So it's definitely BFP. Of course, now begins the contemplation of whether it's multiples, and if so, how many.
If that weren't enough, this morning I woke up with the heavy-tummy feeling completely gone, plenty of energy, no nausea, no moodiness, boob soreness gone and it doesn't seem like I have to pee. So now, even though I'm staring at the pic of the digital that says PREGNANT, I am second-guessing whether it's going to end up a chemical. And trying really hard to redirect those thoughts to "this is going to work, it HAS worked, we're taking a baby home this time." But ooooh, it feels like each little triumph is such a double-edged sword, because the stakes get higher.
And I guess it's always going to feel that way. After a positive beta, "will it double?" After a doubling beta, "will the ultrasound be ok? Will there be heartbeats? How many?" After a successful ultrasound, "will the next one be ok? and the next? Will I make it through the first trimester?" I think it's just never going to end. The uncertainty of TTC just turns into the uncertainty of pregnancy, so all this positive-thinking discipline I've been working on is far from over.
In the meantime, I am pretty far behind at work and have a bunch of meetings today. This week will likely be spent playing catch-up from the week I was out, before I can get to the new project my boss has assigned.
But, I did get an email back from the Greek clinic today, with the letter for my RE here ordering the beta test. So after my morning meetings I'm going to call to set the appointment for the blood draw.
She also sent me the egg donor's profile, so now I have information on both of them.
Egg Donor: 25 years old, white skin, brown hair, brown eyes, Type A-, 167 cm tall (about 5'6"), 50 kg (about 110 lbs), a dental assistant.
Sperm Donor: From Cryos International Sperm Bank, Donor #6567. Danish, blue/gray eyes, brown hair, 6 feet tall, 192 lbs, Type O+ (same as me!), an "interactive digital media" student.
That's all the info available for each of them, as they're both anonymous. But it's enough, I think - looks like we're likely to have a brown haired kiddo! Trying to focus on the positive possibilities rather than the not so positive ones at the moment. Hey, we've made it all the way to a second pink line. That's huge! So we just have to make it to beta now. This is going to be the one, right? <3
My symptoms went away the same day as my BFP and didn't come back again until much later. Personally, I think most of our early symptoms are caused by the IVF meds and our bodies adjust to them eventually! Early pregnancy is the MOST STRESSFUL TIME EVER. I still stress out a LOT but I did feel substantially better after my 20 week ultrasound, and most women report feeling a lot less stressed after 12 weeks. Can't wait to hear those beta numbers!! <3 <3
ReplyDeleteOoh that's really nice to hear! Makes me feel much better. I know I'm over analyzing everything... Worried about getting too excited when it's so early, but it's hard not to be excited and terrified at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHoping betas come back with good solid numbers... Hope hope hope!!
Thank you so much for all your encouragement. <3