I’m waiting for the positive beta before I start tracking according to weeks of pregnancy, but I got a really dark line yesterday afternoon at work, and two more this morning, so it’s worth noting that as of today, beta or not, I am 100% positive that I am four weeks pregnant. (Well, the embryos are only two weeks old, but the way those silly doctors count pregnancy back to supposed first day of last period…)
As if that weren’t enough, I spent most of the day yesterday
feeling exhausted, even after an amazing night’s sleep… and last night after
dinner I had to lie down and stay down the rest of the night, because I was so
nauseous. Didn’t throw up (I have to be really, really sick for that) but on a
scale of 1-10, where 1 is normal non-nausea and 10 is puking my guts out, I’d
say we were at a 7-8. Ugh. Ate saltines, drank water and managed to keep my
medication in my tummy where it belongs, but it made for a crummy night’s
sleep.
Still tired this morning, though not as dizzy and woozy as
yesterday, so here’s hoping maybe today will be better. Still sitting here
crunching saltines, though (which are slightly banana flavored, haha, since
they’ve been hanging out in my office drawer with my fruit.) I think that
saltines are about to become my new best friend, if this keeps up.
Oh, the irony. Just a couple days ago I was oh-so-worried
about feeling too awesome, and now apparently I have nausea/fatigue before we’ve
even had a positive beta. Pfft. Be
careful what you wish for??
Though I keep peeing on sticks and keep seeing that second
line, it still feels a little surreal to think “I’m pregnant.” After eighteen
months of trying, 4 ICIs, 6 IUIs, more pills, injections, and ultrasounds than
I can even count, three trips to Greece, four different sperm donors, three different egg donors, nine embryos transferred, forty thousand dollars spent and one miscarriage – I guess
it’s just a little hard to wrap my brain around the fact that we’ve finally received
what we’ve been begging the universe for all this time. I’m proud of us, for
not giving up. I’m grateful – SO grateful – for the wise financial choices I
made years ago in buying a house that I could then borrow against for all of
this, and for sticking with my job through a couple really harrowing years such
that I now have an income that allows us to feasibly manage TTC debt. But more
than anything else, I am so, so grateful to see that second pink line.
I suppose I ought to be more nervous about another miscarriage,
but somehow I’m not. Somehow, it feels way down deep in my gut that we’re
taking a baby home this time for sure. I
have this sense of peace about it, and it’s funny – even all the little doubts
and fears that enter my head can’t actually unseat the certainty that it’s
going to turn out okay. So I’m holding on to that, because I think the
baby(ies) are trying to tell me they’re sticking around.
Beta blood draw at 8 AM tomorrow. I am guessing we’ll end up
with a second one on Monday. Then we get to find out what date we get to have
an ultrasound. Hoping for six weeks…
Looking forward to the weekend, though, hopefully
accomplishing a few small things and getting to mostly loaf. I’m not doing any more
major cleaning projects until we see heartbeats. And even then, I may hold off
on doing much until we’re through the first trimester and things are looking
okay.
In the meantime, guess I will just have to start googling
cute baby clothes and more nursery ideas :P
No comments:
Post a Comment