Yesterday I spent a lot of time with anxiety that maybe the BFP was fading. I felt GREAT yesterday... better than I have since we started this round of meds... and was worried maybe that meant that the BFP was going away.
But last night's tests, though maybe not darker than the day before, were still solidly positive. (PS, I discovered that the reason my boobs weren't hurting is because apparently my Victoria's Secret bra is magical. The minute I took it off last night to shower, boobs = ow. Put it back on this morning, and no pain! Well done, VS! I will be wearing this sucker for as long as possible while I'm pregnant.)
And this morning, even though I got to sleep through the night and didn't have to get up for the bathroom until 5:30 AM (wow!), I used both a FRER and Wondfo and both were still solid, clear positives.
So came to work, kept drinking my water, and got another faint positive on a Wondfo. (Yes, I realize this is an awful lot of peeing on sticks. Pffft, I say. I need lots of reassurance & this is how I get it :P ) Still feeling better than I think I ought to feel as a newly-pregnant lady on a ton of meds, but I wonder if maybe that's because embryos are sucking up the hormones so I'm not getting the side effects - unlike round #2 when I had every possible pregnancy side effect but no baby in there.
My beta appointment is at 8 AM on Saturday, so I just have to email the Greek doctor's orders over to the RE today or tomorrow. Pretty sure at this point it's going to be positive, the question is just *how* positive... and whether it doubles. Sounds like beta #2 will then be on Monday, so I guess we'll see.
Then another TWW, most likely, before we can have an ultrasound. I don't think I'll really be able to escape the anxiety until we get to the point where there is/are heartbeat(s) on the screen. Even so, I don't think I'll be able to hold myself back from excitement and planning and all of that until the ultrasound. We've been waiting so long for this... so long, to feel like life is really moving forward and we're really going to be able to get off the TTC-train at last and take the next step into pregnancy and parenthood... and it's kind of not possible to already start getting excited about doing all the things we've wanted to do for ages that we keep setting aside for "when we're not TTC-ing anymore." A lot of that is money-related - I have wanted to put a real floor in our basement for years, but couldn't afford it. We've wanted to elope (likely to Vegas, because if you're going to elope you should do it right), but couldn't afford it. And, of course, there's the nursery, and all the millions of daydreams about the wall mural and sewing little blankets and curtains and cushions that go with the theme, and acquiring all the furniture and setting it up to be our baby(ies)'s room... and some of the less romantical things about it, like bringing in an electrician to wire up ceiling boxes for overhead fans (why oh why did the house builders think that having no overhead lighting in bedrooms was a good idea???) and starting to think about remodeling the upstairs bath which will end up being the kiddo bathroom and... and... and...
You see what I mean. It's like life has been on hold for ages while we poured everything we had into this. And truthfully, we won't be able to do a lot of things right away anyway, because we've got to make a nice big dent in the debts accrued while TTC. But I'll admit, I'm already kinda sorta researching Montessori schools (there's one near our house that takes kids as young as 12 months) and daydreaming.
Cart miles before the horse. I know. But when you've dreamed of things for so long, even started to wonder if you'd never actually get there, it's hard not to get crazy excited.
And being excited and daydreaming is loads more fun than angsting over whether my pregnancy test line is getting darker and WHY IS IT NOT DARKER YET. :P Also, it's really only the equivalent of 12DPO. I should be grateful there's even a second line at all, not to mention how solid and clear it is.
So daydreaming it is. Right after I finish working on this pile of files on my desk!
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