IVF#2 CD6 - Incredibly stressful weekend

Oh my gosh, has this been a stressful weekend.

First off, I ran out of my Ambien prescription and got hit by a bout of insomnia that sucked the life out of me. A total of about sixteen hours of sleep over the course of six days left me hallucinating and feeling kind of stoned... miserable, overly emotional, and pretty much nonfunctioning. I left work early on Friday because I couldn't concentrate, and called in sick yesterday for the same reason. Finally, yesterday afternoon, I got in to see my doctor. She refilled my prescription and gave me 5 refills this time (hallelujah!!) so I waited around for three hours for Walgreens to give me that precious bottle before going home, eating dinner, and going to bed. Sure enough, the first blissful, full night of sleep I've had in a week. I feel like a human being again!

I'm going to refill this prescription every thirty days for the next six months. I won't use the tablets nearly that fast - I actually rarely need them - but I'm going to have the maximum number possible on hand so that hopefully I never, ever run out again. Being that sleepless for that long is maybe one of the most miserable states I've ever been in. Ugh.

Anyway, in the middle of all of this I get a call from my RE. They say that they made a mistake in my last cycle by billing my insurance for the scans and bloodwork - since I've moved on to IVF, and my insurance doesn't cover IVF, they were supposed to charge me the full amount. Therefore, they'd be "happy" to continue to provide me with the scans, but it will cost me $487 every time. Personally, I think they're just doing this because I'm "not their client anymore." My insurance didn't cover IUI either, but they still billed insurance for the ultrasounds then... I think they kind of don't want to work with me anymore and are hoping I'll go away.

I just about lost my mind. That's almost $1500 more for this cycle than I had budgeted, and there's nothing I can do to argue with them. But we're already halfway through the Lupron protocol -- quitting now means wasting $400 in medicine that I've already taken. So there's no choice, I just have to put the scan costs on my credit card. However, I'm going to try to get to Greece a little early after all so that the last scan can take place there, where it's included in the cost of my overall treatment. I'll end up taking more time off of work, and spending extra nights in the hotel, but it still will cost less than $500 for the stupid scan.

To make matters worse, I hadn't heard back from the Greek clinic at all for days. They wanted me to have a scan on CD3, but my RE wouldn't see me unless I brought a letter from the Greek clinic ordering the scans. My Greek coordinator wasn't answering any of my emails. Finally I emailed Dr. Paraschos himself, from the contact form on the website, and he answered right away - apparently my coordinator is on leave for a while and someone else was supposed to be checking her messages. He made sure I got the letter I needed. I got in for the u/s yesterday, which was CD5 - at least he said he thought that would still be okay.

So, I went in for the u/s yesterday - since I'd already called in sick, at least I didn't have to try and leave work for the appointment - and paid them their freaking $500, and got the scan and blood draw. This morning I got an email from the RE that they tried to email the results to Greece and it bounced back (they didn't cc me like I'd asked) so I forwarded the results directly to my substitute coordinator. She was responsive, thank God, and said she'd be in touch around Friday with more instructions.

Add to that the fact that my Lupron shipment, which was supposed to arrive over a week ago, had still not arrived (and finally came in on Saturday, I had to drive to the post office to pick it up on Monday because we weren't home when they tried to deliver it),

To sum up, insomnia, RE money problems, Greek communication problems, and worry about getting my meds in time all combined to make me a ball of emotional anxiety the entire weekend. I tried chilling out using every meditative practice I could think of, playing solitaire for hours on end, reading (when my exhausted eyes would cooperate) and generally taking it easy. But oh, I am so SO SO grateful that I now have a bottle of Ambien, a good night's sleep, my meds safely stowed away, and communication re-established with Embio. I also got paid today, so I have been able to pay off some of the debt that's been stacking up on my credit cards.

Overall I'm feeling like the sun has finally broken through a cloud, and things are going to be okay. Still mad about the ridiculously expensive ultrasounds. But in a couple weeks I will be in Greece, getting two more embryos transferred, and the chances are 60% - better than half - that at least one is going to implant. At least we GET the chance to roll the dice again, because there's a zero % chance we'd get pregnant without doing this.

I also did some research into adoption. Found an agency (lifelongadoptions.com) that specializes in LGBT couples. Adoption is also crazy expensive... maybe just as much as we've already spent on this... and I don't actually know if we would be able to find the money. But it's nice to know that it could be an option, if this round doesn't stick either.  Trying not to stare too hard into that future, because right now it's really hard to think that this one might not work.

Spending today feeling grateful <3