So today would be the equivalent of 7 DPO. Whereas with
IVF#2 I had every single symptom under the sun, even this early, yesterday and
today have been really mild. A bit of nausea, mostly at mealtimes; a bit of constipation, though nowhere near as
awful as last time; a bit of fatigue (that could very well be jet lag) followed
by an unusual amount of energy; and a
bit of moodiness, though again nowhere near as bad as the last round. Oh, and
an appetite that’s either ravenous or non-existent, depending on the nausea.
The most prevalent and constant “symptom” is one I had even
before the embryo transfer, and that’s the heavy, full feeling. It’s similar to
the sensation right before a period starts, where it just feels like the uterus
is full and dragging down a bit. The muscles feel tired, as if I did three
hundred sit-ups several days ago and the worst of the soreness has past, and
now the muscles aren’t painful but they’re tired and overly sensitive… that’s
the best way I can think of to describe it. Sometimes they twinge or twitch a
little. Sometimes it actually feels a little achy. But it never goes away, so
it’s a 24/7 reminder of the TWW. Kind of hard to successfully
not-think-about-whether-I-am-pregnant when the sensation is neverending. Pffft.
And, while I know it’s silly, I swear I worry every time I
bend over, every time I stand longer than 60 seconds, every time I laugh or go
to the bathroom or even just stretch in the morning – because those muscles are
sensitive I’m hyper aware of every time I use them, and a little red flag pops
up in the back of my mind going “hey, be careful!” X.x
Had an odd dream last night about a really young, really
thin girl who was pregnant and had two kids already. Her belly was almost
see-through and I could see her baby pressing its hands against her stomach
from the inside. I spent most of the dream taking care of her two older children,
and running around this big mansion trying to find her so that they could see
their mom. No clue what it might mean, if it means anything at all, but it was
vivid enough that I apparently still remember it hours later. Oh, and there was
a huge, old ballroom in this mansion, that was magnificent but had gone unused
for probably eighty years, and was mostly forgotten and obsolete, and used to store toys that
belonged to the owner’s children.
Freud would probably have a field day.
Oh, and let’s see, in the last two days at work I have seen
no less than 3 hugely pregnant women, one teeny tiny brand new newborn, and
more toddlers than I could count on one hand. And I have this weird emotional
response, angry and sad and wistful and happy happy happy all at the same
time. Mostly the hormones, I’m sure, but
sheesh.
It would make me feel better to get an early, strong BFP,
and high beta numbers. I had a later BFP last time (about 13DPO) and low beta
numbers (starting at 190) and part of me wonders if that’s because baby was
headed for a miscarriage from the start. At the same time, early strong results
are often indicative of multiples… so about three seconds after I were to get
them I’d be all worried about what it might *mean* in terms of the quantity.
LOL.
That’s really all there is to report at the moment.
Definitely staying busy at work, though I’m really glad it’s Friday. I have a
few small chores planned for the weekend, but otherwise I’ll probably spend it
camped on the couch watching Korean drama. Sunday is the first day I’m letting
myself POAS – it will be 6DP3DT, or around 9 DPO. Way early, I know, but if
this is going to work I want that info as soon as it is physically possible. I
remember, after we got our BFP in December, what an amazing sense of peace it
was, long before we went in for the beta… and the TWW was no longer agonizing
as soon as that second pink line showed up and I already knew what the beta was
going to say.
Of course I knew at beta #2 in April, too. But I much prefer
knowing before the lab confirms it, to the agony of waiting a full 14 days
without a clue. Right now waiting just two more days to POAS, even knowing that
I’m unlikely to see a BFP that early, feels like it is just soooooooo long. :P
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