get a positive HPT until the following weekend, at the earliest... So the TWW may be a couple days longer than it's been in the past.
Just have to keep telling myself that this one is going to work.
By the way, a Facebook meme I took today says that I am destined to have one child, a boy. I'd be delighted if it came true. Because as we all know, Facebook never lies. :P
Monday, July 13, 2015
IVF#3 CD16 - Almost Ready To Leave
As I told Kaitlin this morning, just two more sleeps until we're on our way to pick up our baby. :P
Over the weekend we did some household chore type things - cleaned catboxes, did laundry, and spent an entire day cleaning half the kitchen. Also made a packing list, and packed everything that it's possible to pack early.
Today, I had to set up the USForEx funds transfer (done first thing in the morning), email my doctor's office for continued medication instructions (also done first thing), then go to the bank on my lunch break and wire the funds to USForEx (done) and go to the store for cat litter and toothpaste (also done.) Still on the list for this evening: I have to package up the little doll outfit that sold on Etsy, and make a little pack for my dog so that she'll have supplies during her stay at my mom's house.
I also, somewhere in there, need to order more copies of my latest book so I can send one to my mom and one to a contest winner; and, I need to order more pregnancy tests so that I can POAS to my heart's content when we get back from Greece.
This afternoon, Kaitlin has a dentist appointment to get the cap on one of her teeth fixed. Also, I got instructions from my doctor to begin taking 5 estrogen pills a day from today through Wednesday. Wednesday will also be our last Lupron injection; no injection on Thursday, instead we're increasing estrogen to 6 pills/day and adding 4 200mg Progesterone/day. Heparin starts after the transfer (ugh...)
Tomorrow, Kaitlin's going to get home from work, make us some sandwiches, and bring sandwiches, dog, and dog pack down to my work, where she'll pick me up. Then we have to drive together down to my mom's house, drop dog off, and drive home.
Wednesday morning we'll have to get up early, finish packing, get dressed, make sure the cats have clean boxes and plenty of water, and I think we have a friend taking us to the airport. Plane takes off at 11, and from then on it's just traveling, getting to the hotel, and getting to the doctor's office at 11 on Friday for an ultrasound.
This is going to be it, right? I feel like it will be.
In the meantime, this was on my Facebook feed today.
Over the weekend we did some household chore type things - cleaned catboxes, did laundry, and spent an entire day cleaning half the kitchen. Also made a packing list, and packed everything that it's possible to pack early.
Today, I had to set up the USForEx funds transfer (done first thing in the morning), email my doctor's office for continued medication instructions (also done first thing), then go to the bank on my lunch break and wire the funds to USForEx (done) and go to the store for cat litter and toothpaste (also done.) Still on the list for this evening: I have to package up the little doll outfit that sold on Etsy, and make a little pack for my dog so that she'll have supplies during her stay at my mom's house.
I also, somewhere in there, need to order more copies of my latest book so I can send one to my mom and one to a contest winner; and, I need to order more pregnancy tests so that I can POAS to my heart's content when we get back from Greece.
This afternoon, Kaitlin has a dentist appointment to get the cap on one of her teeth fixed. Also, I got instructions from my doctor to begin taking 5 estrogen pills a day from today through Wednesday. Wednesday will also be our last Lupron injection; no injection on Thursday, instead we're increasing estrogen to 6 pills/day and adding 4 200mg Progesterone/day. Heparin starts after the transfer (ugh...)
Tomorrow, Kaitlin's going to get home from work, make us some sandwiches, and bring sandwiches, dog, and dog pack down to my work, where she'll pick me up. Then we have to drive together down to my mom's house, drop dog off, and drive home.
Wednesday morning we'll have to get up early, finish packing, get dressed, make sure the cats have clean boxes and plenty of water, and I think we have a friend taking us to the airport. Plane takes off at 11, and from then on it's just traveling, getting to the hotel, and getting to the doctor's office at 11 on Friday for an ultrasound.
This is going to be it, right? I feel like it will be.
In the meantime, this was on my Facebook feed today.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
IVF#3 CD12 - We Have Travel Dates
Got an email back from Embio this morning, saying that they expect the embryo transfer will be sometime between the 17th and the 20th... so I bought our plane tickets. It takes two days to get to Greece, just one to get home, because of the time difference. We're leaving at about 11 AM on Wednesday the 15th, arriving at about 4:30 PM on Thursday the 16th, with a 3 hour layover in Paris. On the way home we'll head out at around 11 AM and be home by 9:30 PM on Tuesday the 21st. I've asked for the 22nd off of work too, so that there will be plenty of time to do bed rest before going back to work.
Since the hotel I wanted was sold out I found another one that does have a nice outdoor pool, and the reviews say that the food is good and the wifi signal is free and accessible from the rooms. That's pretty much all I really want - oh, and the beds don't look super hard, at least not in the pictures. I'm learning that those European hotels really seem to like rock-hard mattresses, ugh. So this time around we're staying at the Civitel Attik Rooms and Apartments. We're also flying on American Airlines/US Airways instead of Delta, which I'm kind of happy about. I haven't had the best experience with Delta, particularly during my last trip... so it's nice to see what a different airline has to offer. (And best of all, NO LAYOVER AT JFK. I'm really happy about that.)
So here we go, I guess... Now begins the whirlwind. I have four business days left to get a work coverage plan together and get all of my work caught up and arranged before I leave. I have one weekend to finish cleaning projects and pack. And somewhere in there, I have to get the 4500 Euro wired to Embio's Swiss bank. In the meantime, taking my estrogen and Lupron and waiting for further medication instructions.
Now back to work... so much to do, so little time!
Since the hotel I wanted was sold out I found another one that does have a nice outdoor pool, and the reviews say that the food is good and the wifi signal is free and accessible from the rooms. That's pretty much all I really want - oh, and the beds don't look super hard, at least not in the pictures. I'm learning that those European hotels really seem to like rock-hard mattresses, ugh. So this time around we're staying at the Civitel Attik Rooms and Apartments. We're also flying on American Airlines/US Airways instead of Delta, which I'm kind of happy about. I haven't had the best experience with Delta, particularly during my last trip... so it's nice to see what a different airline has to offer. (And best of all, NO LAYOVER AT JFK. I'm really happy about that.)
So here we go, I guess... Now begins the whirlwind. I have four business days left to get a work coverage plan together and get all of my work caught up and arranged before I leave. I have one weekend to finish cleaning projects and pack. And somewhere in there, I have to get the 4500 Euro wired to Embio's Swiss bank. In the meantime, taking my estrogen and Lupron and waiting for further medication instructions.
Now back to work... so much to do, so little time!
Sunday, April 26, 2015
IVF#2 3DP5DT Headed home today
It's a struggle, when traveling halfway across the world, to figure out the right timing of meds and even the right count of how far I am past transfer. I had my transfer at about noon on Friday the 24th, here. But that equates to about 3 AM on the 24th at home. Which means right now, it is about 6:45 AM on the 27th here, putting me at about 3 days past transfer (or at least, I will be at noon). But it's only 9:45 at night at home, on the 26th, making it two days past there. Ay yi yi.... Also, I have to figure out my meds schedule on the way back. I take progesterone four times a day, estrogen three times a day, and a heparin injection once a day. I think I'm actually going to have to do the injection on the plane. YUCK. And it may end up meaning I have to start doing injections in the mornings instead of at night like I prefer, and oh, I really don't want to wake up to that. X.x I wonder if it would hurt to do one extra injection, about 12 hours after the first, so that I can transition back to a night schedule?
Anyway, here's what's been going down since the transfer. I got up the next day, got the rest of the money I needed from the ATM, took a taxi to Embio and picked up my meds (holy crap there are a TON), and took a taxi back to the hotel. Crawled back into bed for several hours, but went on a walk later that afternoon (about five or six blocks) to check out this amazing little toy store we'd passed on the way in. The store had beautiful vinyl dolls about four feet tall, dressed in little girls' dress-up clothes - some of the most elaborate dress up clothes I've ever seen, and I would have been DROOLING over them when I was a child. Anyway, the dolls were for sale (about 400 Euro, LOL). They'd been pretty well-loved already, most had marks on their faces and such, but they were so pretty! I would have loved to have one, but I think Kaitlin would find a four foot tall plastic child a little creepy. Anyway, then I walked about halfway back to the hotel, but made myself stop and sit at a Starbucks (with a decaf macchiato) for about an hour to rest before going all the way back. Back into bed, back to Netflix and websurfing (and freaking myself out about the possibility of triplets, OMG). Took a little walk a few hours later to eat dinner at a TGIFridays that I'd passed on my earlier walk. Ate an entire plate of ribs, and had lemonade WITH ROSE SYRUP IN IT that was unbelievably amazing. Gave myself the heparin injection after, which was awful. The needles are so much bigger than the Lupron ones, and they don't slide easily in. I have to like, stab... and keep stabbing hard... until it gets in where it's supposed to be.
Anyway, I started feeling cramping at bedtime. And somehow I just had this feeling it was implantation. In fact, I had this certainty that it was boy/girl twins and I was pregnant for sure. :P
Then yesterday, I got up, had breakfast at the hotel buffet, got dressed all cute and did my makeup and everything, and went back to Monastiraki to blow the remainder of my Euro. Bought a bunch of really cute jewelry, some small gifts for Kaitlin, and then found this place that sells pre-decorated fake nails in the Asian style (with 3-d flowers and jewels and stuff attached to them) for 2 euro per set. Bought like six sets of them because they aren't in the States, and are so cute. I might have to get some different nail glue, though.... not sure I trust the nail glue that came with them. And I might have to save them until after I get through a first trimester safely. Also, there was this enormous flea market going on, with people lining the streets with booths full of their jewelry-making and art and woodcrafts and so on, and they didn't have this the last time we were here, so it was pretty fascinating. But, it was a LOT of walking, and I kept having to stop and rest for an hour or so in between, both because my feet hurt and because I was really tired. Finally had to throw in the towel and get back to the hotel. Had dinner at the hotel restaurant, though I did go out for just one more block of walking so I could pick up one last dessert at the amazing bakery around the corner (which I put into my mini fridge and forgot to eat last night, so I ate it first thing this morning. Chocolate dessert breakfast, mmmmm.) Was feeling a lot less certain I was pregnant by last night.
Did have to pee like three times in the middle of the night, though. Yay, hormones.
So, today is travel day again. I'm going to go have breakfast in a bit, finish up my packing (somehow I've managed to get all those meds into my suitcase, but it was NOT EASY) and get to the metro so I can get to the airport. In for a LOOOOONG day of plan flights (about sixteen hours' worth) and three hours or so at JFK in between. But I am looking forward to seeing my honey and my puppy and sleeping in my own bed with my own comfy pillow tonight.
Not looking forward to the rest of the TWW. When I get home I have to set up a blood test for my beta, on May 6th. In the meantime I'm supposed to return to work. But, I'm not going back until Wednesday at the earliest... I need at least one day at home to deal with jet lag. I might just take two. It's not like I don't have the leave time saved up.
I don't know what to think about this round. It's been kind of nice, having this impromptu exotic foreign vacation as a part of the IVF experience. I do wish Kaitlin could have come... it's a little lonely by myself... and yet my little introvert heart has been kind of thriving on the alone-time. I am vacillating between terror of triplets, apathy about the whole damn TTC circus, certainty that we'll get a flat out BFN, and hope that this is finally it. The hope seems the most fragile of all, this shiny veiled dream sequence playing out behind a curtain, that I'm not actually going to get to touch. And there are moments when my imagination does take me there, and I live in that fantasyland with my BFP and heartbeat on the ultrasound and a joint pregnancy alongside my sister-in-law and a healthy baby (or two) at the end... but I don't know if my heart dares to actually believe it. It keeps telling me the scenario is (as my parents used to describe Santa Claus and the tooth fairy) "fun-pretend". Not something that's actually ever going to be mine, but I can enjoy pretending for a while if I want to.
Sigh.
I keep reminding myself that two weeks isn't that long. I waited much longer for this opportunity to come around again after the miscarriage. I can make it two more weeks. Not even that, because the beta is actually set in 12 days post-transfer. I got my BFP on day 8 post transfer last time. And I know I'm not going to be able to resist testing around that time this round, although I dread how scary it will be if that second line doesn't show up on day 8, because I know what my brain's going to do with it.
Anyway, have to get up now and get dressed and moving. See ya'all when I'm stateside again...
Anyway, here's what's been going down since the transfer. I got up the next day, got the rest of the money I needed from the ATM, took a taxi to Embio and picked up my meds (holy crap there are a TON), and took a taxi back to the hotel. Crawled back into bed for several hours, but went on a walk later that afternoon (about five or six blocks) to check out this amazing little toy store we'd passed on the way in. The store had beautiful vinyl dolls about four feet tall, dressed in little girls' dress-up clothes - some of the most elaborate dress up clothes I've ever seen, and I would have been DROOLING over them when I was a child. Anyway, the dolls were for sale (about 400 Euro, LOL). They'd been pretty well-loved already, most had marks on their faces and such, but they were so pretty! I would have loved to have one, but I think Kaitlin would find a four foot tall plastic child a little creepy. Anyway, then I walked about halfway back to the hotel, but made myself stop and sit at a Starbucks (with a decaf macchiato) for about an hour to rest before going all the way back. Back into bed, back to Netflix and websurfing (and freaking myself out about the possibility of triplets, OMG). Took a little walk a few hours later to eat dinner at a TGIFridays that I'd passed on my earlier walk. Ate an entire plate of ribs, and had lemonade WITH ROSE SYRUP IN IT that was unbelievably amazing. Gave myself the heparin injection after, which was awful. The needles are so much bigger than the Lupron ones, and they don't slide easily in. I have to like, stab... and keep stabbing hard... until it gets in where it's supposed to be.
Anyway, I started feeling cramping at bedtime. And somehow I just had this feeling it was implantation. In fact, I had this certainty that it was boy/girl twins and I was pregnant for sure. :P
Then yesterday, I got up, had breakfast at the hotel buffet, got dressed all cute and did my makeup and everything, and went back to Monastiraki to blow the remainder of my Euro. Bought a bunch of really cute jewelry, some small gifts for Kaitlin, and then found this place that sells pre-decorated fake nails in the Asian style (with 3-d flowers and jewels and stuff attached to them) for 2 euro per set. Bought like six sets of them because they aren't in the States, and are so cute. I might have to get some different nail glue, though.... not sure I trust the nail glue that came with them. And I might have to save them until after I get through a first trimester safely. Also, there was this enormous flea market going on, with people lining the streets with booths full of their jewelry-making and art and woodcrafts and so on, and they didn't have this the last time we were here, so it was pretty fascinating. But, it was a LOT of walking, and I kept having to stop and rest for an hour or so in between, both because my feet hurt and because I was really tired. Finally had to throw in the towel and get back to the hotel. Had dinner at the hotel restaurant, though I did go out for just one more block of walking so I could pick up one last dessert at the amazing bakery around the corner (which I put into my mini fridge and forgot to eat last night, so I ate it first thing this morning. Chocolate dessert breakfast, mmmmm.) Was feeling a lot less certain I was pregnant by last night.
Did have to pee like three times in the middle of the night, though. Yay, hormones.
So, today is travel day again. I'm going to go have breakfast in a bit, finish up my packing (somehow I've managed to get all those meds into my suitcase, but it was NOT EASY) and get to the metro so I can get to the airport. In for a LOOOOONG day of plan flights (about sixteen hours' worth) and three hours or so at JFK in between. But I am looking forward to seeing my honey and my puppy and sleeping in my own bed with my own comfy pillow tonight.
Not looking forward to the rest of the TWW. When I get home I have to set up a blood test for my beta, on May 6th. In the meantime I'm supposed to return to work. But, I'm not going back until Wednesday at the earliest... I need at least one day at home to deal with jet lag. I might just take two. It's not like I don't have the leave time saved up.
I don't know what to think about this round. It's been kind of nice, having this impromptu exotic foreign vacation as a part of the IVF experience. I do wish Kaitlin could have come... it's a little lonely by myself... and yet my little introvert heart has been kind of thriving on the alone-time. I am vacillating between terror of triplets, apathy about the whole damn TTC circus, certainty that we'll get a flat out BFN, and hope that this is finally it. The hope seems the most fragile of all, this shiny veiled dream sequence playing out behind a curtain, that I'm not actually going to get to touch. And there are moments when my imagination does take me there, and I live in that fantasyland with my BFP and heartbeat on the ultrasound and a joint pregnancy alongside my sister-in-law and a healthy baby (or two) at the end... but I don't know if my heart dares to actually believe it. It keeps telling me the scenario is (as my parents used to describe Santa Claus and the tooth fairy) "fun-pretend". Not something that's actually ever going to be mine, but I can enjoy pretending for a while if I want to.
Sigh.
I keep reminding myself that two weeks isn't that long. I waited much longer for this opportunity to come around again after the miscarriage. I can make it two more weeks. Not even that, because the beta is actually set in 12 days post-transfer. I got my BFP on day 8 post transfer last time. And I know I'm not going to be able to resist testing around that time this round, although I dread how scary it will be if that second line doesn't show up on day 8, because I know what my brain's going to do with it.
Anyway, have to get up now and get dressed and moving. See ya'all when I'm stateside again...
Friday, April 24, 2015
IVF#2 CD29 D-Day
I have more pics to add to my prior post, but blogger isn't cooperating at the moment so I may have to wait until I get home. (EDIT: fixed! mostly food pictures, because I turn into a total foodie while I'm here...)
Anyway, I spent yesterday mostly sleeping. Got up around 7 first, skyped with Kaitlin for a while and ate breakfast, and started feeling really dizzy and sleepy. I guess the progesterone? Went back upstairs and fell asleep until almost 11AM. Got up again, too the metro back to Monastiraki and did some more shopping. Spent more than I should on a few cute new pieces of clothing - pink flowy skirt, cute black hi-low shirt that says "You fill me MUCH BE@UTY" (oh, how I love Engrish!), a white and navy striped top with this dramatic sheer train-like back that says "Can you feel my heart?" and this absolutely gorgeous short black wool double-breasted coat that was on sale since it's now spring. Hearts. This particular shop had so many clothes I wanted - the cutest retro dresses, and these slash-front punk-looking tights, and lace and crochet and OMGOMG. I wanted the whole store, so when you think about it, I did very well limiting myself to just a few pieces, yes?? :)
Only got approached once by one of the African scammer guys. I'd almost forgotten about them, but they're all over the square. Basically they approach women, especially foreigners, and start out with a loud, cheerful greeting and a lot of friendly flirting. They reach for your hand, and once they've got it, they tie an ugly friendship bracelet thing on, shower you with more compliments, offer prayers for you and your future boyfriend, and then ask for money in exchange for their blessing. Last time we were here we got caught by them once unawares and ended up giving them a couple of euros... When they tried it every single night afterward, it got old really fast. One of them got my wrist one night and would not let go, and Kaitlin actually had to shout at him to get him to back off. Anyway, one of them came up to me yesterday too, but I told him no very loudly and turned and walked away before he managed to get more than a couple of words in. I sat at a cafe for lunch/dinner and watched a group of them pulling their schtick on a few of the other diners nearby. Thankfully they left me alone this time. Ugh.
Anyway, after eating I came back to the hotel with the intention of resting a little, maybe showering and going out to get a dessert before bed, but no... I was so tired I pretty much passed out. Woke up for about an hour or so around 10:30PM, then went back to sleep.
And today... Well, I didn't sleep very well last night, mostly due to excitement. Woke up before my alarm, took a shower and skyped with Kaitlin for a little while. Went down to breakfast, then out to find an ATM. Unfortunately my bank limits how much I can withdraw per day - I need 408 Euros for my meds, but could only get 200. Sigh. Took the metro to Embio, got there early and hung out for a while in the waiting room.
The wait times were a LOT shorter this time. There was no pre-meeting with the doctor like last time. They took me upstairs, had me change into the little robe, and took me straight into the procedure room - no waiting. But then everything happened so fast... The doctor came in, said we had three embryos (two good, one average) and he was putting all three in. I asked him if we could limit it to two and he pretty much blew me off, said we'd probably only get one out of the three and this increased our chances. I think all three were already in the catheter and they couldn't have taken just one out at that point. So here I am sort of stunned that we're ending up with three, after all the times Kaitlin and I had debated and decided on only two. But, he's already prying me open and damn it is uncomfortable and I'm trying to stay relaxed and not think about it. There was less pressure and pinching than I remember, though, and it seems like it went a lot faster. He suddenly pronounced we were done, did a few more really uncomfortable things and removed the speculum. They wheeled me back into the waiting room, and this time they came to get me after about 30-45 minutes instead of letting me sit for over two hours. Also, no bitter Italian lady next to me, which was a plus. :P
I still haven't seen the egg donor's profile, and I think I am going to have to come back tomorrow in order to pick up my medicine. So now I am sitting back downstairs again, waiting (I assume) to meet with the nurse and maybe the doctor again before I go. I need to ask the nurse what time I can come back tomorrow, and also if she can email me the donor's profile. I also need instructions on what meds to take... I think I will have to start giving myself heparin shots now. *shudder* I'm hoping I'll get one meeting with the doctor before I go, so that I can ask him how many days along the embryos are. I'm guessing five, like last time, but it would be nice to know. I also need to know if it's ok for me to walk back to the metro, or if I need to take a taxi. If I need to take a taxi I need one of them to call one for me, because I don't have a working phone here.
So, I'll be hanging out pretty much exclusively at the hotel for the rest of my time here. Once I finish whatever we're doing next I'm going to go get some food... Hungry again! Another update in a little bit...
EDIT:
So, I met with the nurse and doctor. 5-day embryos, like last time. They upped my dose of estrogen, added the heparin, and I'm going back at 10AM tomorrow to pick up the meds. They didn't want me walking to the metro station, so I managed to flag down a taxi and was pleasantly impressed that because I'd chosen a better hotel location this time the taxi fare was under 6 Euros. At the last hotel it was close to 20! Got back to the room, dropped my things off, went and had a sandwich and fries at the hotel restaurant. Came back to the room with the intention of watching some Netflix and instead fell asleep for four hours. O.o I don't remember being this tired during my last IVF, but maybe it's because of jet lag and the fact that I'm traveling alone without any planned activities, so everything in general feels really relaxed?
Anyway, got up and walked just around the corner from the hotel to get a salad for dinner and another of those amazing desserts. Came back and gave myself the heparin shot, which was NOT fun... the needle is a lot harder to insert than the Lupron needles were, and it definitely hurt more. I have to do this like two or three more times before I get to have Kaitlin start doing it, too. Yuck. Now I'm hanging out in bed again, surfing the internet. I'll probably stay up for a bit tonight since I took such a long nap.
Oddly, I'm feeling kind of emotionally numb. I think maybe my brain doesn't want to really get excited until we know whether this is going to stick. It taunts me with the possibility of a flat out BFN, as if I was never even here. The odds actually are that I WILL get pregnant, but I think my heart is so tired of the roller coaster of TTC that it's hard to actually believe it's going to work.
Luckily, I don't think my personal beliefs have one whit of influence on whether I get pregnant or not. :) So, fingers crossed, everybody. Please please please universe, be kind to us at last, and let us take home a baby from this one.
Bring on the 2WW!
Anyway, I spent yesterday mostly sleeping. Got up around 7 first, skyped with Kaitlin for a while and ate breakfast, and started feeling really dizzy and sleepy. I guess the progesterone? Went back upstairs and fell asleep until almost 11AM. Got up again, too the metro back to Monastiraki and did some more shopping. Spent more than I should on a few cute new pieces of clothing - pink flowy skirt, cute black hi-low shirt that says "You fill me MUCH BE@UTY" (oh, how I love Engrish!), a white and navy striped top with this dramatic sheer train-like back that says "Can you feel my heart?" and this absolutely gorgeous short black wool double-breasted coat that was on sale since it's now spring. Hearts. This particular shop had so many clothes I wanted - the cutest retro dresses, and these slash-front punk-looking tights, and lace and crochet and OMGOMG. I wanted the whole store, so when you think about it, I did very well limiting myself to just a few pieces, yes?? :)
Only got approached once by one of the African scammer guys. I'd almost forgotten about them, but they're all over the square. Basically they approach women, especially foreigners, and start out with a loud, cheerful greeting and a lot of friendly flirting. They reach for your hand, and once they've got it, they tie an ugly friendship bracelet thing on, shower you with more compliments, offer prayers for you and your future boyfriend, and then ask for money in exchange for their blessing. Last time we were here we got caught by them once unawares and ended up giving them a couple of euros... When they tried it every single night afterward, it got old really fast. One of them got my wrist one night and would not let go, and Kaitlin actually had to shout at him to get him to back off. Anyway, one of them came up to me yesterday too, but I told him no very loudly and turned and walked away before he managed to get more than a couple of words in. I sat at a cafe for lunch/dinner and watched a group of them pulling their schtick on a few of the other diners nearby. Thankfully they left me alone this time. Ugh.
Anyway, after eating I came back to the hotel with the intention of resting a little, maybe showering and going out to get a dessert before bed, but no... I was so tired I pretty much passed out. Woke up for about an hour or so around 10:30PM, then went back to sleep.
And today... Well, I didn't sleep very well last night, mostly due to excitement. Woke up before my alarm, took a shower and skyped with Kaitlin for a little while. Went down to breakfast, then out to find an ATM. Unfortunately my bank limits how much I can withdraw per day - I need 408 Euros for my meds, but could only get 200. Sigh. Took the metro to Embio, got there early and hung out for a while in the waiting room.
The wait times were a LOT shorter this time. There was no pre-meeting with the doctor like last time. They took me upstairs, had me change into the little robe, and took me straight into the procedure room - no waiting. But then everything happened so fast... The doctor came in, said we had three embryos (two good, one average) and he was putting all three in. I asked him if we could limit it to two and he pretty much blew me off, said we'd probably only get one out of the three and this increased our chances. I think all three were already in the catheter and they couldn't have taken just one out at that point. So here I am sort of stunned that we're ending up with three, after all the times Kaitlin and I had debated and decided on only two. But, he's already prying me open and damn it is uncomfortable and I'm trying to stay relaxed and not think about it. There was less pressure and pinching than I remember, though, and it seems like it went a lot faster. He suddenly pronounced we were done, did a few more really uncomfortable things and removed the speculum. They wheeled me back into the waiting room, and this time they came to get me after about 30-45 minutes instead of letting me sit for over two hours. Also, no bitter Italian lady next to me, which was a plus. :P
I still haven't seen the egg donor's profile, and I think I am going to have to come back tomorrow in order to pick up my medicine. So now I am sitting back downstairs again, waiting (I assume) to meet with the nurse and maybe the doctor again before I go. I need to ask the nurse what time I can come back tomorrow, and also if she can email me the donor's profile. I also need instructions on what meds to take... I think I will have to start giving myself heparin shots now. *shudder* I'm hoping I'll get one meeting with the doctor before I go, so that I can ask him how many days along the embryos are. I'm guessing five, like last time, but it would be nice to know. I also need to know if it's ok for me to walk back to the metro, or if I need to take a taxi. If I need to take a taxi I need one of them to call one for me, because I don't have a working phone here.
So, I'll be hanging out pretty much exclusively at the hotel for the rest of my time here. Once I finish whatever we're doing next I'm going to go get some food... Hungry again! Another update in a little bit...
EDIT:
So, I met with the nurse and doctor. 5-day embryos, like last time. They upped my dose of estrogen, added the heparin, and I'm going back at 10AM tomorrow to pick up the meds. They didn't want me walking to the metro station, so I managed to flag down a taxi and was pleasantly impressed that because I'd chosen a better hotel location this time the taxi fare was under 6 Euros. At the last hotel it was close to 20! Got back to the room, dropped my things off, went and had a sandwich and fries at the hotel restaurant. Came back to the room with the intention of watching some Netflix and instead fell asleep for four hours. O.o I don't remember being this tired during my last IVF, but maybe it's because of jet lag and the fact that I'm traveling alone without any planned activities, so everything in general feels really relaxed?
Anyway, got up and walked just around the corner from the hotel to get a salad for dinner and another of those amazing desserts. Came back and gave myself the heparin shot, which was NOT fun... the needle is a lot harder to insert than the Lupron needles were, and it definitely hurt more. I have to do this like two or three more times before I get to have Kaitlin start doing it, too. Yuck. Now I'm hanging out in bed again, surfing the internet. I'll probably stay up for a bit tonight since I took such a long nap.
Oddly, I'm feeling kind of emotionally numb. I think maybe my brain doesn't want to really get excited until we know whether this is going to stick. It taunts me with the possibility of a flat out BFN, as if I was never even here. The odds actually are that I WILL get pregnant, but I think my heart is so tired of the roller coaster of TTC that it's hard to actually believe it's going to work.
Luckily, I don't think my personal beliefs have one whit of influence on whether I get pregnant or not. :) So, fingers crossed, everybody. Please please please universe, be kind to us at last, and let us take home a baby from this one.
Bring on the 2WW!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
IVF #1 4DP5DT - Last Night in Athens
So tonight is our last in Athens, and we're headed home (at 3:30 in the morning ^^;) tomorrow.
The days since our transfer have flown by, as they were packed with tours of all kinds of places. We got a ton of photographs, bought way too many souvenirs, and generally had a great time. I spent most of the long bus rides having serious conversations with our embryos, promising them a great life full of amazing travel adventures if they'll just stick around long enough to join us.
I have no idea if it's worked. We have another week to go before we'll know. There are moments when I am confident, and feel certain that our chances are great; and moments when I'm equally certain that nothing's going to change, that this time will be no different than all the others this year, except we'll be $15,000 deeper in debt.
The clinic confirmed we didn't have embryos to freeze. So this is it, our last shot. If it doesn't work we might be able to save up again... in a year or so... if we wanted to try again. But for right now I'm trying to just focus on the possibility-- the PROBABILITY--that we won't need to do it again. We're even talking over second names if we ended up with boy-boy or girl-girl twins. And I'm actually sort of getting used to the idea, a little, of having twins... but there's nothing to do but wait and see.
This next week may be one of the toughest TWW ever.
But, here are a few of my favorite photos from our trip. You can find the full set on our Greece Flickr album.
The days since our transfer have flown by, as they were packed with tours of all kinds of places. We got a ton of photographs, bought way too many souvenirs, and generally had a great time. I spent most of the long bus rides having serious conversations with our embryos, promising them a great life full of amazing travel adventures if they'll just stick around long enough to join us.
I have no idea if it's worked. We have another week to go before we'll know. There are moments when I am confident, and feel certain that our chances are great; and moments when I'm equally certain that nothing's going to change, that this time will be no different than all the others this year, except we'll be $15,000 deeper in debt.
The clinic confirmed we didn't have embryos to freeze. So this is it, our last shot. If it doesn't work we might be able to save up again... in a year or so... if we wanted to try again. But for right now I'm trying to just focus on the possibility-- the PROBABILITY--that we won't need to do it again. We're even talking over second names if we ended up with boy-boy or girl-girl twins. And I'm actually sort of getting used to the idea, a little, of having twins... but there's nothing to do but wait and see.
This next week may be one of the toughest TWW ever.
But, here are a few of my favorite photos from our trip. You can find the full set on our Greece Flickr album.
Friday, December 12, 2014
IVF#1 CD19 D-Day
Sitting in the Embio clinic lobby right now, waiting for our embryo transfer. Like the first day we were here, seems like they're running behind again. It's been an hour of waiting.
Was so excited last night I couldn't sleep much. Kept having dreams that they were going to tell us we couldn't. Do the transfer now after all, and would have to come back in a month. Ugh.
So how may embryos will we have? Will they be good ones? Will we do one or two?
A big decision that has to be made very soon...
Edit #1: so we finally got called in to meet with the doctor about an hour and a half after our appointment time. We have four embryos, and he says three are very good quality. He wants to put in all three. OMG. So I told him no more than two. He said he'd check on the embryos again, and now we're sitting waiting to go "upstairs". I am guessing that's where their procedure room is.
We may end up with two after all. I am a hundred times more nervous now. He seemed pretty confident that if he put three back "probably it will be only one or two, eh?" NO. No no no to that. Twins is scary. Triplets is just.... Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!
Now we are playing the waiting game again.
Edit #2: we are back at the hotel, and it's done. So here's how it went down:
They called us upstairs where Kaitlin had to wait in a small waiting room while the nurse took me back to "prepare," as she put it. She led me past a room full of women lying on gurneys, which was a little bit of a shock to my system to see about eight people lying side by side on wheeled hospital beds... Up to now when I've been in a US hospital people are usually spaced farther apart, often with curtains between, and this felt a little like some kind of assembly line. Anyway, she took me into a closet-sized room where I had to undress and put on a robe thing. I also went to the bathroom, which turned out to be a very good decision, as I'll explain in a sec...
Anyway, I came out of the room and was led to a stool in the middle of all the ladies on gurneys. And for about ten or fifteen minutes I just sat there, watching the nurses bustle around and a couple doctors come in and out of the nearby operating rooms and a couple of patients get wheeled in and out of those rooms... And then Dr. Thanos showed up and directed me into the room on the right, where they let Kaitlin come in (though she got the feeling they really didn't want her there.) The doctor was putting the speculum in while waving a catheter at me that he said had our embryos in it. I asked how many and he said two. Then he pried me open and started doing all kinds of things that were pretty uncomfortable... Apparently my cervix is small and he had to do something to open it more. Kaitlin said it looked like he was prying it open with tweezers. That was twingey and a little painful, though not too bad. Then he ran the catheter in, which also pinched, and he and the nurse pushed down hard above my pelvis with the ultrasound sensor. Finally they were done, and they put me on a gurney and wheeled me back into that room with all the other women. They slid me into a spot on the end, next to the wall.
Kaitlin snapped this just before the transfer procedure... I was so nervous, in case the clenched fists aren't a giveaway... O.o
And here's where I started to get annoyed. Up to this point I had been patient with the three and four hour long office wait times. I had been patient with the slightly awkward, clipped communication from the doctor, and his abrupt and uncomfortable stuff-the-wand/speculum/whatever-up-in-there technique. I had been patient with the fact that while their website advertises a price of 4800 Euro I was charged 5500, and while the site quotes success at 70% the coordinator said pretty clearly that it was 60%. I had not complained when apparently they selected an egg donor for me without giving me choices, even though their site says patients can "choose from their list of 120 immediately available egg donors." And though I had expected more information and more options when it came to the choice of how many embryos to put in, as long as it was less than three I could even live with that. But after they wheeled me out, they said I would need to lie there for 30 minutes before I could get up. Totally cool.
Except I lay there for two hours. And, they had wheeled me next to an older Italian lady (I think she was 51?) who had just had her own embryo transfer done, and who spent the next two hours telling me that she thought the clinic was pretty useless, that she didn't get pregnant her first try and was having to try again, that she met a Moroccan patient in the lobby who was on her tenth try with no success, and that like me, she'd had a lot of hope on her first try but now she didn't believe it really worked for most people. She said the clinic had made her sign a paper acknowledging that their success rate was really only 20%.
Of course, having just come out of my own procedure, having spent a year of my life and probably over $25,000 on this crazy project, this bitter Negative Nancy was the last thing I wanted or needed. I tried to keep her naysaying out of my head, but I will admit that by the time the nurses finally remembered we were still there and let us get up and leave, I was pretty spooked. I still am. The doctor seemed so sure that the chances of triplets or even twins were low. But if his 60% success rate is true, the chances of twins are pretty much 50/50 if I do get pregnant. So either he was downplaying the risk, or the Italian lady was right about them misrepresenting their success rates. I even found myself imagining for a moment that they hadn't actually made me any embryos at all, maybe they just went through the motions of putting them in so they could swindle me out of my money. O.o paranoid much? But, the nurse at the transfer did ask me to confirm my name at least four times to be sure she had the right tube in her hand. And, after he had the catheter and speculum out Dr. Thanos did turn the ultrasound machine and point out on the screen the white area that held the embryos. So I just have to have faith, right?
Anyway, when they finally let me leave and come downstairs, I was feeling pretty down, and frustrated, and hungry.... It was almost 3 PM and I hadn't been able to eat since breakfast. We didn't have to wait too long, thankfully, for the rest. One of the nurses took us in to talk about the meds I'd have to take. Staying on the high doses of estrogen and progesterone, and adding daily injections of heparin. All of which cost 145 euro, or around $180. Then Dr. Thanos came in, only for a few seconds. He did confirm that the embryos he transferred were at the 5-day stage. But, he said he didn't think the remaining two would be good for freezing. He said they'd email me tomorrow if they were, but if I didn't get an email that meant they weren't. He didn't sound optimistic at all, or even really like he cared, but I'm pretty disappointed. If there's nothing to freeze, we won't be able to afford to try again. This is our last shot, and if it doesn't work, it's over.
Which doesn't help my stress level.
But anyway, for better or worse, it's done. There's nothing left to do but wait. Our test date is Christmas Eve, and we'll either be having the best Christmas ever or the most heartbroken one.
All in all, it was not a terrible experience, but certainly not as good as I had expected. I had no idea the wait times would be so long, the office would be so crowded, the doctor would be so rough and brusque, or that the enticing prices and choices promised by the website would not be all that they seemed. This is definitely not the place to go if you want close control over your procedure and embryos. But if I get pregnant, it won't matter. Though if I am pregnant with twins I do think I'll be kind of irritated with the clinic for not engaging more seriously in a discussion about using one or two embryos.
And, if it doesn't work, at least we did get a pretty nice vacation out of the deal.
We took a taxi back to the hotel and I've spent the rest of the day in bed. It's cold and rainy anyway, so at least it doesn't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Kaitlin went and got us food from a nearby restaurant, and we're just hanging out on our iPads until bedtime. I'm going to try and sleep around 8, since we have an early morning pickup for a day cruise tomorrow.
What a day. I don't think I've ever gone to such extremes for anything before. Praying to every power in the universe that this works.
Was so excited last night I couldn't sleep much. Kept having dreams that they were going to tell us we couldn't. Do the transfer now after all, and would have to come back in a month. Ugh.
So how may embryos will we have? Will they be good ones? Will we do one or two?
A big decision that has to be made very soon...
Edit #1: so we finally got called in to meet with the doctor about an hour and a half after our appointment time. We have four embryos, and he says three are very good quality. He wants to put in all three. OMG. So I told him no more than two. He said he'd check on the embryos again, and now we're sitting waiting to go "upstairs". I am guessing that's where their procedure room is.
We may end up with two after all. I am a hundred times more nervous now. He seemed pretty confident that if he put three back "probably it will be only one or two, eh?" NO. No no no to that. Twins is scary. Triplets is just.... Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!
Now we are playing the waiting game again.
Edit #2: we are back at the hotel, and it's done. So here's how it went down:
They called us upstairs where Kaitlin had to wait in a small waiting room while the nurse took me back to "prepare," as she put it. She led me past a room full of women lying on gurneys, which was a little bit of a shock to my system to see about eight people lying side by side on wheeled hospital beds... Up to now when I've been in a US hospital people are usually spaced farther apart, often with curtains between, and this felt a little like some kind of assembly line. Anyway, she took me into a closet-sized room where I had to undress and put on a robe thing. I also went to the bathroom, which turned out to be a very good decision, as I'll explain in a sec...
Anyway, I came out of the room and was led to a stool in the middle of all the ladies on gurneys. And for about ten or fifteen minutes I just sat there, watching the nurses bustle around and a couple doctors come in and out of the nearby operating rooms and a couple of patients get wheeled in and out of those rooms... And then Dr. Thanos showed up and directed me into the room on the right, where they let Kaitlin come in (though she got the feeling they really didn't want her there.) The doctor was putting the speculum in while waving a catheter at me that he said had our embryos in it. I asked how many and he said two. Then he pried me open and started doing all kinds of things that were pretty uncomfortable... Apparently my cervix is small and he had to do something to open it more. Kaitlin said it looked like he was prying it open with tweezers. That was twingey and a little painful, though not too bad. Then he ran the catheter in, which also pinched, and he and the nurse pushed down hard above my pelvis with the ultrasound sensor. Finally they were done, and they put me on a gurney and wheeled me back into that room with all the other women. They slid me into a spot on the end, next to the wall.
Kaitlin snapped this just before the transfer procedure... I was so nervous, in case the clenched fists aren't a giveaway... O.o
And here's where I started to get annoyed. Up to this point I had been patient with the three and four hour long office wait times. I had been patient with the slightly awkward, clipped communication from the doctor, and his abrupt and uncomfortable stuff-the-wand/speculum/whatever-up-in-there technique. I had been patient with the fact that while their website advertises a price of 4800 Euro I was charged 5500, and while the site quotes success at 70% the coordinator said pretty clearly that it was 60%. I had not complained when apparently they selected an egg donor for me without giving me choices, even though their site says patients can "choose from their list of 120 immediately available egg donors." And though I had expected more information and more options when it came to the choice of how many embryos to put in, as long as it was less than three I could even live with that. But after they wheeled me out, they said I would need to lie there for 30 minutes before I could get up. Totally cool.
Except I lay there for two hours. And, they had wheeled me next to an older Italian lady (I think she was 51?) who had just had her own embryo transfer done, and who spent the next two hours telling me that she thought the clinic was pretty useless, that she didn't get pregnant her first try and was having to try again, that she met a Moroccan patient in the lobby who was on her tenth try with no success, and that like me, she'd had a lot of hope on her first try but now she didn't believe it really worked for most people. She said the clinic had made her sign a paper acknowledging that their success rate was really only 20%.
Of course, having just come out of my own procedure, having spent a year of my life and probably over $25,000 on this crazy project, this bitter Negative Nancy was the last thing I wanted or needed. I tried to keep her naysaying out of my head, but I will admit that by the time the nurses finally remembered we were still there and let us get up and leave, I was pretty spooked. I still am. The doctor seemed so sure that the chances of triplets or even twins were low. But if his 60% success rate is true, the chances of twins are pretty much 50/50 if I do get pregnant. So either he was downplaying the risk, or the Italian lady was right about them misrepresenting their success rates. I even found myself imagining for a moment that they hadn't actually made me any embryos at all, maybe they just went through the motions of putting them in so they could swindle me out of my money. O.o paranoid much? But, the nurse at the transfer did ask me to confirm my name at least four times to be sure she had the right tube in her hand. And, after he had the catheter and speculum out Dr. Thanos did turn the ultrasound machine and point out on the screen the white area that held the embryos. So I just have to have faith, right?
Anyway, when they finally let me leave and come downstairs, I was feeling pretty down, and frustrated, and hungry.... It was almost 3 PM and I hadn't been able to eat since breakfast. We didn't have to wait too long, thankfully, for the rest. One of the nurses took us in to talk about the meds I'd have to take. Staying on the high doses of estrogen and progesterone, and adding daily injections of heparin. All of which cost 145 euro, or around $180. Then Dr. Thanos came in, only for a few seconds. He did confirm that the embryos he transferred were at the 5-day stage. But, he said he didn't think the remaining two would be good for freezing. He said they'd email me tomorrow if they were, but if I didn't get an email that meant they weren't. He didn't sound optimistic at all, or even really like he cared, but I'm pretty disappointed. If there's nothing to freeze, we won't be able to afford to try again. This is our last shot, and if it doesn't work, it's over.
Which doesn't help my stress level.
But anyway, for better or worse, it's done. There's nothing left to do but wait. Our test date is Christmas Eve, and we'll either be having the best Christmas ever or the most heartbroken one.
All in all, it was not a terrible experience, but certainly not as good as I had expected. I had no idea the wait times would be so long, the office would be so crowded, the doctor would be so rough and brusque, or that the enticing prices and choices promised by the website would not be all that they seemed. This is definitely not the place to go if you want close control over your procedure and embryos. But if I get pregnant, it won't matter. Though if I am pregnant with twins I do think I'll be kind of irritated with the clinic for not engaging more seriously in a discussion about using one or two embryos.
And, if it doesn't work, at least we did get a pretty nice vacation out of the deal.
We took a taxi back to the hotel and I've spent the rest of the day in bed. It's cold and rainy anyway, so at least it doesn't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Kaitlin went and got us food from a nearby restaurant, and we're just hanging out on our iPads until bedtime. I'm going to try and sleep around 8, since we have an early morning pickup for a day cruise tomorrow.
What a day. I don't think I've ever gone to such extremes for anything before. Praying to every power in the universe that this works.
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