Got a call from the OB GYN today. My blood test results from last Thursday showed HcG of 42. She doesn't think it's necessary to keep testing, she's pretty sure it's going to zero by itself, especially since the bleeding's stopped. In the meantime, my face has broken out, I've been irritable and bloated, and today I had a huge amount of EWCM - like, enough to almost be similar to a blood clot during AF. Yuck.
So basically it looks like my body is headed back to business as usual, and I'm probably ovulating-ish at the moment, and AF should show up in another couple of weeks.
In the meantime I just feel down. Not super depressed and sad anymore, just... down. Facebook is LOADED with pictures of pregnant friends, friends with babies, friends with their kids. Even an article going around about miscarriage... joy. It's a double-edged sword, too, because while seeing all the babies is painful and makes me shamefully jealous and irrationally angry, it also reminds me that I can't give up yet, damn it. I can't give up on this. We got so far... I won't be able to forgive myself if I give up now.
Trying to focus on exercise, and sleep, and work, and my book. But mostly my brain wants to disappear into fantasyland and sit out the wait. I should try to use that, I guess, to work on my next book, so that it doesn't take me seven years to get it finished this time. But I feel uninspired and lazy, and a little stuck in trying to get the story off the ground. So I'm just sort of twiddling my thumbs in limbo, waiting for the weeks to pass so that I can put together travel money and get my body back into a workable cycle again.
Kinda boring, right?
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