IVF#2 CD14 - Name Change and Other Developments

I was supposed to get an email from my new IVF coordinator today with instructions about Estrogen (and hopefully some idea of the dates I have to be in Greece) but didn't hear anything. Sent an email, but won't get a reply until probably early tomorrow morning because of the time difference. Here's hoping she gets in touch and we don't have another stressful period of silence...

I went to the bank today and finalized the transfer of 4800 Euro to the Greek clinic. Also hoping everything goes smoothly and that the 4800 is accepted, since that's what they originally quoted me.

I finally, finally got my IRS background check back for my name change. You know, the paperwork I started right after I got my BFP in December. So I took a long lunch yesterday and went to the county courthouse, about 20 minutes and 20 miles from work, to file the paperwork. Got it filed and paid my $120, only to be told that the judges were on lunch and if I wanted to wait, I could get it signed. I couldn't wait, because I had a meeting at work I had to get back to. They said okay, if I could get back by 4:30 I could get it signed then.

Drove back to work, went to the meeting. Left the meeting a little early so I'd have time to drive BACK to the courthouse, where first the lady told me the judges had closed at 4, then the other lady said she might be able to squeeze me in. Sat there for about 15 minutes and the court clerk called me upstairs - judge signed my petition. They set a review hearing for 5/22, so I have to go back then to have the final order issued.

Drove home with my paperwork, ready to send it off to the publisher in order to meet the 3-weeks-of-published-notice requirement. Realized when I got home that they gave me only one of the two documents I need. So now I have to find another day when I can either come in late or leave early so that I can go back to the courthouse, pick up the second document, and fulfill the publication requirement before I leave the country. Ugh. Really annoyed, because it means a lot of gas and time away from work, and the courthouse is only open during the times I'm supposed to be at work.

In the meantime, I got a phone call yesterday morning that my sister-in-law is pregnant. She and my brother have only been trying for about 6 months. And while I am happy for them - I truly am - and I know they're super excited and they deserve to be, I had to retreat into my own space for a while to process. Twenty five grand we've spent on this. Pills, injections, more doctors' visits than I can count, being probed and stabbed over and over again. Flights and hotel and wiring money and ordering meds overseas and traveling halfway around the world... finally, FINALLY getting pregnant only to lose the baby... and we're no closer to our baby now than we were fifteen months ago when we started all this.  Yet after six months, my brother and his wife get pregnant, easy as that.

I know the world isn't always fair. I know that just because we're struggling with infertility doesn't mean the rest of the world should have to. And I don't wish this awfulness and stress on anybody. But it does make me rage at the universe, a little. I want a baby so badly. I feel, though I know it's ridiculous and irrelevant, that surely we've "earned" pregnancy by now. Surely it should be our "turn". Surely the world should be more fair than this.

I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I was a bigger person. I wish I was graceful and kind and loving and generous and selfless. I want to be joyful and patient through all of this, to just sit back and enjoy the adventure, the mystery, the anticipation, the exotic foreign travel. Yet I'm mad, and I don't even have anyone to be mad AT.

But there is a silver lining. If this next round works my SIL and I can be pregnancy buddies... we can share our experiences throughout the stages of pregnancy, and have our babies at almost the same time, and end up with cousins super close in age. That would make for a fun time at family gatherings, since they'd have automatic playmates. I might even allow myself to believe, if this next round is successful, that that's how it was meant to be.... that maybe the REASON I miscarried, the reason we've had to wait so long, is because fate always meant for us to have babies at the same time.

It's just really hard to keep up hope right now. I'm so afraid of hoping. I'm so afraid of giving up. I'm so tired, tired, tired of the nonstop uncertainty. I'm afraid that all this fear is going to keep me from getting pregnant, in and of itself. Getting pregnant was supposed to be fun. Changing my name was supposed to be fun (it's high time I got rid of my ex's last name and moved on with my life.) Having my next book published was supposed to be fun, but somehow I think my skin has gotten thinner, because every negative comment is getting to me and they never used to before.  Not good. You can't be any sort of creative professional and be that sensitive.

My self-confidence is taking such a beating these last few days, and I just want to curl up and hide until it's over. I need something good to happen. I need some success to come at me and reassure me that I don't suck as a human being. Of course, I'd be more than content to continue to let the world keep beating me up in exchange for a sticky BFP this time.  I could take anything the world throws at me with a happy heart, if only I could just get pregnant again and get to keep it.

If I hadn't lost my baby, I'd be at nineteen weeks or so right now. Almost halfway there. It's hard to imagine. Is it normal that the more time goes by, the MORE you miss a baby that you were barely even pregnant with?

Anyway, I can't think about that for too long or I start crying again. Forward. Have to think forward. I will be in Greece in a week and a half or so. I'll have days to myself to loaf around a hotel, hopefully swim in a pool, read books, write, surf the internet, SLEEP - whatever I want. We have another chance, when I didn't think that we would for a long time. And nothing I do can change fate. I follow my med protocol, I get my butt to Greece, I show up to get my embryos, I stay healthy and hydrated and nutriented and restful. That's all I can do. The rest is just a roll of the dice and a prayer.

IVF#2 CD6 - Incredibly stressful weekend

Oh my gosh, has this been a stressful weekend.

First off, I ran out of my Ambien prescription and got hit by a bout of insomnia that sucked the life out of me. A total of about sixteen hours of sleep over the course of six days left me hallucinating and feeling kind of stoned... miserable, overly emotional, and pretty much nonfunctioning. I left work early on Friday because I couldn't concentrate, and called in sick yesterday for the same reason. Finally, yesterday afternoon, I got in to see my doctor. She refilled my prescription and gave me 5 refills this time (hallelujah!!) so I waited around for three hours for Walgreens to give me that precious bottle before going home, eating dinner, and going to bed. Sure enough, the first blissful, full night of sleep I've had in a week. I feel like a human being again!

I'm going to refill this prescription every thirty days for the next six months. I won't use the tablets nearly that fast - I actually rarely need them - but I'm going to have the maximum number possible on hand so that hopefully I never, ever run out again. Being that sleepless for that long is maybe one of the most miserable states I've ever been in. Ugh.

Anyway, in the middle of all of this I get a call from my RE. They say that they made a mistake in my last cycle by billing my insurance for the scans and bloodwork - since I've moved on to IVF, and my insurance doesn't cover IVF, they were supposed to charge me the full amount. Therefore, they'd be "happy" to continue to provide me with the scans, but it will cost me $487 every time. Personally, I think they're just doing this because I'm "not their client anymore." My insurance didn't cover IUI either, but they still billed insurance for the ultrasounds then... I think they kind of don't want to work with me anymore and are hoping I'll go away.

I just about lost my mind. That's almost $1500 more for this cycle than I had budgeted, and there's nothing I can do to argue with them. But we're already halfway through the Lupron protocol -- quitting now means wasting $400 in medicine that I've already taken. So there's no choice, I just have to put the scan costs on my credit card. However, I'm going to try to get to Greece a little early after all so that the last scan can take place there, where it's included in the cost of my overall treatment. I'll end up taking more time off of work, and spending extra nights in the hotel, but it still will cost less than $500 for the stupid scan.

To make matters worse, I hadn't heard back from the Greek clinic at all for days. They wanted me to have a scan on CD3, but my RE wouldn't see me unless I brought a letter from the Greek clinic ordering the scans. My Greek coordinator wasn't answering any of my emails. Finally I emailed Dr. Paraschos himself, from the contact form on the website, and he answered right away - apparently my coordinator is on leave for a while and someone else was supposed to be checking her messages. He made sure I got the letter I needed. I got in for the u/s yesterday, which was CD5 - at least he said he thought that would still be okay.

So, I went in for the u/s yesterday - since I'd already called in sick, at least I didn't have to try and leave work for the appointment - and paid them their freaking $500, and got the scan and blood draw. This morning I got an email from the RE that they tried to email the results to Greece and it bounced back (they didn't cc me like I'd asked) so I forwarded the results directly to my substitute coordinator. She was responsive, thank God, and said she'd be in touch around Friday with more instructions.

Add to that the fact that my Lupron shipment, which was supposed to arrive over a week ago, had still not arrived (and finally came in on Saturday, I had to drive to the post office to pick it up on Monday because we weren't home when they tried to deliver it),

To sum up, insomnia, RE money problems, Greek communication problems, and worry about getting my meds in time all combined to make me a ball of emotional anxiety the entire weekend. I tried chilling out using every meditative practice I could think of, playing solitaire for hours on end, reading (when my exhausted eyes would cooperate) and generally taking it easy. But oh, I am so SO SO grateful that I now have a bottle of Ambien, a good night's sleep, my meds safely stowed away, and communication re-established with Embio. I also got paid today, so I have been able to pay off some of the debt that's been stacking up on my credit cards.

Overall I'm feeling like the sun has finally broken through a cloud, and things are going to be okay. Still mad about the ridiculously expensive ultrasounds. But in a couple weeks I will be in Greece, getting two more embryos transferred, and the chances are 60% - better than half - that at least one is going to implant. At least we GET the chance to roll the dice again, because there's a zero % chance we'd get pregnant without doing this.

I also did some research into adoption. Found an agency (lifelongadoptions.com) that specializes in LGBT couples. Adoption is also crazy expensive... maybe just as much as we've already spent on this... and I don't actually know if we would be able to find the money. But it's nice to know that it could be an option, if this round doesn't stick either.  Trying not to stare too hard into that future, because right now it's really hard to think that this one might not work.

Spending today feeling grateful <3

IVF#2 CD1 - Here We Go

AF arrived last night, so first thing this morning I emailed the Greek clinic requesting written orders for the ultrasound/bloodwork they need, and then called the RE clinic here for an appointment. They did make an appointment for me for Saturday at 8 AM, though she didn't sound very enthusiastic about it. *sigh*

Also, my Lupron shipment still hasn't arrived, and I'm getting nervous. If it doesn't get here by Monday I may have to order another bottle and pay the $99 for one-week shipping, just to be sure I have a bottle here on time when I run out of the one we're currently working on. Irritating.

In the meantime, I should get started on wiring the money for this next round to the Greek clinic. I'm going to wait until next week, though, because I'm trying to decide exactly what to do about the amount they asked for. Her first couple emails said the cost would be 4800 Euro. Then, in her most recent email, she said 5000 Euro instead. I think she's forgetting her original quote, and I am tempted to just send them the 4800 and see if they say anything about it. I can always bring the rest with me in cash and pay them when I get there if they won't give me the embryos without it. But I think it's a little underhanded to quote someone one price and then come up with another a few weeks later. :/

I'm also stuck in another round of insomnia right now. I ran out of Ambien, and made an appointment with my doctor but they couldn't get me in until next Monday. So I've been chopping my last remaining pill into bits in the attempt to make it last longer... I took a quarter of a pill last night but it wasn't strong enough so I still didn't sleep. I have another quarter of a pill I can take tonight, and that's the last of it. My regular OTC sleeping pills aren't working, nor is the melatonin I take nightly... so I have several more sleepless nights to look forward to. Ugh. I'm at work today in a daze, colors and lights and sounds swirling around my head. I've been having a hard time concentrating this week in general, what with the PMS and the excitement/nervousness of starting another cycle and the insomnia. I'm grateful that my boss is on vacation this week, though - it takes some of the anxiety and stress out of it, at least.

I'm having dreams about being pregnant, having a baby. I'm daydreaming about it in the car on the way to work, on the way home. I'm trying to imagine, too, the emotions if we get a BFN this time, because imagining the scenario helps me prepare for the possibility that it might happen. At the same time, it feels like it just has to work this time. It just HAS to. After all, it already worked once. We just need one chromosomally-sound embryo -- just one of two -- that will stick around and see us through to a baby. It has to work. Right???

Kaitlin and I talked about numbers again. We're sticking with two. No matter how badly we want to get pregnant, neither of us is prepared for triplets, nor are we prepared to do a pregnancy reduction if three embryos were to stick. While the doctor thinks that's unlikely, we saw all the pictures of triplets on his office walls. It feels irresponsible to opt for three when we KNOW we aren't prepared to accept it if they all stick. But I also know that, especially because I'll be there alone, I'm going to face a last-minute moment of temptation. I'm sure the doctor's going to recommend three again. And I want that second BFP so badly that I know a part of me is going to be whispering "just risk it!" I keep asking Kaitlin to re-affirm that two is the right decision. I'm sure it's probably annoying, but I need to pound it into my head before I get over there and face that moment of desperate longing alone.

Anyway, it feels like it's been a hundred million years since January, yet mid-April still feels a hundred million years away. It occurred to me this morning that, if this works, this may be my last AF for a good long while. God I hope so. It occurred to me that, if this works, in about six weeks I'll have that stack of positive pregnancy tests on my counter again. If this works, in about two months I'll see a heartbeat on an ultrasound, and somehow I know that all the horror and grief of the last few months will be more than made up for by the sight of that one tiny little pulse.

If the universe will just please, please, PLEASE throw us a bone this time...

IVF#2 - Still waiting for AF

I am expecting AF today, but so far she hasn't showed. We've been doing Lupron shots for a week now, and we're opening up our second bottle of meds, and the bottle I ordered on 3/5 still hasn't arrived yet even though the USPS tracking says it was in Chicago on 3/16. Starting to get a little nervous. I have enough meds for two more weeks. SURELY the new bottle will arrive by then...??

Once AF shows I have to call my RE's office for an ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm not looking forward to explaining to them that I miscarried in January. I'm hoping, though, that AF is going to come today, because then I can get an appointment for Friday. If it doesn't come today I'll need a weekend appointment, and that's only going to make my already-somewhat-unfriendly RE even unfriendlier.

I am a blur of emotions right now (part of the reason I know AF is coming, LOL). I am excited and hopeful... even have moments where I'm absolutely certain that this is going to be it for us, that I'm going to have a few relaxing days in Greece, come home and get another string of positive pregnancy tests a couple weeks later, but this time NO BLEEDING, NO CRAMPING, NO SCARIES. Just two weeks, BFP, a couple positive betas, four weeks of excited bliss, a first ultrasound showing a perfectly normal developing sac (or two), and on to morning sickness, more ultrasounds, and relatively smooth sailing for the next nine months.

 But I am also still angry, maybe even a little in disbelief over January's loss. It still feels incomprehensible that I'm not pregnant anymore. I should have a baby the size of an avocado right now. I should be wearing maternity clothes, decorating a nursery, and heck... I might know the baby's gender by now. I should be posting weekly bump photos to Facebook and keeping a pregnancy journal and just... celebrating life.

Instead I'm planning another trip to Greece. Quietly, trying to keep it as short and low-key as possible. I'm trying to think of it as a nice little mini-vacation, a chance to read, work on my next book, rest - and not think of it as a long, exhausting, lonely, somewhat scary trip to a foreign country all alone where I don't speak the language and have to figure out how to call taxis by myself and whether it's safe to walk a few blocks from my hotel at night to eat dinner alone.  And in that sense I feel sad, and scared, and maybe a little depressed. While I do have moments where I'm certain it's going to work, there are just as many moments when the fatalist in me is equally sure that I'm going to go, force myself to stab my own stomach with a needle, go through the pinchy-pressure of the transfer all alone, fly for hours and hours and hours and hours, only to get a BFN two weeks later and be no closer to having a baby than I am right now and completely broke, with months and months and months to go before I can try for a third and final time. Or worse, I get pregnant and miscarry again. I keep thinking about that bitter Italian lady that I got stuck next to during the two hour recovery time at the clinic - how it was her second attempt and she spent most of the time talking about how she was sure it wasn't going to work. I hear a lot of her in my own thoughts right now and I don't like it. One resolution - I am for SURE not going to allow myself to burst the bubble of anybody else while I'm there. I may not be able to keep the negativity out of my own head, but I am sure as heck not going to plant it in anybody else's. That's just mean.

I want to cry. I also desperately want to hope, but only if this time is actually going to result in a baby. I'd rather not have any hope at all than go through that disappointment again. But it's not like I can really complain, since I'm the one who's choosing to stay in this game. That means I'm choosing to risk more disappointment, which is still more appealing right now than the thought of giving up. So I may be feeling bitter and disgusted with the universe, but I guess I still must have hope in there somewhere. As much as I'd like to throw my hands in the air and exclaim theatrically that I'm DONE, as much as I hate hate hate the idea of false hope, I must not have really given up yet... because I'm going back. That has to count for something, right?

The excitement of my new book launch has mostly worn off. In a sense it feels a little anticlimactic, actually, because it doesn't feel like I've gotten as much feedback as I guess I was expecting. I've been filling the time in the past few days with designing Disney-princess-themed work outfits on Polyvore and trying not to think too much. I'm taking my prenatal faithfully, along with a slew of other vitamins. I filled my mini-fridge at work with salad stuff. I'm trying to drink water, though I'm not very good at it. I'm trying to stay focused at work, though I'm not doing a good job of that this week either.

I'm tired today, and highly emotional, and also restless. So basically, PMSy. The one thing that I do know is that while right now the moment of truth feels so far away - end of April/beginning of May, probably, before I'll know if this round works - it will eventually get here. Time keeps marching on. Not as fast as I want it to, I'm still really wishing for that fast-forward button - but it will eventually get here, and I'll have my answer for better or worse.

If it works, the due date would be early January next year.

I just have to keep my eye on next month's calendar, and keep making it through the days. Someday when I'm old and gray I'll probably look back at this time and wish that I'd spent more time enjoying the days I did have instead of wishing they'd hurry by. Perspective is such a tricky thing.

IVF#2 Injections Starting Again

Today is the day our Lupron injections start up again. Fun. While I'm not looking forward to the dreaded nightly ritual, and dreading even more the fact that I have to coach myself up to being able to give myself shots while I'm alone in Greece, I AM glad to be back on the horse again.

Looks like I'll only need to be in Greece for a couple days this time, though it may be longer depending on the cost of the flight. Starting to work on getting payment sent to the clinic. Next thing I have to do is email them when AF comes, have an ultrasound on day 3 or 4 f my next cycle, and then wait until they can tell me exactly which days I need to be there so I can buy plane tickets and take time off and all of that.

In the meantime, staying busy with my new book release and trying to work on the next book too. Maybe the time on the plane and in Greece will let me get some writing in...?

I am feeling pretty hesitant about getting excited. I want to be excited, I want to be hopeful. But is it too much to hope that we'll get pregnant on this second time too? Is it arrogant to hope that after all this time, this will finally be our turn... Not just to get pregnant but to get to keep it this time? I am afraid to let myself dream too much. What if the universe has been trying to tell me for the past few years that being a mom just isn't in the cards for me...

Anyway, if this try fails we will do it one more time, but it won't be for a long while because I have to save up the money for it. And if a third try fails.... I think at some point we have to call it, right? I don't want to think about that right now. I'm not ready to accept it.

So, here we go again, I guess. Transfer in April, and then we wait and see...

Gearing up again

AF showed up again on February 28th, so I emailed Sotiria at the Greek clinic. We're starting Lupron again on the 18th of this month, and she anticipates we'll be back in Greece around April 16thish.

It's not as exciting this time, for a lot of reasons. I think Kaitlin and I are still pretty emotionally raw from our January loss. This has been a long and very expensive journey, and with Kaitlin currently between jobs and no real light at the end of the tunnel for either TTC or work at this point, she won't be able to come with me this time. While our December trip was a romantic vacation with babymaking thrown in, this time it's more of a super-long-flight, giving-myself-shots-with-a-needle-phobia, sitting-through-the-clinical-stuff, hang-out-alone-in-the-hotel, super-long-flight-again kind of trip. I don't think I'll be doing any tourism at all this time around. Just going, having the transfer, and coming back, and spending as little time as possible away from work and home. Where the first trip was thrilling and exotic, this one's utilitarian and lonely.

But still, I am so very grateful that I was able to get a big enough tax return, and that my bank was wise enough to advise me to get the Travel AMEX card that is now letting me buy a plane ticket for half the cost, and that I have leftover meds that won't go to waste and will make this round less expensive... At least we do get to try again, and so it could be much worse. But I think both Kaitlin and I are hesitant to feel hopeful. While we'd give anything for this to be our round - a BFP, a healthy and sticky pregnancy, and finally that baby in our arms after all of this - it's just as possible that we'll go through all this again just for another BFN. Or another miscarriage. The dice could roll any which way, and oh my gosh I am just so mad at the dice right now.

I've been sick for almost three weeks now - nasty cold/flu thing, with nausea, awful and varied sinus symptoms, and a general feeling of exhaustion and lack of energy. I'm only just beginning to really come out on the other side of it, with just a stuffy nose to deal with, and so I suppose I can also be grateful that I'm not pregnant right now. I can use my cold medicine and nasal spray without guilt or worry. And if April is successful, one of the upsides would be that I'd be a lot less likely to have to sit in misery through a cold while pregnant, because the pregnancy will skip over my usual cold season (January - March).

If April was successful, our baby would end up with a New Year's birthday (somewhere around January 7th.) So no 2015 baby for us either, though at this point I would settle for a Christmas and New Year's with a baby almost here.

So, right now the only thing on my TTC to-do list is to order more Lupron to make sure that I have enough before the treatment starts, and I just placed the order - $228. That should give me enough meds to last until I get to Greece, and I'm going to be getting everything else I need while I'm there so that I don't have to go through the headache of trying to order them here or ration my leftovers until they arrive. I'm anticipating I'll have two or three more bloodwork/ultrasound appointments to make here, and then the trip itself, and then another TWW that is going to be infinitely more difficult than the last one, because we won't be gallivanting around Greece or preparing for Christmas in the meantime... just waiting to see if we get a BFP for the second time in a row.

For all my worries about having twins, I'll admit that at this point I think I would be happy just to get to keep my baby -- or babies. Funny how the things that felt so important when this started - baby's birthday, how many babies we'd have, which donor we'd use, even finding out baby's sex - all feel really trivial right now. Maybe this is the universe's way of teaching me what's really important.

So... treatment in about two more weeks. A month of that, and another transfer. Please, universe... PLEASE???

In The Clear And Moving On

Well, it’s been a pretty much nonexistent last few weeks on the TTC front, just waiting for AF to arrive again.

Which she did today. So that’s good, because it means the miscarriage is really over and cleared out, and we can move on now. We’re sitting out this cycle while I wait to get my tax refund, and to allow my body to hopefully reset itself. But I sent an email to the Greek clinic today, because the hope is that we will get to go back in March. I asked for another Lupron prescription, so that if I need to order more I can get a head start on it and hopefully not have to pay the $100 for expedited shipping.  And I don’t think I’ll need any more scans or bloodwork until my March cycle starts… but I guess we’ll see.

If a March cycle worked (AF would be due around 3/2, putting our transfer date at approximately 3/16) then the baby’s due date would be around December 7^th – just a few days shy of Kaitlin’s birthday. Funny how, when we started this whole thing, I was really concerned with even skipping cycles to make sure that our baby didn’t have a December birthday, and now that doesn’t seem important anymore… the only thing that’s important now is actually getting pregnant and being able to keep that pregnancy all the way through to a baby.

Anyway,  it’s looking like I’ll be getting about $5700 back in tax refunds this year, thanks to all the out of pocket medical expenses from last year. The Greek clinic’s going to charge 4800 Euro for a second try, which right now is about equivalent to $5433 USD – the dollar is on a strong curve right now and I’m really hoping that holds for the next two months. Between my tax refund, the airline miles I have on the AMEX card I got for the last trip, and hopefully being able to save a little more from last month’s paycheck and February’s,  I should be able to pull this off.

It remains to be seen whether Kaitlin will be able to afford a plane ticket, or even be able to get the time off of work to come. In the last week she’s had several promising job opportunities come up – she’s now set up to do substitute teaching, and she’s actually out subbing today. She also just got hired at a local community college to teach some classes – those don’t start until August, though. And she has a second interview at Apple where she’s hoping to get hired on full time as a support tech.  Here’s hoping that all this means that she won’t be unemployed for much longer…

In the meantime, I finally managed to work through all that post-miscarriage depression by developing some uber-crafty projects to promote my upcoming book release. Having a new creative craft to focus attention on, something I can get excited about, has been just the thing I needed to feel like there’s a reason to get up in the morning again. I bought a little button/badge maker machine that I’ve been eyeing for a year,  and started working on making little plush dolls for my book characters and a ton of mini-books with my book covers on them, which make the cutest little charms for jewelry, zipper pulls, bookmarks and so on. Also got back into the 3D rendering stuff and creating character images for my website.

Keeping myself absorbed in crafty stuff is helping, though I still feel a little queasy when I’m walking past the baby sections in Walmart, and I’m still having a really hard time being around all of the babies and young parents at work. One step at a time, though, I guess. And at least, with AF showing up today, it’s starting to feel like we’re moving toward something again.

Only other update is kind of an annoyance –  the ER finally sent me the bill for that trip we made out there when the bleeding started. You know, the one where they put in an unnecessary IV and spent an hour doing an ultrasound and did some blood and urine work, then sent me home with a “not much we can do” letter. .. anyway, they sent the bill for THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS. I just about had a heart attack, and  the next day at work I got in contact with our insurance assistant-y person and faxed her a copy of the bill, praying that it was wrong. She looked into it for me, and sure enough – I only owe my $150 ER copay, NOT that ridiculous bill. Apparently the provider tried to tell Aetna that they had done some sort of experimental procedure??? And Aetna informed them they couldn’t bill me for it, so they have to send me a corrected bill for my copay instead. I don’t know if that means Aetna will pay for the procedure  themselves, but I’m more curious to know what POSSIBLE “experimental” procedure they could have done with an ultrasound, blood test, and urine test?? How bizarre.

When the lady emailed me back to say she’d gotten the bill sorted out I could have just kissed her. That bill might have meant the difference between being able to try again or not this year.

So now we play the waiting game for the rest of this month, and I try to eat right and exercise and keep up with my vitamins and all that other good stuff until it’s time for doctor appointments and injections and all of that again… oh boy!