EIGHT WEEKS

We made it to eight weeks! And lo, our first baby-bump photo. Funny how the belly sticker says "blueberry" while the ticker says baby's a raspberry today... I am thinking we may see several of these sorts of contradictions as we go, but that's okay.

For being a blueberry/raspberry, baby sure is making my tummy stick out a lot. You can see pooching already in the picture. :P I don't think I've actually gained weight yet - maybe a half-pound or so, but my weight regularly fluctuates by about 4 pounds so it's hard to tell for sure. Sorry for the bad-quality pic, but the lighting in our house is not awesome at 6 AM and it's hard to get a good phone photo. Hopefully we'll get better at this as we go along. (A pretty new camera is on my wish list, but we have some debts to pay off before I can justify it. :P)

In terms of morning sickness, for me it's REALLY turning into a misnomer. I actually feel best in the mornings, with the least ickiness and the most energy I'll have all day. Round about 11AM - noon, I start feeling slower and uckier. Usually by the time I get home from work I'm full-on miserable, and bedtime is a welcome escape from the awful seasick feeling.

What's tough is that drinking liquids - doesn't seem to matter what kind - is the worst part. I don't struggle much with food, but liquids make me feel really seasick/carsick, even when I'm sitting still. So I'm trying to pace myself with water throughout the day, and instead of guzzling every 30 minutes or so like I usually do, taking 2-3 swallows every 10 minutes. It's pretty intrusive when I'm trying to concentrate on working, but the smaller amounts make me less queasy in the long run.

There was such terrible news on the NW forums yesterday - two of the hopeful mamas that recently got BFPs miscarried. I am so very sad for both of them, as they're such good and kind people and life is just so horribly unfair. Not that I would ever want to jinx this pregnancy, but I guess I feel a little guilty that so far my luck is holding out. Fertility really is such a fickle thing, with no apparent rhyme or reason to why some babies stick and so many others don't. I am grateful beyond words that we are doing well so far... and heartbroken beyond words for my friends who are facing such loss. :(

So, there's a lot of stuff we need to accomplish this weekend, namely some cleaning and yard maintenance and I have to get a solid start on the SCA project. I think I'm going to have to do most of the work in the morning, since I know when afternoon nausea hits I'll be pretty much useless.

Also, starting tomorrow it's the first level of reduction in the medication I've been taking - I go from 12mg of estrogen/day to 10, and from 800mg of progesterone/day to 600. Hoping that it goes well and doesn't cause any spotting or other scary stuff...

Anyway, here's what BabyCenter says our little shrimp looks like at 8 weeks - starting to look a little more humanoid now, yeah?

7WK5D - Updates

Yesterday was the first day in over a week that the morning sickness was really mild. I had just a few short episodes of upset stomach, that were cured by eating a snack. And I had more energy and less exhaustion than I've had in a long while, so I was actually able to help with some normal, simple things like cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, and going to get my own water/meds/electronics/etc. instead of asking Kaitlin to bring things to me.

Last night, though, I didn't sleep well at all. I was trying to sleep without any ambien, and took some melatonin instead, but finally at about 1:30 AM I got up and took a quarter of an Ambien pill. Still didn't work much. I did get some dreams, so I know I was at least partially asleep, but no deep restful sleep like what I really needed. So this morning I feel like a zombie. Which, you know, is actually kind of par for the course with me anyway, with all my insomnia issues. Thankfully the nausea still seems to be hibernating today too, because I don't think I could make it through the day at work if I had to deal with both that and this exhaustion. I'm drinking some (decaf) coffee and eating a bagel, and we'll see if that perks me up any. I'd really like to spend today getting some things done at work, as we're getting close to the end of the month. But I'm no good to anyone if I'm sitting at my desk staring blankly at the computer screen.

Oh, I did come home last night to find my pregnancy belly bump stickers and belly butter had arrived from Amazon. I dove right into the belly butter (after Kaitlin very thoughtfully drew hearts over the bee-shaped graphics in nice dark sharpie, because I hate bees) and it's actually not as thick as I was expecting, more the texture of a regular lotion. OK by me, though, as long as it helps. The first belly sticker ("blueberry") is for 8 weeks, so we're going to take our first belly photo on Friday.

For some reason I have it in my head that at 8 weeks we'll truly be pregnant. *shrugs* Not sure where that comes from, since the morning sickness for the last week has made it pretty darned obvious. :P But anyway, our next ultrasound is the day before we hit 9 weeks. And then I have to find out whether they'll let us have any more, especially in the first trimester.

If only I had enough money to buy my own ultrasound machine so I could look at baby every single day and reassure myself that they're growing all right. :P

7WK4D - Ultrasound goodies

So I was finally able to get the video off my phone and Kaitlin scanned in the ultrasound printouts for me, and here they are!

So again the dark teardrop-shaped thing is the gestational sac, and the round bright white outline is the yolk sac. But look how much bigger baby is! Floating above the yolk now. The rounder area on the left is the head, and the pointier area to the right is the tail. See the little brighter white spot near the tail? That's a leg that's starting to form. And the whole middle segment, on the screen, is what was pulsing - it's where the heartbeat is. We were able to see little nubs around that area too, that will turn into arms and hands.

And here, friends, is the most fantastic souvenir of our ultrasound visit. Behold the darlingness of this tiny little heartbeat:

All the love. Love love love.

Nausea was maybe the worst yesterday that it's been so far. I had a really hard time at work, trying to focus when I felt so awful. Today's been better... only just starting to get some of the nausea now. Hoping it staves off until after work hours because I have so much to do and really need to be able to bring my A-game...

7WK3D – 2nd Ultrasound!

I spent most of the weekend feeling ucky and exhausted, lying on the couch. Did manage to go to the grocery store with Kaitlin, although we had to stop a couple of times so I could sit and rest and get my tummy back under control… and then I went and sat at the front of the store while she checked out because I couldn’t stand up in the line for that long. I also managed to spend just a few minutes on Sunday afternoon patterning the foresleeves for the SCA project dress. They really didn’t take that long, maybe 15 minutes, yet I felt so exhausted afterward it was like I’d spent a day doing yard work. X.x

Mostly I’ve been grumpy and mildly sick to my stomach and really tired. The fact that I can’t seem to get up to do anything without feeling winded and dizzy and sick is also very annoying, and adding to my overall grumpiness. And, I’m experiencing some mild acid reflux when I drink more than just a swallow or two of water at a time.  Boobs are more sore in the last couple of days. No vomiting yet, for which I am (mostly) grateful, though the reflux stuff makes it feel like things are going to come back up and that’s less than fun.

But, BUT… we had our second ultrasound this morning. Kaitlin couldn’t come to this one, because today’s her first day of work at a new job and she couldn’t miss it. So I went in there alone, still a little nervous that it would turn out to be too good to be true after all… but all is perfectly well. Baby Shrimp is measuring 12.5mm today, which is actually a couple days ahead, with a heartbeat of 153 bpm. He/She actually looks more like a seahorse now than a shrimp, I think. I got to take a good video of the heartbeat this time, and get another picture, but won’t be able to put those up until after I get home tonight… so for now there’s only this clip from the ultrasound tech’s report to share:

So happy and grateful that everything is going okay.  However, the novelty of morning sickness has officially worn off after a week, and I’m guessing there are weeks more to go before it goes away. Trying to enjoy it, for what it’s worth, as a part of this experience that I’m only going to get to do once in my life. Still waiting eagerly for my Amazon package to come in… hope it gets here before Friday, because that’s when we take our first 8-week baby bump picture!

Also, it’s time to go on the hunt for some tall-maternity-work-trousers, because right  now I have only one pair of stretchy pants that I can wear to work without worrying that the waist is crushing my little baby. Yes, I realize baby is probably just fine even if I wear tight pants… but I just feel better not having to think about it. And loose ones help with the nausea too.

Goals for this week include finding/ordering at least one pair of maternity pants, and picking out and ordering our elopement dresses from Aliexpress so we can be sure they arrive on time. Also this weekend I have to pattern the bodice of the SCA project dress, ask Kaitlin to mow the lawn and whack weeds, and then ask her to start working on the vector art for the nursery character decals. I am so excited about our nursery concept, guys…. It will be a lot of work but it’s going to look so SO awesome.

Okay, now to down a few more saltines and try to make it through the rest of the work day…

SEVEN WEEKS

So we hit seven weeks today! The blueberry milestone - so exciting to finally make it past the sweet-pea stage since we didn't get this far with our first.

I haven't blogged much in the last couple days, mostly because I've been feeling crappy (yay!!).  Wednesday was the worst so far, I think because I hadn't slept well for a couple of days, so it aggravated the nausea in a major way. My morning sickness, so far, appears to be of the feeling-moderately-sick-to-my-stomach-all-day-long type. It's worse if I don't eat often enough, OR if I eat too much, OR if I move around a lot, OR if I sit still too much.  X.x So I keep trying to find this golden balance of eating just the right amount, just often enough, and moving around just the right amount, but not too much. I've also noticed it's worse when I'm tired, and much, MUCH better when I've slept well the night before. 

No vomiting yet, though there have been several times when I've wished I could. :P

Still the usual sore boobs, and a lot of fatigue the past couple days - I've actually slept really well the last two nights in a row and still wake up feeling sleepy and wanting to go back to bed. Looking forward to the weekend so that I can get some more sleep, though I absolutely must start working on the SCA project or I'll never have it done in time for the November deadline. 

We go in for another ultrasound on Monday morning, and then we have an appointment with the OBGYN for an ultrasound at 8WK6D (so almost nine weeks). Not sure where we'll go from there, exactly, but I'm trying to make a list of questions for the OBGYN now, because I know I won't remember half of them once I'm on the spot. So far what I've come up with:

1. Can we qualify for a free-cell DNA test and/or any other types of genetic screening? (They test for a lot of different things, but also gender. Since we have so little info on either of the donors, I'm hoping our OB will order some so that my insurance will cover it...)

2. Can I keep taking Ambien on occasion for my insomnia? (I usually take 2.5 - 5mg, which is a quarter or a half of a pill, on nights when nothing else is working. The internet says doctors often prescribe it for pregnant women, but I'd like to just make sure.)

3. Can she recommend or connect us with a lactation consultant? Not just for me, but also for Kaitlin, as Kaitlin would really like to try and induce lactation so she can breastfeed too.

4. Is it safe for me to start doing some mild exercise, like walking? Is it safe to color my hair?

5. Can she recommend or connect us with prenatal classes?

6. What options do we have for our birth plan? Who do we call/what do we do when labor starts? (I am a total newbie at this, I know pretty much NOTHING!)

7. When should I call her office? (What symptoms, conditions, questions, etc. warrant a call?)

8.  How many checkups does she do, and when? How many ultrasounds? 

9. How can I best avoid/manage PPD, if it becomes necessary?

10. What is my risk for gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, etc? Can I get my flu shot with her office this winter?

11. Should I be working with a perinatologist? One of the awesome ladies on the NW forums suggested it, but I'm not sure how to go about finding one...

I'm sure I'll have more by the time we get there, but I think these cover the biggest ones. Kaitlin and I made a pact that we will find out the baby's gender together early, but we won't tell anybody until January-ish when we throw a baby shower. If we can find out the gender from one of the early tests, that would be awesome - if not, I think we're going to go to one of the little boutique-y 4D ultrasound places here in Denver around 16 weeks so we can get a fancy ultrasound AND an early peek at the goods. Actually, I think we're going to do the 4D ultrasound regardless because it sounds like so much fun. This is going to be my only pregnancy, so I kind of don't want to miss out on a single fun thing about it if I can. :)  

I also realize this is still kind of premature, since we're only 7 weeks in. But we ARE halfway through the first trimester at this point, so it's really hard to be cautious with my excitement.

So here's what babycenter says baby looks like at seven weeks: 

Still pretty shrimp-like, yeah? Looks like the yolk sac is shrinking down too.  Oh, and my poor tummy is really starting to reflect the abuse of night after night of heparin shots. :( Just take a look:

It's actually bruised enough that just wearing my jeans buttoned up today feels sore. O.o And sadly I think we have another six weeks to go of the darned things before we can stop doing them. I just keep gritting my teeth and reminding myself of that itty bitty little heartbeat, which needs these shots in order to keep growing strong. <3

Three more days until our next ultrasound. There hasn't been any bleeding or anything since the one on Monday, which is a huge relief, but somehow I still feel a little nervous. I guess part of me feels like this is too good to be true, and surely at some point someone's going to snatch it away from me again. Really looking forward to another glimpse in there, hoping we'll see baby getting bigger just like they're supposed to, with a heartbeat increasing just like it's supposed to, and we get to keep dreaming...

6WK4D - Relief

Kaitlin scanned the picture of our little embryo ultrasound for me last night, so I can finally post it. The pic shows the whole gestational sac (the teardrop shaped dark space) with the yolk sac (the round white outline) and the fetal pole (the sort of vertical white mass on the left of the yolk sac). Right now it's so early that the yolk sac is sustaining the baby... in fact, my pregnancy book entry for yesterday informed us that the baby's future sperm or eggs will actually be formed in the yolk sac and pass to the baby's body a little later - so weird! Anyway, eventually the yolk sac and gestational sac end up turning into the placenta as the little shrimp grows bigger.

Here's what BabyCenter says a six-week embryo looks like. See what I mean about being a little shrimp?

Maybe it’s just the high after getting to see that tiny heartbeat yesterday, but I kind of feel like all that anxiety and worry I was dealing with has melted away. I feel calm and certain that things are going to be okay. I know there’s still risk and that it’s still very early, but somehow I just feel a million times better.

Yetserday was the first day of truly serious nausea. I’d say on a scale of 1-10, about a 5… but it was persistent and would NOT go away for pretty much the entire day. I finished my entire stash of Saltines at work, and had a huge craving for red meat by the time I got home (I usually don’t like red meat very much) so we went out for a celebratory dinner and I had steak.  Thankfully the nausea wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t keep food down (it has to be really, really bad, because my stomach is stubborn about holding on to its contents) but the driving and walking and such really were not fun. Also, the smell of my dog’s litter box and the cats’ litter boxes was driving me nuts last night.

This morning, I bought a decaf coffee and a chocolate muffin at the little cafeteria at work… but the muffin tastes fishy. Like, literally, it tastes like fish. I’m hungry so I’m trying to eat small bits at least, but I don’t think I’m going to get through much of it because chocolate fish tasting muffin is so not delicious. I have no idea if this is because of the pregnancy, or because the café downstairs isn’t the classiest of joints.  SIGH. I’ll need to spend my lunch break at the store getting more work groceries. So far it appears that what my body wants is red meat and greens. Lots and lots of greens. I actually sat on the couch the other night just stuffing salad leaves straight from the bag into my face. O.o At least it’s healthy, I guess??

Let’s see, what else… my lower back was aching last night after we took a shower. Still having some blood pressure issues, but they weren’t as bad yesterday because the weather was cooler.  Boobs still sore, still getting up in the middle of the night to pee.  Super tired today, but that’s mostly because I didn’t sleep well last night (Kaitlin kept tossing and turning, which kept me from being able to sleep, which is probably also the reason why I feel irritable this morning…)

My name’s been changed at work, and in our state systems now, so there’s really only a few things left to update – bank accounts, the house title, my passport, and various other bits. I’ll need to order more work business cards and have them redo the sign outside my office. But otherwise I am well on the way to starting a whole different kind of life. Kaitlin and I are starting to talk about our Vegas elopement, too, which looks like it will probably be November-ish.

It’s shaping up to be a very busy next few months, with an SCA project I’ve been asked to complete by mid-November and Kaitlin switching to a new teaching position and a ton of other projects, big and small, that are going to need attention. But it’s exciting, too, because now that our little one is really and truly in existence and on the way, life is going to start snowballing forward over the next few months. So excited!

Kaitlin shared this hilarious little video with me on Facebook yesterday and I thought other pregnant cat-lovers out there would appreciate it:

6WK3D - Ultrasound Day

I started spotting again on Saturday night, through most of Sunday. It's now about 5AM and I am lying in bed waiting for my alarm to go off, because our ultrasound is at 8 this morning. I didn't sleep very well... Too nervous. Excited, anxious, fearful... I just keep thinking over and over "please be in there, at least one strong heartbeat, please don't turn into a mess like last time, please let this be it."

My stomach aches, not sure if it's anxiety or hunger or nausea. It's been a very long couple of weeks and this is our first really meaningful glimpse into what's happening. Naturally my mind keeps running over all the things that have brought us to this point, the failed relationships, the crazy awful year at work, the doctor appointments and needles and pills and probes and plane tickets and blood and speculums and money stuff, like some kind of never-ending 80's movie musical montage. Are we about to get one more step closer to a happy ending? Or are we about to face yet another devastating plot twist?

At least we're only hours away now, instead of weeks or days. If today is good news, there's still weeks to go in which anything could still happen. But we can cross that bridge if and when we get the chance to get to it. Today first.

Not sure how I'm going to make it through the day at work after this. Hope the alarm goes off soon....


EDIT:

WE SAW A HEARTBEAT!!!!

After the longest morning EVER, getting up and getting dressed for work and making coffee and getting my little dog out of her cage and driving over to the doctor's office and waiting nervously for the ultrasound tech, we finally got just exactly precisely the results we were hoping for.

One gestational sac. One yolk sac. One fetal pole, measuring 6.33 mm (6 weeks and 3 days). And one itty bitty fluttering heartbeat at 108 bpm.

WE HAZ A BABY.  Oh my gosh oh my gosh. The ultrasound tech printed pics for us, and I took pics of them with my phone, but of course my phone is not cooperating so I won't get to post them probably until tonight when I get home. In the meantime, though, this is a short clip that Kaitlin took on her phone, trying to capture the heartbeat on video.

There really just aren't words to describe the relief, the joy, the gratitude. I know we're not out of the woods yet - there's a good 6 weeks or so more to go in this trimester where anything can still happen... but at least for today I am so very, very happy and thankful. Thankful for a heartbeat, even more thankful that there's exactly one baby in there, which was exactly what we wanted. No more pendulum stressing about what-if-it-didn't-really-work to oh-my-god-how-will-we-have-the-life-we-imagined-if-there's-multiples. We still have to be cautious about keeping the one we've got... but it couldn't be a more perfect little bean, right where it's supposed to be for this stage, and there really isn't anything more we could have asked for.

We get to go back in one week for another scan, to see how it's progressing. And then I think I'll make an 8WK3D appointment for a scan with my OBGYN... and that way I'll get one scan a week for three weeks in a row... LUCKY!! :)

Now to sit here and covertly admire my ultrasound pictures for the rest of the day at work... <3