I started testing a couple of days ago, at what would have been approximately 10 DPO in a regular cycle. Today would be about 12DPO. Nothing. All stark white negatives.
Our test date isn't for another five days. And I know I should be thinking positive. But I just don't know anymore. All along I've thought of this IVF donor egg transfer as our silver bullet -- our big guns, our best chance, maybe even our surest thing. It certainly cost the big money. And if it doesn't work I feel like my heart will break. We won't have the money to try again, at least not for probably another year.
And work is in this huge state of flux and change that is intimidating, and scary, and feels like it's going to be miserable and difficult in all new ways in the coming year.
Here's hoping my BSB checks arrive soon, and between those and the hopefully significant tax refund and the hopefully 3% raise starting next year and the $100 Christmas bonus from work I can take a good chunk out of the debt straightaway. Maybe, just maybe, if this round doesn't work I'd be able to afford another in June. I "just" need 10 grand. That's possible, right?
So yeah. Depressed and pessimistic and terrified today. But getting the negative POS tests is still better, I think, then being surprised with a negative on Christmas Eve. I'd rather be prepared. I'd rather go into it knowing that if it's positive it will be a Christmas miracle, rather than have hopes dashed all to pieces on the holiday.
I wish. I wish I wish I wish....
Have you considered donor embryos stateside if you (god forbid) need another cycle? I've also heard CNY Fertility in New York state has relatively affordable egg donor IVF, I think 8-9k?
ReplyDeleteNot that you even need this info because this cycle is going to work, dangit! A friend of mine who did IVF in spring tested negative on FRER the night before her beta and she was pregnant, don't give up! :)