IUI#2 CD23 9DPI - I've Been Slacking

Well, today we are 9DPI. I really don’t believe I’m pregnant this time around. Part of that, though, is that in a way it feels like I don’t deserve to be, because I’ve been such a slacker about my vitamins and supplements and so on.

I had two decent follies before the IUI – something like 16 mm and 17mm, one in each ovary – but a very thin lining. I don’t remember the exact measurement, but I think it was something like 5 or 6 mm – and from what I’ve read on the internet the goal is more like 8mm. The IUI itself was four days later, but they didn’t do another ultrasound at that time, so I have no idea if my lining was thicker by then.

Anyway, I’ve done a terrible job of keeping up with my prenatals, Vitamin E supplements, and drinking enough water. I have had barely any physical activity, because it’s been cold and I’ve been busy and tired at work and haven’t used my break to walk like I should. I’ve been gassy and bloated, with something of an upset stomach. The one thing I HAVE done faithfully is to take my progesterone every night. I haven’t missed one yet, and that’s something, I guess.

Still, I feel like I’ve been slacking so much that I really don’t deserve a BFP this time around. I did use a couple pregnancy tests around 3-4DPI, to see if the trigger shot was still in my system. Both tests were stark white. Theoretically, although it’s crazy early, I could take another one starting today. Tomorrow, 10DPI, is when I usually tell myself I’ll start testing – and that’s still really, really early. But, as heartwrenching as those stark white tests are, each day drains my hope little by little. Somehow it feels easier to have hope drained slowly than to lose it all in one instant when AF shows up. Also, because I’m on the progesterone, AF may not show up until I stop taking it. And I’m not allowed to stop taking it until my RE has confirmed I am not pregnant via a blood test.

I’ve done more research on the internet recently, about how I could thicken my uterine lining and improve egg quality. Exercise is apparently top of the list, along with drinking more water. Then comes the supplements – L-Arginine, something called CoQ10 Ubiquinol, red leaf raspberry tea, pomegranate juice, and pineapple core for the first five days after ovulation. Vitamin E is mentioned by some too, along with prenatals, of course.

But I remember how stressed I was the last time I tried all of this… how every day I had to look at a calendar and record meticulously which miracle cures I was supposed to take that day. I really think the stress of doing it all just right contributed to the fact that I didn’t get pregnant back then.

Still, I feel guilty for not doing more this cycle. I had a margarita at dinner last night, and there is a lot of beer in the refrigerator, waiting for me as soon as a BFN is confirmed. But I guess I won’t indulge until I’m sure. It’s just a few more days anyway… I’m supposed to go in for a blood test in exactly one week, if I haven’t gotten a positive pregnancy test or my period by then.

In the meantime, our computer system has gone down at work, so there’s very little to do for most of the day today. All the things I need to accomplish have to wait until tomorrow… Very frustrating.

Anyway, I would be overjoyed for a BFP, of course. It just doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen this time. I guess there’s always next month. While this is only our second attempt this year, it’s my sixth attempt, total. The odds are supposed to be 20% - 1 out of 5 – for each try. Albeit, that’s for young, healthy women who don’t have diminished reserve… but still. It feels like I’m going to have to try way more times than the average woman. And that’s IF it ever even works. *sigh*